I don't think I like my friends
I know this sounds harsh but please let me explain myself. I have a semi large friend group and tbh I've only been friends with them for about 2 years (before that I was more so acquaintances with a lot of them). They've all been friends for about 6 or 7 years (some are even longer like about 10 years?) and I was the last one to join the group. I mainly became friends with them because I was close with 1 person in the group and me and my other friends drifted (not necessarily any drama we just grew apart) so I kinda got accepted into this new group. They also at the time recently fell out with a friend so there was like an opening I guess?
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
Reply 1
13
Hi anonymous , you articulate yourself well here in your description and are certainly not alone at all. I’ve often found myself amongst similar groups where my energy was sucked from my soul.
Don’t blame your self at all, if they were a nice bunch of people they would be mindful of your part in group and talk about shared subjects and sometimes appolgise for past non familiar conversation topics . Remember a lot of people are highly insecure both physically and spiritually ( if your into that ) and will do anything to cling to a bunch of losers if that’s all they think they can get.
As you get older you’ll realise true friends are few and they are good secure people whom never cling and are there when you need them.
I would pull away from this lot see how you feel then jump back in if you really want to … or not .
Are you female or male as circumstances are often difference according to this, yes I can say this woke brigade because it’s a fact😉 we are different.
Neo
Don’t blame your self at all, if they were a nice bunch of people they would be mindful of your part in group and talk about shared subjects and sometimes appolgise for past non familiar conversation topics . Remember a lot of people are highly insecure both physically and spiritually ( if your into that ) and will do anything to cling to a bunch of losers if that’s all they think they can get.
As you get older you’ll realise true friends are few and they are good secure people whom never cling and are there when you need them.
I would pull away from this lot see how you feel then jump back in if you really want to … or not .
Are you female or male as circumstances are often difference according to this, yes I can say this woke brigade because it’s a fact😉 we are different.
Neo
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I know this sounds harsh but please let me explain myself. I have a semi large friend group and tbh I've only been friends with them for about 2 years (before that I was more so acquaintances with a lot of them). They've all been friends for about 6 or 7 years (some are even longer like about 10 years?) and I was the last one to join the group. I mainly became friends with them because I was close with 1 person in the group and me and my other friends drifted (not necessarily any drama we just grew apart) so I kinda got accepted into this new group. They also at the time recently fell out with a friend so there was like an opening I guess?
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
I've had similar issues. I would try confronting one at a time and trying to find a similarity. If your accepted then there should really be no reason to try and forge something better. You don't sound like a horrible person to me. At the end of the day humans judge people because thats just our basic instinct isn't it.
Reply 3
13
Original post by maxxisz
I've had similar issues. I would try confronting one at a time and trying to find a similarity. If your accepted then there should really be no reason to try and forge something better. You don't sound like a horrible person to me. At the end of the day humans judge people because thats just our basic instinct isn't it.
Max I kind of disagree on the judging thing- I have a few friends who don’t judge me actually and I don’t them, maybe it’s because we are more mature that we were in our 20s , and a bit more enlightened - but frankly you shouldn’t have to confront them one at a time. they should get it and if they don’t just walk away . There’s loads of people in the world that are probably better to hang with and life’s too short for long conversations about why they talk bs all the time 🙂
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I know this sounds harsh but please let me explain myself. I have a semi large friend group and tbh I've only been friends with them for about 2 years (before that I was more so acquaintances with a lot of them). They've all been friends for about 6 or 7 years (some are even longer like about 10 years?) and I was the last one to join the group. I mainly became friends with them because I was close with 1 person in the group and me and my other friends drifted (not necessarily any drama we just grew apart) so I kinda got accepted into this new group. They also at the time recently fell out with a friend so there was like an opening I guess?
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
Anyways, I don't really have anything in common with these people and they are genuinely lovely and so nice, but I just don't think they're my kind of people ya know? Like they don't really live in the same world as me (class wise and also like involvement with pop culture) so I do feel like I'm just floating there sometimes. I have felt a lot of the time like a replacement friend or just someone they hang around with cause they have to if that makes sense. Also, they spend a lot of time talking about the past and memories that I never experienced so I'm not really able to join in. I am an awkward person so I don't actively engage myself a lot of the time but this only happens when I'm not close with people. And like, I just don't see myself getting close with them because we are just so different. It is most likely a me-problem and if I'm being honest, I think if I had other friends I would've have actively drifted from this group. Idk maybe I sound like a terrible person but just curious if other people think im irrational or not
I've had two friend groups I entered late. Both of them I felt a little left out because they were not close with me, but in both of them my friends were very nice and we had great conversations. Yet in one of them everyone was more quiet, mature, and introverted, and I adored them. In the other they were more outgoing and popular I guess? And I felt the same way you do with this second group-I just didn't like them. I don't think it can be fixed. If you don't click, you don't click. I don't necessarily think your friends are bad people, they just might not know how to integrate you properly or may not realise how they have erred. I just think you need to find some people you "click" with.
Reply 5
13
Hey the watch and listen technique works in loads of situations where u don’t get the vibe btw . If your not rocking the situation then just watch it like a movie - don’t be weird - say whatever they expect you to say if you want but be there - be your body and be - don’t think and it’s interesting how things appear to just play out with no resistance
Reply 6
Original post by NeoIan
Max I kind of disagree on the judging thing- I have a few friends who don’t judge me actually and I don’t them, maybe it’s because we are more mature that we were in our 20s , and a bit more enlightened - but frankly you shouldn’t have to confront them one at a time. they should get it and if they don’t just walk away . There’s loads of people in the world that are probably better to hang with and life’s too short for long conversations about why they talk bs all the time 🙂
I was suggesting to confront one at a time due to possible social issues. It's what I would do from a social anxiety perspective if that makes sense. And with judging I meant in a more literal way.
Reply 7
Thanks for all the replies guys, this was all really helpful in the long run
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