Another English essay

Hello, could anyone please mark this Power and Conflict essay? It's about 'Checking Out Me History' and 'London'. I have attempted to avoid making the mistakes I made during previous essays and I would like to know how many marks this would get:

"Those who don't have power are inevitably angry with those who do."
Using this quotation as a starting point, write about the theme of anger in 'Checking Out Me History' and one other poem from 'Power and Conflict'.
Remember to comment on how the poems are written. [30 marks]

'Checking Out Me History' was a poem written by John Agard, about how he feels he was stripped of his own cultural identity as a child, as he was not taught about important figures from Caribbean history at school. In this poem, anger is directed at the oppressive eductional system which would only teach history from a eurocentric perspective. In 'London', anger is directed at the status quo, namely the Church and the monarchy. This was a protest poem written by William Blake during the Industrial Revolution.

In 'Checking Out Me History', the speaker displays his anger at the formal teaching of history at the very beginning of the poem. Repetition of 'Dem tell me' is used over the first two lines, which conveys the forcefulness and repetitiveness of how the same type of history is being taught. The repetition also gives the lines a slightly more aggressive tone, and suggests he is sick of being ignored. 'Dem' sounds more confrontational than 'They', and the usage of third person suggests that the speaker feels he is not part of this group, distancing himself from them. This could also imply that he feels the teachings about white history are irrelevant to him, and his refusal to use standard English grammar shows this and shows his separation from the society he is attacking. Using 'me' rather than 'us' suggests he wants his voice to be heard, and wants representation of individuals such as himself on the curriculum, rather than glorified white figures. The second stanza consists of only two lines, adding emphasis, as speaker accuses those in charge of education of trying to 'Blind' him and metaphorically 'Bandage up' his eye. Bilabial plosive alliteration is used, which makes the words seem more sharp and aggressive, and these verbs imply that the leaders have deliberately tried to stop him from embracing his cultural identity. They also imply violence, which reflects the extreme lengths they have gone to to oppress his people.

In the poem 'London', anger is directed at the status quo. Blake accuses the monarchy of ignoring the suffering of the people. The narrator says that the 'hapless soldier's sigh / Runs in blood down palace walls'. 'hapless' is an emotive word, which suggests that the soldiers feel disillusioned with the cause they are fighting for. This is almost ironic, as during this time, the British Empire had conquered a third of the world, bringing glory and riches to the country. This is all said to be in vain - their 'blood' is lost to further the goals of those in charge, rather than themselves. This may cause the reader to feel a sense of injustice, and share the anger Blake feels towards those in charge. The monarchy are presented as being exempt from this suffering, as they are protected and separated from everyone else by the 'palace walls'. These are symbols of a physical divide or a barrier, the line setting the rich and the poor, the oppressed and the oppressors apart. The speaker's anger is directed at all aspect of the status quo, reflecting how he believes a drastic change to society should be made - even the Church, a respected institution of morality and good is described as 'black'ning'. The Church is usually associated with the colour white, symbolising purity, whereas now it has became dark and corrupted, a symbol of sin and decadency, the one thing it was created to fight against.

In 'Checking Out Me History', Agard understands that he must limit the level of accusation in his tone, otherwise his message to the British people will not be accepted, which cannot happen as all his efforts would be in vain. The poem drifts between overt anger expressed through repetition and plosive sounds, to calmer paragraphs using losts of rhyme and mentioning of nursey rhyme and pantomine characters such as '**** Wittington and he cat'. During the latter paragraphs, he seeks to entertain and neutralise the tone of his message. This poem is intended to be read as a calypso, which is a type of political music that sounds cheerful, but carries a serious, subtle message about society. This form of poetry originated during the fight for the emancipation of the slaves, which is a major theme in this poem and furthers his argument that his culture is being supressed. The poet has also carefully chosen specific heroic figures from Caribbean history to fit the message of this poem. Rather than making a brutal attack against British society, people such as Mary Seacole are mentioned. Mary Seacole went to Crimea during the Crimean War to help British soldiers. She is even described as a 'healing star', referencing the star that guided the three wise men to Bethlehem, reminding the reader that she also was a Christian and therefore has a similar culture to that of Britain, and can help and 'heal' British society, encouraging the notion that both countries can work together without hate, exclusion or prejudice, for a common goal.

In the poem 'London', the poet attempts to convince the reader to agree in his anger by creating a sense of desperation and urgency, by describing the immense suffering in the city of London, and blaming those in charge for the problem. People of all ages and careers are said to be suffering. The speaker particularly focuses on young people, such as an 'infant', a 'youthful harlot' and a 'chimney sweep', as they are symbols of innocence and an absence of wrongdoing. This arises the sympathy of the reader and may drive them to want to take action. People are said to suffer from the moment they enter the world, as the young woman swears at her newborn paper, the 'curse', 'blasting' the infant's 'ear', up until the moment they leave, symbolised by the poem ending with the words 'marriage hearse'. The poet suggests that any attempts to seek happiness whilst the society is in its current state are futile, as even the traditionally happy image of 'marriage' is tainted with the image of a 'hearse'. This juxtaposition conveys the complete 'wrongness' and corruption of society. Everything is in chaos and the opposite of how it should be. The French Revolution was ongoing during the time this poem was written, and it did inspire revolutionary sentiments abroad against the ruling classes. Perhaps this protest poem was written to incite a British revolution?

Reply 1

DerDracologe

Study Forum Helper

Great intro looking at the main points as we discusses- well done :smile:

To improve your intro further look at how you can already begin to contrast the subjects presented- both of them direct anger towards a construct outside of their control and could be pleading for change for example

Awesome language analysis, rich vocabulary, range of points and ideas, knowledge of contexts
Fab consistent mentioning of the reader!
Slightly more focus on the contrasting arguments throughout. You could consider starting each paragraph with something like similarly/in contrast to in poem A poem B shows this… into a paragraph about poem B
Great increased focus on structure and form- really impressed!
A really high level skill which I was encouraged to use is language of possibility which you used at the end- its essentially questioning and throwing ideas in about what the writer might be trying to say, what they could be suggesting as this makes your ideas seem more insightful!
This is a fantastic piece of work you should be super super proud of yourself

I would give this a 28/30, absolutely amazing! To improve: argument consistently, add some language of possibility, maybe a tad more on the reader. These are just picky points to get you as close to full marks as possible!

Reply 2

Super Sprinkles

Hi, student here - I can't give you a mark because I'm not confident at marking, but I would place this in the top band/level 6 (26+/30) [AQA] because of the quality of your symbolism & alternative interpretations. I do think you might be held a bit back (band 5 also says you need to have "a considered approach to the comparison" so I don't really know) because you're not directly comparing the two poems, though I don't know by how much. I'll just write down some stuff I notice as I read.

Nice intro - I like how you talk about context through "eurocentric perspective" & the Industrial Revolution. Good use of vocabulary (although this isn't directly marked). I would try to directly include what the poets' purposes are for writing their poems, rather than implying it. Also use the words "similarly/likewise" or "whereas/on the other hand" to tell the examiner that you're comparing the two poems rather than talking about one and then another. If anything, your intro feels a bit long, but then again I'm not one to talk; mine were also quite long.

Para 1 - I like how you talk about two different effects (alternative interpretations) of the repetition and how you talk about tone. Is "Dem tell me" anaphora? (it doesn't matter which you use, but one is higher-level vocab). I also like how you talk about the viewpoint (third person) and structure.
My teacher also thought that "bandage up" connotes healing & growth, so maybe you could talk about this juxtaposition of ideas? Also link the end of your paragraph to anger and the poet's ideas/purpose.

Para 2 - nice use of context and irony. I like how you described an effect of the word choice on the reader, using the word "may" to highlight how you're aware of other possible effects. I also like how you talk about how the monarchy can be symbolic and how you link this to Blake's purpose.
"The narrator says that the 'hapless soldier's sigh / Runs in blood down palace walls' " - could you embed the quotation?
I'm not sure if you should say "monarchy is/are".

Para 3 - interesting way of interpreting the poem; I hadn't thought of it this way.
"She is even described as a 'healing star', referencing the star that guided the three wise men to Bethlehem, reminding the reader that she also was a Christian and therefore has a similar culture to that of Britain, and can help and 'heal' British society, encouraging the notion that both countries can work together without hate, exclusion or prejudice, for a common goal." This is a very long sentence and I want to see you use the word "anger" - the examiner needs to see some link to the main part of the question. I know you know the link, but always make sure you're directly answering the question. Also link this to Agard's purpose again - "Perhaps Agard teaches about people important to him to highlight his anger towards the eurocentric curriculum that ignores significant parts of people's identities, and even to use this anger as fuel to get countries to work together without hate, exclusion or prejudice, to 'carve' away a better future." (or something like that).

Para 4 - I like how you talk about symbolism again, but since you've already used the word symbol maybe change them to "connotes" and "is emblematic of"? Of course, this doesn't really affect your marks; it'll just look and flow a little nicer.
"People of all ages and careers are said to be suffering." - could you embed a short quotation here, even if you don't analyse it/analyse it briefly? I was thinking something from "Marks of weakness, marks of woe".
"This arises the sympathy of the reader" - this wording is a bit weird, use the word "evokes" instead?
You could use the word characterise/characterisation since you're talking about people.
"Perhaps this protest poem was written to incite a British revolution?" - I feel this is rushed, but of course this is the end so time pressure I guess. As above, try to link this to anger so you aren't going off on a tangent.

Overall, well done - a high quality argument :smile:

Other words I think you might want to use (maybe in other essays): insinuate, expose, signify, harrowing, acute suffering, domino effect, apathy