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Could anyone please mark this essay for GCSE English? Thank you.

Compare the poets' feelings towards a place in 'The Emigrée' and one other poem from 'Power and Conflict'. [30 marks]

'The Emigrée' was a poem written by Rumens about the experience of a young woman after having left her home country, presumably due to war and the emergence of a dictatorial regime. She misses her city greatly, and associates it with the happy times of her childhood. 'London' was a protest poem, by William Blake, which criticises the status quo and describes the suffering in the city of London.

In 'The Emigrée', her city (unnamed to make the message universal) is presented as a pure and innocent place, which the speaker associates with her childhood. The poem begins as she nostalgically reflects, starting with 'There was once a country…'. This sounds like the opening of a fairytale, linking to her young age at which she left the city, and how as she tries to preserve her memories of the city, she reverts to child-like coping mechanisms. The streets of her city are described as being 'white', which has connotations of innocence and purity. She describes the city almost romantically, personifying it into a being whom she can 'comb' the 'hair' of and dance with. The motif of sunlight is clear throughout the poem - she describes her memories as being 'sunlight-clear', and says that she herself has been 'marked by an impression of sunlight'. All three stanzas end in 'sunlight', reflecting how she has resolutely decided to not be swayed by outsider opinion and to be loyal to and maintain the beautiful image of her native country that she envisions.

The way the city in 'London' is portrayed directly contrasts to this. Rather than being seen as a place of purity and innocence, it is seen as being the exact opposite of these things, and stripping its inhabitants of their youth and childhoods. Blake was a Romantic poet, who promoted a calm and peaceful life, and criticised the constant work and disregard for childhood that was present in England during the Industrial Revolution. He wanted to show how everyone was made to suffer by those in charge, who had no respect for those below them. An 'infant', a 'chimney-sweeper' and a 'youthful harlot' are mentioned in particular, to show that a) oppression and suffering starts from the moment a person is born and b) youth is destroyed as young women are forced to turn to prostitution due to poverty, and young boys must work rather than seek education in order to feed their families. Like in 'The Emigrée', the colour white also represents purity - however it is absent from London as the Church (which used to be an institution of morality and caring for those in need) is 'black'ning'. This displays the moral corruption of those in charge, and protests against the status quo.

The reader may question if the speaker in 'The Emigrée' has completely positive opinions of her city. She may be interpreted as beginning to question the idealised version of the city she used to believe in. She says that she 'never saw' the city 'in that November', which is a dark and gloomy month symbolising the start of potentially political violence and the extinguishing of the city's bright 'sunlight'. The narrator was just a child at the time of leaving, and the first stanza is filled with phrases such as 'I am told' and 'it seems', which imply that she has only got most of her information about her birthplace from those around her, due to her young age. This poem may be interpreted as a conflict between the joy and innocence of childhood, which is led by the heart, and an acceptance of the harsh reality of adulthood, where one realises the brutality of the world around them. Although the speaker appears stubborn in her beliefs, comparing them to a 'paperweight', she internally acknowledges that her memories of her childhood are wrong and her view of her home country is misguided. She says that 'time rolls its tanks', which implies that she views time as an enemy, as her increasing age forces her to question her once-strong beliefs about the city. The mentioning of 'tanks' could also suggest that she has finally started to associate her city with violence and conflict, and is starting to break free from the illusion and realise that it 'may be at war' and 'sick with tyrants'.

In the poem 'London', it is clear that the speaker recognises the oppression and suffering in his city. He criticises the illusion people have about the power and greatness of London. During this time, England had an empire spanning 1/3 of the globe, upon which 'the sun never sets', and British soldiers were seen as glorious, and surely they would feel lucky and proud of their strong nation? Blake rejects this, and symbolises this with 'the hapless soldier's sigh'. The juxtaposition of the ideas of being 'hapless' and to be a soldier in the British army, conquering the world, would have shocked a contemporary reader, and may have caused them to question their ideas about what their government should prioritise. The suffering in the city of London is portrayed as immense, and the narrator blames the monarchy and the Church for it. Whilst the 'hapless soldier :undefined:

' risk their lives in service of their leaders, their blood 'runs' 'down palace walls'. The palace walls act as a physical barrier separating the rich from the poor - those in power from the powerless. The rulers are spared from the violence, as they are protected by the walls (symbolising their status). Perhaps Blake was attempting to incite revolution, as many Europeans were inspired by the ongoing (successful) French revolution, where the ordinary people rose up to overthrow their leaders and defend themselves from oppression.

In conclusion, both 'The Emigrée' and 'London' present strong feelings towards the places they describe. Both describe conflict in their cities, however the narrator in the poem 'London' fights against it and criticises the perpetrators, whilst the speaker in 'The Emigrée' could be interpreted as delusional in her rejection of it. She wants to preserve her idealised view of her home country, although there are hints that she may not truly believe in what she says. 'London' focuses on a vivid description of the suffering in the city, and views it as being destroyed by those in positions of authority.

Reply 1

DerDracologe

Study Forum Helper

Good initial summaries of both poems
In the intro focus more on the question, begin to present arguments (similarities and differences) between the two poems. The bit on the first poem answers the question, but the bit on London is quite vague so develop it more- your intro needs to be engaging for a high mark
Embed some of your quotations a little more seamlessly with your own words, this is done well for shorter ones but need to be more consistent
Make sure paragraph topic sentences are linking to the question
Improved language and structure focus- well done :smile:

Great comparison entering the paragraph on London!
Avoid showing points as a) and b). Use firstly and secondly or language of possibility (this is a great thing to include throughout and I encourage you to start using it to raise your marks)
Excellent informed views by context of both poems
Lovely linking between the colour imagery and how this shows differing meanings and emotions
Link back to the question regularly! This will make your work more cohesive
Consider more ambitious vocab instead of words like positive
More subject terminology! You used this so well in the first paragraph but it need to be consistent throughout even with shorter quotations like the paperweight which is a metaphor I think from what you said so state it as one, its an easy mark!
Wonderful conclusion- would be great to see some of these ideas moved to the intro though as the conclusion should be shorter and not a recap as much as the intro should be used as a way to present your views overall
As usual amazing meaning and knowledge of both poems
Focus in more on the reader for a higher mark as it’s specially mentioned in the mark scheme

Small apology for my previous marking as I was using an aqa mark scheme not specific to poetry but for this I would give it a mark in the range 23-26, great job! :smile:

Also again happy to clarify any of my pointers, have a great day :smile:

Reply 2

Sichwünschen

Thank you very much for the feedback!

Have a great day too!

😁

Reply 3

Sichwünschen

Original post

by DerDracologe

Great comparison entering the paragraph on London!
Avoid showing points as a) and b). Use firstly and secondly or language of possibility (this is a great thing to include throughout and I encourage you to start using it to raise your marks)
Excellent informed views by context of both poems
Lovely linking between the colour imagery and how this shows differing meanings and emotions
Link back to the question regularly! This will make your work more cohesive
Consider more ambitious vocab instead of words like positive
More subject terminology! You used this so well in the first paragraph but it need to be consistent throughout even with shorter quotations like the paperweight which is a metaphor I think from what you said so state it as one, its an easy mark!
Wonderful conclusion- would be great to see some of these ideas moved to the intro though as the conclusion should be shorter and not a recap as much as the intro should be used as a way to present your views overall
As usual amazing meaning and knowledge of both poems
Focus in more on the reader for a higher mark as it’s specially mentioned in the mark scheme
Small apology for my previous marking as I was using an aqa mark scheme not specific to poetry but for this I would give it a mark in the range 23-26, great job! :smile:

Also again happy to clarify any of my pointers, have a great day :smile:

Question: Should I not include the description of the poems in the introduction?

As in, which is better:

1) #1 is a ______ poem which describes _______. #2 is a _______ poem by ______, about _____________________. In #1 __(the theme)___ is presented as being _____ as ________, whereas in #2, __(the theme)___ is presented as _____, for example when _________.

2) In #1, __(the theme)___ is presented as being ______. (Argument). (Alt. Interpretation). Whereas in #2..... (same thing).

How do I introduce my arguments in the introduction without taking away my points for the rest of the essay?

Reply 4

DerDracologe

Study Forum Helper

I think it depends on whether it strengths your argument and also how quickly you can do this!
I’ve just checked through some of my essays (different exam board so bear that in mind) but I’ve found two essays on poetry (same question style and very similar focused ms) both of which I got 19/20 with no intro written whatsoever. Instead I focused on keeping a clear argument throughout my writing by starting each paragraph with like a little overview of the point:
In this people this is presented through this…. Whereas/similarly in this poem this is presented this way…
However I do know how to write thesis statements for things like Romeo and Juliet so here’s my best attempt at a paragraph structure for you based on the above exam question (too lazy to include proper stuffs though lol):
In this poem the poet’s feeling toward peace is presented through the focus on this and this throughout the poem. In contrast (could also be pointing out a similarity though) in this poem the poet presents differing views by presenting ideas of this and this. These differences in view reflect on the experiences faced by the two poets highlighted by the contrast between this element of this poem compared to this element of this poem (like tone or imagery or focus or something).
Overall I would say to focus on making sure you’re summarising the differences and similarities and introducing your overall argument to the reader but as you said it doesn’t want to be a list of all your points- more a general view which your paragraphs offer examples and evidence of!
Happy to explain any of this as I acknowledge half of it is probably not very easy to comprehend and also to answer any further questions for you