Feeling behind

I am a bar course student training to be a barrister(lawyer)
I’ve had exams I need to retake
I am diagnosed with mental health conditions depression anxiety bulimia
I am also estranged from my family for past 8 years
Didn’t come from a traditional privileged background
Haven’t been on holiday in years
Used foodbanks etc
How can I cope better with seeing others get ahead with advantages plus framing this more positively so I can be confidently apply for jobs

Reply 1

Stiffy Byng

I have to be blunt, and ask if you have chosen the right career. Being a barrister is a high stress job. It's emotionally and psychologically demanding. It can be damaging to a person's mental health. You need resilience and a lot of self belief to succeed at the Bar.

Reply 2

Butterflywings24

Most jobs are high stress tbh. At least if you want to be in the upper echelons. If you knew my circumstances beyond the few nuggets I posted, you would know I have a lot of resilience to be where I am today. Also it’s saddening that even though my conditions are considered disabilities there is still a lot of close mindedness and discrimination in terms of making comments you wouldn’t say to someone who was in a wheel chair for example.

Reply 3

Forlornsoul

Hey there

•

First of all, well done! You've made it to a very prestigious position, despite your setbacks

•

Remember that it's these setbacks and lack of a privileged background, which will give you that empathy and resilience you will need in your career - if anything it will give you an advantage

•

There is no right time or one size fits all when it comes to a career or life journey

•

Maybe Stiffy meant that you a support network would be useful, but unfortunately you haven't had the advantage of that so far

•

You may wish to consider therapy as well - not a quick fix, but may help to put things into a more manageable perspective - the struggles you are facing do not make you weak

Reply 4

Butterflywings24

Original post by Forlornsoul

Hey there

•

First of all, well done! You've made it to a very prestigious position, despite your setbacks

•

Remember that it's these setbacks and lack of a privileged background, which will give you that empathy and resilience you will need in your career - if anything it will give you an advantage

•

There is no right time or one size fits all when it comes to a career or life journey

•

Maybe Stiffy meant that you a support network would be useful, but unfortunately you haven't had the advantage of that so far

•

You may wish to consider therapy as well - not a quick fix, but may help to put things into a more manageable perspective - the struggles you are facing do not make you weak

Forlorn soul, thank you so much for commenting. It just really upsets me when people say for example oh you shouldn’t do x because you have y problem. Because of this was the case, then disabled people shouldn’t do the olympics or people who fear public speaking shouldn’t become motivational speakers. I believe it is about learning to manage things and making it more accessible.

Thank you for what you said about using it to my advantage and it providing me with resilience. I feel like my background is not something I can go back in time I can change so I may as well shape it as a strength.

I imagine I may form a support network when I’m able to form more friends, get a partner plus even just having barrister colleagues too.

I hope to be able to do therapy once I’m able to afford it. I feel like a lot of this just stems from the trauma I experienced in my family. Especially the bulimia and not learning healthier coping mechanisms. Probably even the therapy like more of a one to one basis like better help for example could even help me to thrive more under stress

Reply 5

Stiffy Byng

These links may be of interest -

https://www.barcouncil.org.uk/support-for-barristers/equality-diversity-and-inclusion/disability.html

https://www.allbar.org.uk/

https://www.bdabar.org/

You can do it!

Original post by Goffogof

You can do it!

Thank you!!!

Reply 8

Butterflywings24

Original post by Stiffy Byng

These links may be of interest -
https://www.barcouncil.org.uk/support-for-barristers/equality-diversity-and-inclusion/disability.html
https://www.allbar.org.uk/
https://www.bdabar.org/

Please do not comment on any of my posts in future, thank you.

Reply 9

De Montfort University

Official Rep

Original post by Butterflywings24

Hey there,

I would advise to try to reframe your experiences as unique qualities that make you stronger and more empathetic. Instead of focusing on what others have, think about how far you've come and the skills you've developed along the way. Your background can actually be a powerful asset, showing potential employers your ability to persevere and adapt.

Keep pushing forward and don't hesitate to seek support from friends, mentors, or mental health professionals. You're not alone, and there are people who want to help you succeed. You've got this!

Best regards,
Ilya

Reply 10

Butterflywings24

Original post by De Montfort University

Hey there,
I would advise to try to reframe your experiences as unique qualities that make you stronger and more empathetic. Instead of focusing on what others have, think about how far you've come and the skills you've developed along the way. Your background can actually be a powerful asset, showing potential employers your ability to persevere and adapt.
Keep pushing forward and don't hesitate to seek support from friends, mentors, or mental health professionals. You're not alone, and there are people who want to help you succeed. You've got this!
Best regards,
Ilya

Omg Ilya,

This has made my day already. Thank you for taking the time to write this! I really appreciate the confidence boost you gave me!

Reply 11

beautifulworld

Hello Butterflywings24,

I read your posts in this thread... You have come a long way. 🌟 This doesn't need to be said, but keep going and give your best in preparation for your exams. 🌟

Reply 12

Butterflywings24

Original post by beautifulworld

Hello Butterflywings24,
I read your posts in this thread... You have come a long way. 🌟 This doesn't need to be said, but keep going and give your best in preparation for your exams. 🌟

Thank you so much beautiful world! This really put a smile on my face ♥️

Reply 13

University of Bath

Official Rep

Original post by Butterflywings24

Thank you so much beautiful world! This really put a smile on my face ♥️

Hi @Butterflywings24 ,

Reading this thread, its honestly inspirational what you've managed to achieve despite your background and circumstances - this speaks for itself. Be kind to yourself - recognise your achievements, take time out for yourself, and be vocal if you're struggling. Frank Sinatra once said: the best revenge is massive success. I know it sounds corny, but give yourself a bit of credit - you absolutely can do it :smile:

Best wishes and best of luck with your future!

Holly
University of Bath

Reply 14

Butterflywings24

Original post by University of Bath

Hi @Butterflywings24 ,
Reading this thread, its honestly inspirational what you've managed to achieve despite your background and circumstances - this speaks for itself. Be kind to yourself - recognise your achievements, take time out for yourself, and be vocal if you're struggling. Frank Sinatra once said: the best revenge is massive success. I know it sounds corny, but give yourself a bit of credit - you absolutely can do it :smile:

Best wishes and best of luck with your future!
Holly
University of Bath

Holly you are so amazing for saying this! I really appreciate it! Thank you so much! I can’t wait to achieve the massive success one day and look back and see how far I’ve come but also be able to see it in this moment