anyone else hate oxford? it’s so lonely
i’m so lonely in oxford. i go to oxford brookes. the city is beautiful, but i have come across so many snooty, elitist people. i’ve been to so many society events, but i just can’t seem to make friends that stick. or i’ll go to a society and everyone is already close friends so i end up just feeling so lonely and it’s so hard to get involved.
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
Reply 1
13
Original post by Anonymous
i’m so lonely in oxford. i go to oxford brookes. the city is beautiful, but i have come across so many snooty, elitist people. i’ve been to so many society events, but i just can’t seem to make friends that stick. or i’ll go to a society and everyone is already close friends so i end up just feeling so lonely and it’s so hard to get involved.
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
Hi anonymous , I can offer some ideas as have experienced similar situations in what can be called esoteric environments. Remember Oxford is is Oxford and many people there want to clump into the generic esoteric circles to relive their fantasy of Oxford and all it has to offer in term of high
Flying discussion and prose - now makes especially can be highly arrogant especially if from what is still called upper class, and they have old school values passed down from their uncle Bumbly- rupert thomlinson brown 🙂 where in women and girls are basically ranked lower than the little men they are.
It’s rubbish and it should be in yesteryear or Harry Potter but it’s here and probably here to stay.
Feel free to talk on here or message me , happy to be a friend - but most of all join some groups that adhere to good energy and vibes which resonate not with the want to be aristoricasy of yesteryear who from my experience tend to be money grabbing nutters who once ruled most other classes through brute force and basically salvery - but with good people who care for their fellows and you will find a new direction.
Most of all just watch it all happen like a movie, don’t take it personally - it will happen at work, it will happen in an old people’s home - people can be shallow and ingenuous - you are not I can tell and it’s hard - but watch and don’t resist . In actual fact it might be all a bad dream and you might be creating it who knows - but watch only 🙂 and act with good energy for yourself .
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
i’m so lonely in oxford. i go to oxford brookes. the city is beautiful, but i have come across so many snooty, elitist people. i’ve been to so many society events, but i just can’t seem to make friends that stick. or i’ll go to a society and everyone is already close friends so i end up just feeling so lonely and it’s so hard to get involved.
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
Hi there,
I'm sorry to read that you're feeling lonely at uni. Please remember that a new year is a new chance to meet people and make friends. It definitely took me a lot of time to find my footing and meet the right people. Please remember to be kind to yourself and just keep exploring, and try to have fun with it and getting to know a new city.
I'm sorry that I can't help more! It really is what you make of it.
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Reply 3
20
Go and talk to your Personal Tutor or Student Wellbeing/Mental Health - this is exactly what these support services are there for, and at Brookes they are very good - Student support and wellbeing - Oxford Brookes University
Reply 4
13
Out of interest have you tried joining any physical groups with like minded people locally?
This is a great way to branch out .
Most of all don’t think your alone, many of us can feel alone - even when we are around lots of people who perhaps we should want to converse with but simply don’t get them.
I hope you find a way this year to find some nice people to hang with
) Neo
This is a great way to branch out .
Most of all don’t think your alone, many of us can feel alone - even when we are around lots of people who perhaps we should want to converse with but simply don’t get them.
I hope you find a way this year to find some nice people to hang with
) NeoReply 5
Original post by NeoIan
Hi anonymous , I can offer some ideas as have experienced similar situations in what can be called esoteric environments. Remember Oxford is is Oxford and many people there want to clump into the generic esoteric circles to relive their fantasy of Oxford and all it has to offer in term of high
Flying discussion and prose - now makes especially can be highly arrogant especially if from what is still called upper class, and they have old school values passed down from their uncle Bumbly- rupert thomlinson brown 🙂 where in women and girls are basically ranked lower than the little men they are.
It’s rubbish and it should be in yesteryear or Harry Potter but it’s here and probably here to stay.
Feel free to talk on here or message me , happy to be a friend - but most of all join some groups that adhere to good energy and vibes which resonate not with the want to be aristoricasy of yesteryear who from my experience tend to be money grabbing nutters who once ruled most other classes through brute force and basically salvery - but with good people who care for their fellows and you will find a new direction.
Most of all just watch it all happen like a movie, don’t take it personally - it will happen at work, it will happen in an old people’s home - people can be shallow and ingenuous - you are not I can tell and it’s hard - but watch and don’t resist . In actual fact it might be all a bad dream and you might be creating it who knows - but watch only 🙂 and act with good energy for yourself .
Flying discussion and prose - now makes especially can be highly arrogant especially if from what is still called upper class, and they have old school values passed down from their uncle Bumbly- rupert thomlinson brown 🙂 where in women and girls are basically ranked lower than the little men they are.
It’s rubbish and it should be in yesteryear or Harry Potter but it’s here and probably here to stay.
Feel free to talk on here or message me , happy to be a friend - but most of all join some groups that adhere to good energy and vibes which resonate not with the want to be aristoricasy of yesteryear who from my experience tend to be money grabbing nutters who once ruled most other classes through brute force and basically salvery - but with good people who care for their fellows and you will find a new direction.
Most of all just watch it all happen like a movie, don’t take it personally - it will happen at work, it will happen in an old people’s home - people can be shallow and ingenuous - you are not I can tell and it’s hard - but watch and don’t resist . In actual fact it might be all a bad dream and you might be creating it who knows - but watch only 🙂 and act with good energy for yourself .
You’ve honestly got it spot on - are you from Oxford by any chance? It’s just so hard to relate to these people because in no capacity did I grow up like this. Or even have the money to spend like they do so this excludes me from a range of other things I can do with them.
It’s just a shame because it’s BEAUTIFUL here and I really want to like it. And I am so lucky to be living in a place like this. I just can’t enjoy it fully 😔
I did have a couple friends, but all of them left Oxford and dropped out because they just did not enjoy the university. I have my gripes with the uni but that’s for a separate thread entirely oh my god.
Your advice about just watching it all happen is really spot on as well; I was having a similar conversation with someone once, regarding the Oxford Union 💀 and how messed up it is in there, but how entertaining it is to be surrounded by it 😭 like you said, whilst the values and general behaviour here is somewhat concerning, I think some of the traditions are quite beautiful in some ways which is what’s keeping me here.
Reply 6
Original post by CardiffUni Rep
Hi there,
I'm sorry to read that you're feeling lonely at uni. Please remember that a new year is a new chance to meet people and make friends. It definitely took me a lot of time to find my footing and meet the right people. Please remember to be kind to yourself and just keep exploring, and try to have fun with it and getting to know a new city.
I'm sorry that I can't help more! It really is what you make of it.
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
I'm sorry to read that you're feeling lonely at uni. Please remember that a new year is a new chance to meet people and make friends. It definitely took me a lot of time to find my footing and meet the right people. Please remember to be kind to yourself and just keep exploring, and try to have fun with it and getting to know a new city.
I'm sorry that I can't help more! It really is what you make of it.
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
I will keep trying - thank you so much for your advice
Reply 7
Original post by McGinger
Go and talk to your Personal Tutor or Student Wellbeing/Mental Health - this is exactly what these support services are there for, and at Brookes they are very good - Student support and wellbeing - Oxford Brookes University
I have actually! He’s honestly so lovely and understanding, and I was very lucky to find that pillar of support. However, he really couldn’t suggest what to do. It did help a LOT in terms of feeling like it was my fault for being lonely, but overall, coming to terms with the fact that I just was unlucky with finding my people.
Reply 8
Original post by NeoIan
Out of interest have you tried joining any physical groups with like minded people locally?
This is a great way to branch out .
Most of all don’t think your alone, many of us can feel alone - even when we are around lots of people who perhaps we should want to converse with but simply don’t get them.
I hope you find a way this year to find some nice people to hang with) Neo
This is a great way to branch out .
Most of all don’t think your alone, many of us can feel alone - even when we are around lots of people who perhaps we should want to converse with but simply don’t get them.
I hope you find a way this year to find some nice people to hang with
) NeoI’ve joined so many societies it’s ridiculous. You name it, I’ve tried it. So many cultural societies like the ACS, Japanese, Nigerian, Indian, I could go on. From rock climbing to the Taylor Swift society. I don’t even listen to Taylor Swift I just wanted to meet people 😭 So so many more to list.
I’ve had 4 instances where I would get along with someone during an event and then they’d say I should text them so we can hang out, only for me to get ghosted.
Awkward pub socials where they act surprised that I’m even there when they literally publicly advertised it on their Instagram for new students to join, and on the other end of the spectrum, being pressured to drink 😬 another reason why I do struggle is I don’t drink alcohol so I’ve found myself not really able to relate to different events and situations. I do my best to get involved of course, but in Freshers week I ended up just being a nanny trying to get people home safely because they knew I’d be sober…I quickly stopped talking to them as well. There are so many uni events, however when it comes to socials, I found that they were quite central to drinking which unfortunately isn’t really my thing. Regardless, I just see meeting people in those settings as stepping out of my comfort zone.
I really will try my best next academic year! I’m just losing hope. I am happy with my own company for sure. It just gets lonely 🥲
Reply 9
13
Please dont lose hope firstly, hope is everything and remember how lucky you are to be where you are right now, many would ever get that chance, but i understand how lonely it can get.
Drinking culture is an interesting one, and i was discussing this today with some colleagues. Its embedded in the brits culture especially and difficult if you dont join in for sure because filtering out your demons is not so easy if you dont drink, however i can guarantee you feel better health wise to be honest, and probably mentally better than your class mates.
It sounds like you are trying to branch out which is great, and indeed it must be draining when you dont find many people to link up with in those groups either, i understand and have been there in some respects myself. What you need to do is love yourself a bit more and not see yourself as an outsider. Believe it or not but many people who you think are popular and embedded in a close freinds group are the most insecure people you could meet, they just throw everything at saying the right things to impress others, becuase they prioritise that over their happiness - its a thing.
Try not trying .... relax, smile, find in the crowd of idiots a few calm people, old souls, and get to know them. Listen to them dont moan, and make conversation about nice topics.
Its hard I know and different according to wehter your male or female, i think your female ?
PM any time ok 🙂 Neo
Drinking culture is an interesting one, and i was discussing this today with some colleagues. Its embedded in the brits culture especially and difficult if you dont join in for sure because filtering out your demons is not so easy if you dont drink, however i can guarantee you feel better health wise to be honest, and probably mentally better than your class mates.
It sounds like you are trying to branch out which is great, and indeed it must be draining when you dont find many people to link up with in those groups either, i understand and have been there in some respects myself. What you need to do is love yourself a bit more and not see yourself as an outsider. Believe it or not but many people who you think are popular and embedded in a close freinds group are the most insecure people you could meet, they just throw everything at saying the right things to impress others, becuase they prioritise that over their happiness - its a thing.
Try not trying .... relax, smile, find in the crowd of idiots a few calm people, old souls, and get to know them. Listen to them dont moan, and make conversation about nice topics.
Its hard I know and different according to wehter your male or female, i think your female ?
PM any time ok 🙂 Neo
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
I will keep trying - thank you so much for your advice
It will work out! I'm sorry that I can't help more but you're not alone 🙂
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Reply 11
13
Yes all the best and pm me too as it would be nice to get to know you 🙂
Reply 12
13
Original post by Anonymous
You’ve honestly got it spot on - are you from Oxford by any chance? It’s just so hard to relate to these people because in no capacity did I grow up like this. Or even have the money to spend like they do so this excludes me from a range of other things I can do with them.
It’s just a shame because it’s BEAUTIFUL here and I really want to like it. And I am so lucky to be living in a place like this. I just can’t enjoy it fully 😔
I did have a couple friends, but all of them left Oxford and dropped out because they just did not enjoy the university. I have my gripes with the uni but that’s for a separate thread entirely oh my god.
Your advice about just watching it all happen is really spot on as well; I was having a similar conversation with someone once, regarding the Oxford Union 💀 and how messed up it is in there, but how entertaining it is to be surrounded by it 😭 like you said, whilst the values and general behaviour here is somewhat concerning, I think some of the traditions are quite beautiful in some ways which is what’s keeping me here.
It’s just a shame because it’s BEAUTIFUL here and I really want to like it. And I am so lucky to be living in a place like this. I just can’t enjoy it fully 😔
I did have a couple friends, but all of them left Oxford and dropped out because they just did not enjoy the university. I have my gripes with the uni but that’s for a separate thread entirely oh my god.
Your advice about just watching it all happen is really spot on as well; I was having a similar conversation with someone once, regarding the Oxford Union 💀 and how messed up it is in there, but how entertaining it is to be surrounded by it 😭 like you said, whilst the values and general behaviour here is somewhat concerning, I think some of the traditions are quite beautiful in some ways which is what’s keeping me here.
Apologies I did not answer this one anonymous , I am not from Oxford but I have been blessed with the ability to recall passed life’s ( wierdness alert😉 ) and as part of that I seem to recall some kind of brushing with this bunch of toffs either as a spoilt bufty myself or as a lower class watcher - not sure which.
Anyhoo the challenge we have in life is this happens after uni too, the positioning the dance the endless social games that those amongst us with hungry egos continue to play. Your just seeing that played out on a stage that is sin-ominous with the Harry Potter bitty kitty and Layla brigade that tends to live with lords as daddies and have never worked a minute in their life.
Wise words you may say but that doesn’t help me ??
Well don’t take it personally - it’s not about you - it’s about them like everything is for toffs .oxofrd It’s a wonderful town in fact I’d like to go there soon for a visit and pop an Eton mess pudding on one on little Rupert’s bib -
Let me know when you’d like to share a coffee and throw a banana at bunty and I’ll drop up there 🙂
And by the way an Oxford degree phd or masters does not mean a well paid career , it often means an arrogance far out of line with the persons ability and we usually shift them to side management where they get to do pointless roles that no one is effected by ( social media for example) hehe
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve joined so many societies it’s ridiculous. You name it, I’ve tried it. So many cultural societies like the ACS, Japanese, Nigerian, Indian, I could go on. From rock climbing to the Taylor Swift society. I don’t even listen to Taylor Swift I just wanted to meet people 😭 So so many more to list.
I’ve had 4 instances where I would get along with someone during an event and then they’d say I should text them so we can hang out, only for me to get ghosted.
Awkward pub socials where they act surprised that I’m even there when they literally publicly advertised it on their Instagram for new students to join, and on the other end of the spectrum, being pressured to drink 😬 another reason why I do struggle is I don’t drink alcohol so I’ve found myself not really able to relate to different events and situations. I do my best to get involved of course, but in Freshers week I ended up just being a nanny trying to get people home safely because they knew I’d be sober…I quickly stopped talking to them as well. There are so many uni events, however when it comes to socials, I found that they were quite central to drinking which unfortunately isn’t really my thing. Regardless, I just see meeting people in those settings as stepping out of my comfort zone.
I really will try my best next academic year! I’m just losing hope. I am happy with my own company for sure. It just gets lonely 🥲
I’ve had 4 instances where I would get along with someone during an event and then they’d say I should text them so we can hang out, only for me to get ghosted.
Awkward pub socials where they act surprised that I’m even there when they literally publicly advertised it on their Instagram for new students to join, and on the other end of the spectrum, being pressured to drink 😬 another reason why I do struggle is I don’t drink alcohol so I’ve found myself not really able to relate to different events and situations. I do my best to get involved of course, but in Freshers week I ended up just being a nanny trying to get people home safely because they knew I’d be sober…I quickly stopped talking to them as well. There are so many uni events, however when it comes to socials, I found that they were quite central to drinking which unfortunately isn’t really my thing. Regardless, I just see meeting people in those settings as stepping out of my comfort zone.
I really will try my best next academic year! I’m just losing hope. I am happy with my own company for sure. It just gets lonely 🥲
Hey, do you mind pming me?
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
i’m so lonely in oxford. i go to oxford brookes. the city is beautiful, but i have come across so many snooty, elitist people. i’ve been to so many society events, but i just can’t seem to make friends that stick. or i’ll go to a society and everyone is already close friends so i end up just feeling so lonely and it’s so hard to get involved.
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
everyone has their own friends and the friends i did have in this city, i realised that they had much closer friends that i just couldn’t integrate with…so i would never be put first or i’d always end up getting screwed over. so i distanced myself from them.
i’m also studying a male dominated course and because i’m a girl i usually just get ignored, or when i try to make conversation they are so uninterested and awkward.
it’s a never ending cycle, i feel like i’m always going to be lonely here :/ what can i do?
Hi there,
Thank you so much for reaching out. We are really sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. It’s totally normal to feel a bit lost or lonely when you're adjusting to university life—it’s a huge change. You’re not alone, and there are plenty of ways to start feeling more connected.
Get a part-time job
Working while studying is a fantastic way to meet new people. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to earn a little extra cash and build up work experience. If you need help with job hunting or applications, The University’s Careers team is here to support you. You can also look into volunteering at the Volunteer Centre to connect with your local community and give back.
Take an active role
Becoming a Student Ambassador, running for a Brookes Union Officer role, or representing your peers as a Course Rep could be a great way to feel more involved. These roles are a brilliant way to meet new friends, find your place within the university, and even boost your CV!
Get involved with University events
Brookes hosts lots of events throughout the year, from community activities to group meetups. Why not join in a Hedgehog Friendly Campus litter pick or check out the Multifaith Chaplaincy events? Keep an eye on your Student News emails too for more exciting things to take part in. You never know who you might meet!
If you need support
If you’re feeling isolated or you just need some extra support, Student Support Services has teams of trained professionals to help and advise you. This video can help you find out where to go to ask for support. If you’re not sure who to contact or can’t find what you need, please contact Student Support Services on [email protected] or 01865 535222.
Please remember, you’ve got this! University is full of ups and downs, but there’s always support available ☺️
Best wishes,
Clare
Admissions
Oxford Brookes University
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