First relationship vs second relationship

Anon because I feel bad writing this.

Recently a guy I’ve been dating for a month asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. We are in our mid 20s. I was in relationship 2 years ago, which lasted for 4 years and ended because I was cheated on. That was my first relationship. I didn’t date in those two years and worked on building my career and starting new hobbies so I thought I’d be healed by now. I’d cut contact with my ex two years ago, sold/threw away everything that he’d given to me.

I like this new guy a lot. We have a lot more in common and he treats me so much better than my ex boyfriend ever did in those 4 years. My ex always made me doubt what I meant to him but in the short time I’ve known this guy, he has always been honest and clear about how he feels towards me and I have never felt so special.

I just don’t know why I don’t feel as excited to start this relationship. I feel like I should have felt fireworks when he asked, just like in my first relationship. I was even hoping that he would ask me soon because I really liked him and wanted to be with him. I don’t know if it’s just because the first love is more intense? I know I shouldn’t compare with my ex but that’s the only relationship I’d had in the past. Though I do definitely find him attractive, to be honest he does not fit my usual type, but I don’t want to be shallow and ignore all the other good things he brings to the relationship. To be honest when I first saw him there wasn’t that initial attraction of ‘I just want to rip his clothes off’. But the attraction grew over time and I’m hoping it will continue to.

Apart from his looks, he has everything that I look for in a man, I feel comfortable with him and feel that he is right for me. We share the same values and opinions. I just feel really bad that I don’t feel as excited as I thought I would be now that I’m his girlfriend when I’d wanted to for a while.

Has anyone noticed a difference between their first and second relationships? Is this normal?

Reply 1

Zarek

It’s early days, relax and cherish the good things you mention. First relationships do have something special about them but each relationship brings useful learning for the future. Attractiveness and then love is about many things and about getting to know someone well

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Anon because I feel bad writing this.
Recently a guy I’ve been dating for a month asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. We are in our mid 20s. I was in relationship 2 years ago, which lasted for 4 years and ended because I was cheated on. That was my first relationship. I didn’t date in those two years and worked on building my career and starting new hobbies so I thought I’d be healed by now. I’d cut contact with my ex two years ago, sold/threw away everything that he’d given to me.
I like this new guy a lot. We have a lot more in common and he treats me so much better than my ex boyfriend ever did in those 4 years. My ex always made me doubt what I meant to him but in the short time I’ve known this guy, he has always been honest and clear about how he feels towards me and I have never felt so special.
I just don’t know why I don’t feel as excited to start this relationship. I feel like I should have felt fireworks when he asked, just like in my first relationship. I was even hoping that he would ask me soon because I really liked him and wanted to be with him. I don’t know if it’s just because the first love is more intense? I know I shouldn’t compare with my ex but that’s the only relationship I’d had in the past. Though I do definitely find him attractive, to be honest he does not fit my usual type, but I don’t want to be shallow and ignore all the other good things he brings to the relationship. To be honest when I first saw him there wasn’t that initial attraction of ‘I just want to rip his clothes off’. But the attraction grew over time and I’m hoping it will continue to.
Apart from his looks, he has everything that I look for in a man, I feel comfortable with him and feel that he is right for me. We share the same values and opinions. I just feel really bad that I don’t feel as excited as I thought I would be now that I’m his girlfriend when I’d wanted to for a while.
Has anyone noticed a difference between their first and second relationships? Is this normal?