Is she using me for free dinners? How to move things to next level
I’ve been dating a girl for around 2-3 months. We are both 22 years old. We’ve been on 7 dates so far, every time has been at a pretty nice restaurant where the bill has come to about £100 for dinner and drinks which I’ve paid every time. So I’ve already spent almost £1,000 on dates with her over the past few months. Which is a lot for me.
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been dating a girl for around 2-3 months. We are both 22 years old. We’ve been on 7 dates so far, every time has been at a pretty nice restaurant where the bill has come to about £100 for dinner and drinks which I’ve paid every time. So I’ve already spent almost £1,000 on dates with her over the past few months. Which is a lot for me.
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
Not chipping in to pay the bill at all seven dates in a row?? Does she even offer to pay or does she expect you to pay? Is she the one suggesting to go to nice restaurants?
Have you told her that you feel like you're being used? Or asked her why she seem still wants to just hold hands? Wanting to take things slow is completely fine but when its paired with you paying the bill for every date it does look like she's using you for a free meal. I think you should tell her why you have your doubts so she can explain herself.
Your plan to switch things up is good but the fact that she seems unwilling to even spend time with you in any setting but a restaurant makes me think she's using you. I would suggest a date where food is out of the equation and somewhere that isn't either of your homes and gauge her reaction to it to determine whether or not she's using you. If you're receiving pushback and she keeps insisting going out to eat, you'll probably have your answer.
Reply 2
Likewise, amazed that she hasn’t at least offered to split the bill after that many dates. Not great.
It’s a good idea to suggest something non-food related. There’s only so much so much conversation you can have over a meal.
At the end of the day it’s perfectly valid to knock it on the head if you sense that it’s not going anywhere and she isn’t especially bothered.
It’s a good idea to suggest something non-food related. There’s only so much so much conversation you can have over a meal.
At the end of the day it’s perfectly valid to knock it on the head if you sense that it’s not going anywhere and she isn’t especially bothered.
Reply 3
Yeah it does rather sound like she is taking advantage, she keeps basically insisting on meals and hasn't put her hand in her pocket once? that's pretty shameful in any circumstances.
You haven't kissed, she seems to have no interest in spending time alone with you, so what are you chasing?
You haven't kissed, she seems to have no interest in spending time alone with you, so what are you chasing?
Reply 4
21
Seems pretty one sided if she hasn’t treated you to a meal or agreed to do something different. I would leave the ball in her court. If she gets in touch again and you’re still interested ask her what’s what
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been dating a girl for around 2-3 months. We are both 22 years old. We’ve been on 7 dates so far, every time has been at a pretty nice restaurant where the bill has come to about £100 for dinner and drinks which I’ve paid every time. So I’ve already spent almost £1,000 on dates with her over the past few months. Which is a lot for me.
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
Either you care that you might be being used for money or you just want sex yourself. Which one is it? Do you actually care about the money or are you more concerned that you aren’t getting what you really want? Women are under no obligation to be intimate with you. You shouldn’t demand or expect it either. Respect their boundaries and establish boundaries for yourself. You both have free will and you should both be free to use it. If you don’t like spending money on them, stop doing it. If you are only interested in sex, and she’s not into it, maybe this girl isn’t for you. Maybe find someone else.
Reply 6
Take her to an all you can eat for about £20 each including drinks and see if she continues going out with you.
Then you may have an answer.
Then you may have an answer.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve been dating a girl for around 2-3 months. We are both 22 years old. We’ve been on 7 dates so far, every time has been at a pretty nice restaurant where the bill has come to about £100 for dinner and drinks which I’ve paid every time. So I’ve already spent almost £1,000 on dates with her over the past few months. Which is a lot for me.
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
We always have a great time together, good conversation, holding hands etc. however… After the dates end I usually invite her back to my place but she always declines saying “No thank you” or “I’m fine thanks”.
However it’s now starting to take the p*ss… 7 dates and we haven’t even kissed yet, just held hands, and she refuses to come to mine so bluntly. Whenever I invite her out for a date she always suggests a restaurant and recently it’s started to feel like I am just being used.
So when setting up date 8, I suggested we watch a movie at my place and she said no she would rather eat food. So I said ok I will cook for you at my place and she replied saying can we not go to a restaurant? So I replied saying it will be more fun to cook together at mine.
She’s now not replying and I’m not sure what to do
I’m not sure if she’s A) just nervous to come round and maybe she takes things slow when dating, which I am perfectly fine with, I could continue dating her for longer until she’s ready… but what I am worried about is option B) she’s just using me for the restaurants and experiences and she has no intention of moving things to the next level e.g. relationship and sex etc..
Any advice? Thanks
maybe you could suggest going somewhere else rather than back to your place? She might not feel comfortable going to your place as you've only known each other for a few months. You could suggest going to a park or something?
Reply 8
If she is insisting on a restaurant, agree but tell her it is her turn to pay. If she ghosts you, you have your answer.
Reply 9
20
Maybe suggest going to her place instead?
Reply 10
20
Original post by black tea
If she is insisting on a restaurant, agree but tell her it is her turn to pay. If she ghosts you, you have your answer.
Or she's broke and can't afford this kind of things and assume her date can afford...
Reply 11
Original post by Kathy89
Or she's broke and can't afford this kind of things and assume her date can afford...
If this is the case, she is using him.
Reply 12
Original post by Kathy89
Or she's broke and can't afford this kind of things and assume her date can afford...
Wouldn't basic decency stop you asking to be taken for expensive restaurants in that case, and suggest something else/cheaper if you weren't in a position to spend a lot?
Reply 13
20
Original post by StriderHort
Wouldn't basic decency stop you asking to be taken for expensive restaurants in that case, and suggest something else/cheaper if you weren't in a position to spend a lot?
Yeah, but the OP never seemed to complain...
Reply 14
20
Original post by black tea
If this is the case, she is using him.
It looks so, but a simple talk about that would clear things up. Maybe she doesn't want sex or anything that will lead to that, but does want a relationship, at least a good friendly one.
Reply 15
Original post by Kathy89
Yeah, but the OP never seemed to complain...
Aren't they complaining now?
Reply 16
Original post by Kathy89
Yeah, but the OP never seemed to complain...
So what's this thread all about then?
Reply 17
20
Original post by StriderHort
Aren't they complaining now?
Not to her...
Reply 18
20
Original post by black tea
So what's this thread all about then?
Well. He could say the same to her... solves the problem.
Reply 19
Original post by Kathy89
It looks so, but a simple talk about that would clear things up. Maybe she doesn't want sex or anything that will lead to that, but does want a relationship, at least a good friendly one.
sounds like she is refusing to talk though
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