Dealing with cafe next door
I am recovering from an eating disorder and gained a bit of weight last year, 5kg in total but recently lost 1kg so I’m 4kg away from where my body was before. However when my period comes around I get so bloated and retain so much water. I get so self conscious.
I live next door to a cafe and it’s my worst nightmare. It never used to be there but emerged a few year after I moved to this flat.
Due to experiencing many challenges in my career life, I’m not where I want to be. As a result I tend to keep a low profile as most people tend to like to brag about how great their life is. Mine isn’t so sparkly at the moment .I just feel like it’s not my season yet, I’m still putting in the work and planting the seeds.
K also need to recover from my estrangement, it affected me deeply and also contributed to my challenges.
Anyway, with this next door cafe. Every time I leave the house the owner is always hanging out outside. I just hate it so much because I have to walk past him all the time. I just feel like I don’t want anything and it’s kind of a thing that we don’t really talk or say anything to each other. But I feel like maybe he is judging me for being closed off or that he might notice I gained weight. But also I ask myself even if he did, why should I care?
I guess with eating disorders, gaining weight is like the scariest thing ever . Especially if people notice or comment. I’ve never experienced this but it’s just the fear that makes me get extremely anxious.
I feel quite vulnerable at the moment and k do need to look after my mental heal. I’m not able to move out of this flat just yet, but it at just a constant worry in my mind having to walk past the cafe. I feel like I can’t escape it and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
Please no comments about, why don’t you talk to him etc.
I’m just feeling really vulnerable at this point in my life and finding it hard to deal with sharing about my life with people in real life or people bragging about how great their life is, when I’m struggling
I live next door to a cafe and it’s my worst nightmare. It never used to be there but emerged a few year after I moved to this flat.
Due to experiencing many challenges in my career life, I’m not where I want to be. As a result I tend to keep a low profile as most people tend to like to brag about how great their life is. Mine isn’t so sparkly at the moment .I just feel like it’s not my season yet, I’m still putting in the work and planting the seeds.
K also need to recover from my estrangement, it affected me deeply and also contributed to my challenges.
Anyway, with this next door cafe. Every time I leave the house the owner is always hanging out outside. I just hate it so much because I have to walk past him all the time. I just feel like I don’t want anything and it’s kind of a thing that we don’t really talk or say anything to each other. But I feel like maybe he is judging me for being closed off or that he might notice I gained weight. But also I ask myself even if he did, why should I care?
I guess with eating disorders, gaining weight is like the scariest thing ever . Especially if people notice or comment. I’ve never experienced this but it’s just the fear that makes me get extremely anxious.
I feel quite vulnerable at the moment and k do need to look after my mental heal. I’m not able to move out of this flat just yet, but it at just a constant worry in my mind having to walk past the cafe. I feel like I can’t escape it and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
Please no comments about, why don’t you talk to him etc.
I’m just feeling really vulnerable at this point in my life and finding it hard to deal with sharing about my life with people in real life or people bragging about how great their life is, when I’m struggling
It's ever so easy to have negative thoughts, and once these take residence in your head it is hard to evict them. I can't assure you enough that most people in life have a veneer of public 'show' or swagger. People are desperate to present a happy shell to the outside world, a bit like a candy covered chocolate. Just as social media is full of happy smily people. Of course they all are. Everyone is having such a fun time, everyone gets on together, just like the adverts on screen where everyone is matey, happy, laughing. It's a complete facade aimed at getting you to buy stuff. When you stop and think who is the controller here? Who wants you to buy into this wonderful materialistic world where everyone is perfect? All these selfies 'look at me' look at me' Why do you want to buy into this same fake world? You have been conned if you think your looks are so important? The reality is that so many people are very unhappy with their world and their lot. You are no different. The trick is to just 'do your best' If you are average and happy why do you need to be an 'honours' level A grade student and screwing yourself into the ground? Back off and find the middle ground? Recognise that the people who brag about their prowess or their wonderful skills are often the ones dragged along into the fake world society. They often use bragging as a cover for their own self doubts or lack of confidence. It is just a different form of feeling rubbish. It is how you deal with it that matters.
When you get a moment make a list of all the things you have achieved that you are proud of or even the slightest bit pleased with? This is your list, not your Mum or your Dad's or siblings, or anyone else. Sometimes the bar is very low, and the simplest things are so important. It might have nothing to do with work or grades. Just stuff like - got up at 10am (2 hours earlier) Walked for ten minutes. make a list of what makes you happy? List several things that make you smile, that make you happy and think about them. Do those activities or things if you can?
Why do you insist on crucifying your wonderful beautiful body? Give it the TLC it deserves and would want, like a plant needing water. Why do you hate your body? Nurture it. Treat it gently and it is yours to last a while yet. The hard truth is no one really cares what you look like. You are a temporary being in an intransient world.
Here one day gone the next. We exist in a space that belongs to no one in particular. Sometimes just being able to lie down is a luxury. When you are gone do you think others will remember you 10 years down the line for your looks? Why should they?
So take time to really find out what makes someone tick? Don't ever make assumptions about how someone thinks, because you don't know that, and you could be very wrong. Just take time to be open, and say a few kind words. They can break down far more doors and barriers than any sledge hammer or shields that you need to fend people off.
Before you go to sleep list three positive things that happened in the day. They may be small and insignificant things but they are so important. They are your small positive events and you can own them, no one else. Be grateful for the very basic of positives. You have a roof over your head (hopefully), you can lie down to sleep, you have a choice to eat and have some money to buy food. If you are in reasonable health you can improve it. Work out how and be determined to do that. Even with mental health problems you usually know the reason why you feel the way you do. If you can't change the past and insist on hanging on to it, why do you want to do that? What meaning do those events have for you and why do you think they help you now? If you can change something that affects your day to day then do it, just a little bit at a time.
If you feel overwhelmed or need support go to your GP and get that help now. Use the Uni welfare and support services if you still can? Look at what might be available in a work setting and use it. Help yourself and get help is you cannot do this, but do it sooner before you spiral down the plughole. Believe that you can get better, and will. Stop the comparisons and get on with making your life better on your own terms, not dance to someone else's tune. Hope you feel better soon.
When you get a moment make a list of all the things you have achieved that you are proud of or even the slightest bit pleased with? This is your list, not your Mum or your Dad's or siblings, or anyone else. Sometimes the bar is very low, and the simplest things are so important. It might have nothing to do with work or grades. Just stuff like - got up at 10am (2 hours earlier) Walked for ten minutes. make a list of what makes you happy? List several things that make you smile, that make you happy and think about them. Do those activities or things if you can?
Why do you insist on crucifying your wonderful beautiful body? Give it the TLC it deserves and would want, like a plant needing water. Why do you hate your body? Nurture it. Treat it gently and it is yours to last a while yet. The hard truth is no one really cares what you look like. You are a temporary being in an intransient world.
Here one day gone the next. We exist in a space that belongs to no one in particular. Sometimes just being able to lie down is a luxury. When you are gone do you think others will remember you 10 years down the line for your looks? Why should they?
So take time to really find out what makes someone tick? Don't ever make assumptions about how someone thinks, because you don't know that, and you could be very wrong. Just take time to be open, and say a few kind words. They can break down far more doors and barriers than any sledge hammer or shields that you need to fend people off.
Before you go to sleep list three positive things that happened in the day. They may be small and insignificant things but they are so important. They are your small positive events and you can own them, no one else. Be grateful for the very basic of positives. You have a roof over your head (hopefully), you can lie down to sleep, you have a choice to eat and have some money to buy food. If you are in reasonable health you can improve it. Work out how and be determined to do that. Even with mental health problems you usually know the reason why you feel the way you do. If you can't change the past and insist on hanging on to it, why do you want to do that? What meaning do those events have for you and why do you think they help you now? If you can change something that affects your day to day then do it, just a little bit at a time.
If you feel overwhelmed or need support go to your GP and get that help now. Use the Uni welfare and support services if you still can? Look at what might be available in a work setting and use it. Help yourself and get help is you cannot do this, but do it sooner before you spiral down the plughole. Believe that you can get better, and will. Stop the comparisons and get on with making your life better on your own terms, not dance to someone else's tune. Hope you feel better soon.
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