Why do some people do this after breakups?

Hi,

I've come across a few guys and just another recently and I found myself thinking about a question as to why some guy after a breakup, they work so hard on their physical appearance and just looking better, for example we often find these guys taking gym and working out alot more seriously with the sole purpose of trying to show their ex what they missed out on.

But if they're working so hard to prove something to their ex, doesn't this show how they care or still actually have feelings for them since their goal surrounds the ex?

If its me and I broke up with someone, I wouldn't feel the need to try to show them something cause its already in the past, I'll just go about my normal routine and just get on with my life.

What do you guys think?

Reply 1

StriderHort

This is isn't a guy thing, anyone can and does do this after breakups

It's rarely about directly trying to make your ex jealous (or indeed engage with them at all) It's simply about making yourself look/feel desirable again since you just got rejected, After all, unless you got dumped for having a belly then going to the gym isn't going to fix why you broke up in the slightest.

It's the same with rebounds or hookups after a breakup, sure there will be some people who aren't over it and want their ex to find out they're with someone (also known as 'playing stupid games') but the vast majority just want to feel wanted again.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
I've come across a few guys and just another recently and I found myself thinking about a question as to why some guy after a breakup, they work so hard on their physical appearance and just looking better, for example we often find these guys taking gym and working out alot more seriously with the sole purpose of trying to show their ex what they missed out on.
But if they're working so hard to prove something to their ex, doesn't this show how they care or still actually have feelings for them since their goal surrounds the ex?
If its me and I broke up with someone, I wouldn't feel the need to try to show them something cause its already in the past, I'll just go about my normal routine and just get on with my life.
What do you guys think?

definitely not a guy thing, so many girls do it too. Most people do it because they want to feel confident again. Many people do stay the same after a breakup but many people see it as an opportunity for self improvement.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

But why is that when the person breaks up, they would think it has something to do with them and not the other person? You've said that its more about making yourself desirable again or because they want to feel confident again, but why don't they think its not because of something they're lacking but maybe because the other person simply wasn't matched or suitable with them and they're perfect the way they are and the right person will come along and see the value in them and accept them for who are they?

I agree with your statements, its only guys, but also girls too. I have a friend and she was cheated on by this guy and then she said that she will start going gym to make herself look better so he can regret what he did. So in this case, why wouldn't she have thought instead that the guy wasn't worth her time and attention and she is great the way she is both in personality and looks so she doesn't need to change anything?

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

I'm not a guy, but I have tried to better myself after a break-up. There were multiple reasons. My ex was abusive so getting away from that gave me a lease of energy and a desire to look after myself, and I also had the time to do things for me because I was no longer wasting it on another person. I also wanted to prove to myself that I was too good for him (or at the very least good enough to not be hurt by someone). None of it was about showing him anything, it was only about me.

Reply 5

StriderHort

Original post by Anonymous

But why is that when the person breaks up, they would think it has something to do with them and not the other person? You've said that its more about making yourself desirable again or because they want to feel confident again, but why don't they think its not because of something they're lacking but maybe because the other person simply wasn't matched or suitable with them and they're perfect the way they are and the right person will come along and see the value in them and accept them for who are they?
I agree with your statements, its only guys, but also girls too. I have a friend and she was cheated on by this guy and then she said that she will start going gym to make herself look better so he can regret what he did. So in this case, why wouldn't she have thought instead that the guy wasn't worth her time and attention and she is great the way she is both in personality and looks so she doesn't need to change anything?

Ah, those sort of balanced thoughts about why a relationship really ended and your own actual part in it often take a lot longer to work through, maybe years, some never do. If people were able to easily work all this stuff out and express themselves and listen they prob wouldn't have broken up in the first place yeah?

I took a breakup (together 5 yr) really bad years ago and even for a year or so after I was 'ok' but felt gutted and unwanted even though I should have 100% seen the breakup coming, and over the next few years we got back together twice with the exact same results. It took years for me to be open to what my close (and mutual) friends were telling me, to get off my self pity guilt trip and understand that while I was a crap boyfriend, I was very much also messed about badly by my ex, and until then I didn't start to really move forward and accept the fact we simply were not compatible. It took a long gap before I was able to address it without emotion.

Reply 6

MDB512024

Physical appearance as we age can make people of both sexes feel self conscious and as a result it plays havoc with their minds because they are quite often caught in a viscous circle of questions like "Was it my bodily figure ?", "What should I do to change my appearance ?", " Will the next person I meet like what they see ?".

Questions like these can lock us into a constant roundabout of asking the same questions over and over again until we mentally drive ourselves round the twist trying to break that circle of questions and thoughts.

I had a few knock backs aswell as 2 relationships both lasting 3 years before I met my other half who I have been with for 22 years as of October this year. The 1st of those 3 year relationships was with my daughters mum who was only with me for my money and to get pregnant by before she told me after my eldest daughter ( soon to turn 26 in August ) was born that she didn't love me anymore. It wasn't until I got back home 1 day that I realised why she felt like that which I duly found out later that day from a few of our neighbours. The 2nd relationship was 1 which I ended myself as things were never brilliant and I was going through a bad patch of not eating simply because of the constant nagging I was having to put up with at the time but that's another story and not relevant here. Suffice it to say both my exes went off with the same guy who was my mate's brother who is now serving 16 months in jail for reasons I cannot discuss on here. Both of my exes were having it away with this guy behind my back ( not at the same time I must add ).

I took some time out of trying to find someone who would love me for who I am and not what is in my wallet or my pants for that matter and to all our female members on here, yes I am fully aware that NOT ALL women or only after money or kids and I hereby offer my apologies here and now if any of you are offended but my apologies are offered nonetheless.

In late September 2002 my brother told me about my now other half who he was working with at the time, he asked me would I like to meet her and could he give her my phone number. I answered yes to both questions and we've been together now for 22 years ( as of October this year ) as I mentioned earlier and couldn't be happier, however, going back to the primary point of the question, self conscious aswell as self confidence and self esteem can all play a part in why people go body building or maybe even just to tone themselves up a little because when your confidence takes a knock or a few knocks as time goes on, your mental wellbeing can suffer badly which can take some time to recover from.

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