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relationship advice

So I’ve travelled with my family and my partners family to their family abroad.

Moral of the story is that my partner has a lot of close cousins that we are seeing everyday. The first day I met them I was overwhelmed and I felt like they didn’t really greet me well as fair enough it’s the first time meeting. However, they all speak a different language and so do we but everyone can also speak English.

They always speak their language and fair enough that’s okay but I get tired and frustrated as I feel like that’s just disrespectful.

I try my best with everyone but I don’t fully open up so fast I hold a guard as I know if I am too nice people have taken advantage.

They’re just so moody I get that I have a resting face but doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk like I’ve tried to talk but they don’t bother. I am also on my period and I do feel irritated at times.

I feel like this was the worst thing to do and I’m here for two weeks I’ve seen a lot already and they have definitely been saying bad things about me. Apparently I’m giving dirts? When I’m just sitting as everyone is talking their langauge and it’s awkward for me to join. It’s unfair and my partner doesn’t understand either. I can’t just be a beg and start talking so much when nobody is making effort. I just want to go home now.

I’ve been crying all day it’s just too much for me

Please tell me what to do thanks
Original post by Anonymous
So I’ve travelled with my family and my partners family to their family abroad.
Moral of the story is that my partner has a lot of close cousins that we are seeing everyday. The first day I met them I was overwhelmed and I felt like they didn’t really greet me well as fair enough it’s the first time meeting. However, they all speak a different language and so do we but everyone can also speak English.
They always speak their language and fair enough that’s okay but I get tired and frustrated as I feel like that’s just disrespectful.
I try my best with everyone but I don’t fully open up so fast I hold a guard as I know if I am too nice people have taken advantage.
They’re just so moody I get that I have a resting face but doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk like I’ve tried to talk but they don’t bother. I am also on my period and I do feel irritated at times.
I feel like this was the worst thing to do and I’m here for two weeks I’ve seen a lot already and they have definitely been saying bad things about me. Apparently I’m giving dirts? When I’m just sitting as everyone is talking their langauge and it’s awkward for me to join. It’s unfair and my partner doesn’t understand either. I can’t just be a beg and start talking so much when nobody is making effort. I just want to go home now.
I’ve been crying all day it’s just too much for me
Please tell me what to do thanks

I'm so sorry no one has replied yet, but ill give it a shot!

Look, I really feel that them speaking in their own language is not inclusive and is quite disrespectful for having guests.
You're right that this is unfair because it feels unwelcoming as they don't communicate enough and just assume things about you!

Speak up about this before the situation gets even worse!

They need to understand how horribly this is affecting both you and your partner.

I hope you all have a smooth weekend. 🙂
I forgot to mention that you don't deserve to be treated in a unwelcoming manner!

Reply 3

The onus is on your boyfriend to provide the social lubrication to ease you into the situation.
It's all down to how positively and enthusiastically he introduces. How he sits next to you and holds your hand. How he makes efforts to bring you into the conversation.
Give him gentle nudges on how you expect him to help you out here.

If they're all sitting there having a catching-up conversation, that's your cue to try to join in. If they keep leaving you out, you can get up and do something else, in a positive cheerful manner. Go start cooking, or gathering ingredients to cook, go for a country walk, or a swim in the sea or river, play a round of golf, do some sight-seeing, go clean and tidy your room, do some gardening, go do some paid work or studying on your laptop.

What's the worst that will happen? At the end of these 2 weeks you'll go home and dump him. In which case you'll have a set of great anecdotes from this episode.

You can't be responsible for the anti-social behaviour of others. You are responsible for how you use your own time. Make the most of these 2 weeks.

Reply 4

Original post by Dunnig Kruger
The onus is on your boyfriend to provide the social lubrication to ease you into the situation.
It's all down to how positively and enthusiastically he introduces. How he sits next to you and holds your hand. How he makes efforts to bring you into the conversation.
Give him gentle nudges on how you expect him to help you out here.
If they're all sitting there having a catching-up conversation, that's your cue to try to join in. If they keep leaving you out, you can get up and do something else, in a positive cheerful manner. Go start cooking, or gathering ingredients to cook, go for a country walk, or a swim in the sea or river, play a round of golf, do some sight-seeing, go clean and tidy your room, do some gardening, go do some paid work or studying on your laptop.
What's the worst that will happen? At the end of these 2 weeks you'll go home and dump him. In which case you'll have a set of great anecdotes from this episode.
You can't be responsible for the anti-social behaviour of others. You are responsible for how you use your own time. Make the most of these 2 weeks.

Overall, I am back but the whole trip was a life lesson to me because many times my sister in law and mother in law would annoy me and then I would defend myself and give the same back

I didn’t feel much love towards anyone and I didn’t make a good impression but at the end of the day I feel like the more nice I am to people the more advantage they take of me.

I could’ve been so nice and left a nice impression but once I get ****ed I do hold grudges but I did enjoy myself with my family and my partner did give me attention and time but sometimes things would annoy me and he would understand and have some patience.

I don’t think I want to go again to be honest because I felt out of place I could’ve involved myself but my sister in law got really brave and changed and had a big ego cause she acts like she knows everything there and I don’t like when people are fake.

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