How do I convince my mum to let me leave home for university?
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
It is your choice, not your parents' choice. You will be an adult soon.
Your Mum's experience working in a Sixth Firm College does not qualify her to comment on university life. Most people enjoy their time at university, as a time of personal growth.
Universities offer support for students who are estranged from their families.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Will you be 17 or 18 when you go to uni? If the answer is 18, just leave. You can't doom yourself to living with your parents forever or you'll go insane. I know it might be hard to do that when your mum doesn't want you to, but it is for the best. After you're accepted, be firm and confident in your decision. Talk about how excited you are and how much you love your future uni. Any time they try to say you won't like it, it's a bad choice, etc. just brush them off. Hopefully they will see that it will make you happy and your mum will grow up.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Will you be 17 or 18 when you go to uni? If the answer is 18, just leave. You can't doom yourself to living with your parents forever or you'll go insane. I know it might be hard to do that when your mum doesn't want you to, but it is for the best. After you're accepted, be firm and confident in your decision. Talk about how excited you are and how much you love your future uni. Any time they try to say you won't like it, it's a bad choice, etc. just brush them off. Hopefully they will see that it will make you happy and your mum will grow up.
I’ll be 18 luckily but I know that my parents wouldn’t respond well at all if I did that, and tbh I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I’ll be 18 luckily but I know that my parents wouldn’t respond well at all if I did that, and tbh I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Hi there,
I would say that you need to make a decision based upon what is best for you. It can be really hard for parents to understand that their children are growing up and getting ready to leave home. I think it would be best to try and have an in depth discussion with her so that she might understand your point of view. At the end of the day it is your own decision to make, and you need to make the decision that is right for you.
I hope this helps,
Ellen
Y4 Medical Student
Uni of Sunderland
Reply 6
If you always do what ur parents want you’ll never get to live for yourself
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Hi there,
This sounds like a tricky situation to be in so I understand why you might be frustrated.
As others have said, you need to do what is best for yourself and you are able to make that decision for yourself seeing as you will be an adult when you go to uni. It might be tricky to think about it now as it is clearly making your mum upset, but if going to a university that is further away is what you want to do, then I think it is the best thing to just go and do it. You don't want to resent your parents if you didn't go to the university that you wanted to go to because they didn't let you, so you need to out yourself first.
It might be worth talking to them about it though and seeing if you can show them that you want to go to another uni and that it is the best thing for you. Explain why you want to go and what benefits the university you want to go to has. You can tell them that you want to be independent and that's why you want to go a bit further away and they might start to understand that this is what you want to do and they might support you in that. Sometimes you just need to show people that you are serious about something and then they will start to support you.
You could also ask if your mum wants to go to an open day with you for that university as this way she might be able to see why it is a good Uni and why you want to go there. Sometimes in situations like this it just helps to see the place as she might then be able to picture you there which would help her to be happy about you going there. Try and go to some subject talks too so she can see what the Uni is like and why you want to go there.
Ultimately you need to put your happiness first, so if this means just going to that university even if your parents don't approve then you should do this. However, if you want them to be on board with the idea first then it is worth trying to show and convince them that it is in your best interests to go there and hope that they agree with you. If it bothering you that your mum is trying to put you off, you should tell her that you don't like that she is using being a sixth form teacher to try and put you off going and she might see that she shouldn't be doing this as she might not have realised it was bothering you so much.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 8
Get the finance formand get your parents to fill in their part first then you can fill in your part at collage or something then before uni just tell her I'm going to uni (don't ask tell) if she tries to stop you don't tell hew where and just dip.
Spoiler
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Not unusual for parents to have attachment issues when it comes to children leaving the nest, however it is ultimately as an 18 year old (presumably) adult, your decision to make.
id probably lead the conversation with: im looking for support exploring my options with university both locally as well as around the country with “my decision”.
I also would note working & teaching In a sixth form does not make you knowledgeable or have any expertise on university, ultimately 6-form is really an extension of high school education and very different to higher education. Often when i see students who have received bad advice (often related to university choices & UCAS), this came from teachers and their school.
Reply 10
Maybe ask her nicely what her fears are maybe you could help put her mind at ease depending on what those fears are.
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
I’m currently in yr12 (going into yr13 in September), and I really want to go to university. Ive never thought about doing anything else after finishing school, I’ve always wanted to move out for university as I don’t like london; and I really dislike where I live and I want to get away from it.
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
My mum and I were talking today when she randomly asked me about university then said “promise me you won’t go anywhere far, ur too young to move out - that’s the one thing I won’t let you do.”
She has recently started saying things to steer me away from university, eg critiquing everywhere I say I want to go or mentioning how family friends have had bad experiences at university. She used to teach at a sixth form college so she knows a lot.
However she let me go to summer schools and kept texting me the whole time saying she hates me being away and she misses me, even though it was only for 4 days. She let me go to one for a uni quite far away, and didn’t say anything about me not being able to move out for uni.
My parents and I are not close at all tbh, we talk in passing but we are generally not close and some days I don’t even see my mum because she comes home late from work and
my dad and I just have a weird relationship. My brother is 19 and didn’t go to university, he can’t find a job and just sits at home all day and has suffered with really bad mental health issues since finishing school.
I’m a lot more independent than my brother and I prefer to be by myself, I know there is no way that I’d be able to balance going to uni and living with my family - even doing my GCSES was such a struggle because I can’t even breath without somebody disrupting me.
Tbh I really don’t know what to do because it feels so unfair how I’ve already planned where I want to go and want I want to do, and now she’s suddenly telling me I can’t?
Hey there,
My advice is to try and take your mom to an Open Day at the university. You can show her that the university is in the nice area, and sow her around. Also you will be able to show her accommodation and that there is nothing scary about university
Take care,
Ilya
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