I hit my boyfriend when I was blackout drunk
I know you will hate me for this. I dont want to give any other situations as there is never an excuse to lay my hands on people unless its self defense where I have been in once. I came home drunk and i didnt even know how I got home and that I caused a domestic assault against him first time ever. I often come home drunk and sleep until that night amd its for the first time happened and I blame myself for drinking blackout drunk and let myself out of my control. I have guilt eating me up and started doing some online counselling as I cant afford private therapist. I havent been able to sleep or eat well. I really wished he will be healed from it and let me give a chance to show him that it will never happen again as I stopped drinking alcohol and focusing to work on myself. but this has been upsetting me and I feel terribly ashamed. I want to see him in person and talk about it but i cant ask as Im aware that he is terrified of me. Im also scared that i will become an abuser. I only become loud when i was drunk before until I got abusive that night. Should I ask him to meet at some point or just leave it ?
Original post by Anonymous
I know you will hate me for this. I dont want to give any other situations as there is never an excuse to lay my hands on people unless its self defense where I have been in once. I came home drunk and i didnt even know how I got home and that I caused a domestic assault against him first time ever. I often come home drunk and sleep until that night amd its for the first time happened and I blame myself for drinking blackout drunk and let myself out of my control. I have guilt eating me up and started doing some online counselling as I cant afford private therapist. I havent been able to sleep or eat well. I really wished he will be healed from it and let me give a chance to show him that it will never happen again as I stopped drinking alcohol and focusing to work on myself. but this has been upsetting me and I feel terribly ashamed. I want to see him in person and talk about it but i cant ask as Im aware that he is terrified of me. Im also scared that i will become an abuser. I only become loud when i was drunk before until I got abusive that night. Should I ask him to meet at some point or just leave it ?
Regain trust with sincere actions ahead
Original post by Anonymous
I know you will hate me for this. I dont want to give any other situations as there is never an excuse to lay my hands on people unless its self defense where I have been in once. I came home drunk and i didnt even know how I got home and that I caused a domestic assault against him first time ever. I often come home drunk and sleep until that night amd its for the first time happened and I blame myself for drinking blackout drunk and let myself out of my control. I have guilt eating me up and started doing some online counselling as I cant afford private therapist. I havent been able to sleep or eat well. I really wished he will be healed from it and let me give a chance to show him that it will never happen again as I stopped drinking alcohol and focusing to work on myself. but this has been upsetting me and I feel terribly ashamed. I want to see him in person and talk about it but i cant ask as Im aware that he is terrified of me. Im also scared that i will become an abuser. I only become loud when i was drunk before until I got abusive that night. Should I ask him to meet at some point or just leave it ?
The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Nelson Mandela
I’d suggest stopping drinking would be a good start to trying to rebuild the trust, but it’s up to him whether he wants to.
Original post by MuhammadWhiz
Regain trust with sincere actions ahead
I kno and I stopped and never will. I havent showed up or havent talked to him since. so i dont know how he will know.
Original post by Anonymous
I kno and I stopped and never will. I havent showed up or havent talked to him since. so i dont know how he will know.
How did you feel immediately after realizing what had happened?
Original post by Anonymous
I kno and I stopped and never will. I havent showed up or havent talked to him since. so i dont know how he will know.
How has this incident impacted your emotional state and your thoughts about yourself?
Avoiding him won't fix things. It'll reduce whatever chance of you have of fixing this relationship to 0%.
Original post by Anonymous
How has this incident impacted your emotional state and your thoughts about yourself?
I regretted so much with pain and guilt, was terrified of what I had done and depressed for the whole week. I couldnt sleep or eat thinking if I am an abuser and how that happened when others get drunk very much but still never laid their hands on others. I cutt of drinks, people and stayed at home for awhole week. How terrible was I and it.
Original post by 1582
Avoiding him won't fix things. It'll reduce whatever chance of you have of fixing this relationship to 0%.
I only avoided due to the fact that he might not feel.safe around me or he would be constanly reminded of himself of.that night. He actually came up to you on the last day of leaving the country for a holiday break and talked to me. He said he doesnt want me to blame myself and move on. He forgives me but he said he cant be in a relationship with me anymore since its where he draws the line. He mentioned that its not just drinking, its the bigger issue underlying and comes up when Im drunk. so I should work on it and I have been. But when he said that he will let me go and doesnt want me anymore, something snapped inside me
Original post by Anonymous
I know you will hate me for this. I dont want to give any other situations as there is never an excuse to lay my hands on people unless its self defense where I have been in once. I came home drunk and i didnt even know how I got home and that I caused a domestic assault against him first time ever. I often come home drunk and sleep until that night amd its for the first time happened and I blame myself for drinking blackout drunk and let myself out of my control. I have guilt eating me up and started doing some online counselling as I cant afford private therapist. I havent been able to sleep or eat well. I really wished he will be healed from it and let me give a chance to show him that it will never happen again as I stopped drinking alcohol and focusing to work on myself. but this has been upsetting me and I feel terribly ashamed. I want to see him in person and talk about it but i cant ask as Im aware that he is terrified of me. Im also scared that i will become an abuser. I only become loud when i was drunk before until I got abusive that night. Should I ask him to meet at some point or just leave it ?
Give it some time so that you can show that you're a changed and more responsible person. Clearly the level of regret you have here shows that you're a good person who wants to make amends for wrongs committed. Your boyfriend should heal and become less-intimidated in time, so if you wait for a good amount of time to pass and you send your sincerest of apologies, then I think you'll be worthy of absolution in his eyes.
(edited 7 months ago)
Original post by JDINCINERATOR
Give it some time so that you can show that you're a changed and more responsible person. Clearly the level of regret you have here shows that you're a good person who wants to make amends for wrongs committed. Your boyfriend should heal and become less-intimidated in time, so if you wait for a good amount of time to pass and you send your sincerest of apologies, then I think you'll be worthy of absolution in his eyes.
Thank you and this encourages me. Im back home in my country for holidays at the moment and hes in China where we both met. He came to see me after a week when i was iholidaysand told me that he forgives me and I shouldnt let it eat me up. But he said he does not want to be in a relationshio with me anymore as its a big no for him that I did what I did. that really broke something inside me. I dont think we will be back as he mentioned that he wont do relationship with me anymore but he wsnts to be cool with me and he doesnt want to be a stranger. I seem to avoid places where everything reminds me of him. Even if enough time is given to him, I dont think he wants to be with someone like me who has a big issue and scared him away with the side of me that no one had ever seen before until that night.
I think you should acknowledge that you have gone beyond and crossed a line that you cannot undo. If your bf is sensible he will not take you back. He has made his mind up. Alcohol merely takes the lid off a violent part of your personality and makeup that is present already and is unlikely to change. You cite the alcohol as an excuse for the violence but the violence is a part of you, the alcohol merely unlocks it. It is better to let him go and just stay completely clear of alcohol. In the future you will find someone else to be part of your life, in a new alcohol free life - if that is what you want. But at present not with this man. He has seen a side of you that has ended the relationship.
A familiar scenario is where couples get locked into a relationship and where one partner gets drunk, beats the other partner up and when sober again apologises and grovels and swears it will 'never happen again' until next time. The enabling partner says 'I love them when they are sober I just don't like being beaten up ....' and gives them another chance, and another chance, and the pattern repeats for months or years of misery. I think you have met someone who has set the bar high and is not willing to risk playing with fire. Look after your own health and stay sober.
A familiar scenario is where couples get locked into a relationship and where one partner gets drunk, beats the other partner up and when sober again apologises and grovels and swears it will 'never happen again' until next time. The enabling partner says 'I love them when they are sober I just don't like being beaten up ....' and gives them another chance, and another chance, and the pattern repeats for months or years of misery. I think you have met someone who has set the bar high and is not willing to risk playing with fire. Look after your own health and stay sober.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you and this encourages me. Im back home in my country for holidays at the moment and hes in China where we both met. He came to see me after a week when i was iholidaysand told me that he forgives me and I shouldnt let it eat me up. But he said he does not want to be in a relationshio with me anymore as its a big no for him that I did what I did. that really broke something inside me. I dont think we will be back as he mentioned that he wont do relationship with me anymore but he wsnts to be cool with me and he doesnt want to be a stranger. I seem to avoid places where everything reminds me of him. Even if enough time is given to him, I dont think he wants to be with someone like me who has a big issue and scared him away with the side of me that no one had ever seen before until that night.
As I had mentioned how it terrified me by what I had done. I wasnt using alcohol as an excuse and its not and i said that theres no excuse for it. I have been working on myself with professional help fortunately and I know there are many cases like that where their partners repeat again and again. I have been way worse drunk but I have never laid my hands on others whether sober or drunk. Hence he told.me that it wasnt the drinking problem but it has to do with the issue thats bigger than me so I had to stop drinking and have been finding out. Of course hes sensible and didnt want to take me back. He wants to stay friends and cool with me. For me, its better we dont see each other even as friends as I dont want him to be reminded of what happened. I appreciate u saying to acknowledge it all and I do. But Im not a violent person and what happened happened. I am dealing with consequences and taking accountability. Some people can change. And I believe it will never happen again since one learns the triggers and what to avoid at all cost for the sake of.themselves and those they care around them.
Original post by Anonymous
The only thing you can do now is to stop drinking and make sure this doesn't happen in the future ig otherwise history will just repeat itself
I agree and my counsellor been helping me with it. Plus I dont see the point with drinking anymore. I think that it happened that way so it shows the side of.me that I need to be aware of and work on .
•
1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence - NCADV).
•
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviours like slapping, shoving, and pushing, and in some cases, might not be considered "domestic violence" under the law (NCADV).
Domestic Violence Allegations - The Consequences (eventumlegal.co.uk) is a good blog that clearly identifies some of the consequences.
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