Why do I keep behaving this way?

For some time I have had this behaviour where deep down I know what is right, who I am and what is important to me in life yet for some reason around people, I behave completely opposite to what I feel I am and do opposite to what I believe in deep down. What is this called and could this be because I’m around toxic people who keep negatively influencing me making me wear a mask? Or is it simply because I’m confused about my own identity and need to work on understand myself more?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

For some time I have had this behaviour where deep down I know what is right, who I am and what is important to me in life yet for some reason around people, I behave completely opposite to what I feel I am and do opposite to what I believe in deep down. What is this called and could this be because I’m around toxic people who keep negatively influencing me making me wear a mask? Or is it simply because I’m confused about my own identity and need to work on understand myself more?

Hey, this used to happen to me too sometimes. I think it's called something like authenticity gap. For me, it was due to social anxiety and people-pleasing habits. Sometimes, we fear that we might face rejection or dislike if we behave a certain way. We could be fearful of showing vulnerability in front of someone and face the need of putting up barriers. This is usually a sign of discouraging past experiences and being around toxic or manipulative people. You may feel pressured to conform or hide your true self to avoid rejection, judgment, or conflict. Like you've mentioned low self awareness also contributes to this. It's hard to overcome such obstacles but start with more self reflection, try to connect with yourself. You've already identified that your behavior is opposite to what you believe in, now you need to properly understand what you believe in. Another thing is boundary setting and surrounding yourself with authentic relationships. Bad company? Change it. So to be honest, it's a combo of both. Hope this makes sense...?

Reply 2

Forlornsoul

13

Peer pressure, to an extent. Or that you're afraid to show your true self to people, for fear of rejection if you feel your authentic self is different to your friendship group dynamic.

It's unlikely that would be good for your wellbeing in the long term

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

For some time I have had this behaviour where deep down I know what is right, who I am and what is important to me in life yet for some reason around people, I behave completely opposite to what I feel I am and do opposite to what I believe in deep down. What is this called and could this be because I’m around toxic people who keep negatively influencing me making me wear a mask? Or is it simply because I’m confused about my own identity and need to work on understand myself more?

You know what I have found in life, is that you cannot escape the Values and Morals etc that you have been taught by your Parents . As much as you might try your hardest to avoid them when you are a teen when you get past that stage you actually will find it hard to then avoid living by those taught values. I say this from experience. You might make mistakes and choose wrong friends but you will realise that and best then escape from them and find friends with your values. As they say "cream always rises to the top" and that is true of good people also.

Reply 4

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

For some time I have had this behaviour where deep down I know what is right, who I am and what is important to me in life yet for some reason around people, I behave completely opposite to what I feel I am and do opposite to what I believe in deep down. What is this called and could this be because I’m around toxic people who keep negatively influencing me making me wear a mask? Or is it simply because I’m confused about my own identity and need to work on understand myself more?

I think it's a bit of both. I feel like I do this too and I get really frustrated with myself, but I know who I am and who I want to be.

Before, this happened to me a lot and I realised it's because the way I was behaving around people didn't align with who I truly was and who I wanted to be. I couldn't be as carefree or outgoing with my friends at the time, and it's because I was trying to maintain their previous perception of me, when in reality, I had changed a lot, with my morals and values too. Once I realised that I wanted to be around people who bring out the best in me, I kept my distance and I feel like slowly, I'm interacting with like-minded people and it's a very lonely path for me but at the very minimum, i know who and what type of person I want to be and how i want to be around others asw. I haven't burnt any of my bridges, at least not many, but who you hang around does impact you, both positively and negatively.

I think it's an ongoing process but learning what you want, and how you see yourself is just as important as who you hang around. Recognise what parts of yourself you perhaps don't like seeing, and what triggers these and then see how you can positively change it.
Again, I used to get so frustrated and I still do sometimes when I see myself holding back, but it's slow and I know its a whole process.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

You know what I have found in life, is that you cannot escape the Values and Morals etc that you have been taught by your Parents . As much as you might try your hardest to avoid them when you are a teen when you get past that stage you actually will find it hard to then avoid living by those taught values. I say this from experience. You might make mistakes and choose wrong friends but you will realise that and best then escape from them and find friends with your values. As they say "cream always rises to the top" and that is true of good people also.

Yes a large part of what I’m going through, although there’s a lot of angles to it, is affected by my parents and family as a whole. They are good people and taught me good basic values like kindness etc however I am a “black sheep” and I’m very different as a whole compared to them when it comes to wider values and viewing the world. So there is a lot of judgment , arguments , misunderstandings I face because of that and I feel like that may be part of why perhaps I may be influenced to behave in ways that I’m not. But it’s challenging since it’s one person against many and i haven’t yet found any friends in real life ( only online) who would share the same values as me

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Yes a large part of what I’m going through, although there’s a lot of angles to it, is affected by my parents and family as a whole. They are good people and taught me good basic values like kindness etc however I am a “black sheep” and I’m very different as a whole compared to them when it comes to wider values and viewing the world. So there is a lot of judgment , arguments , misunderstandings I face because of that and I feel like that may be part of why perhaps I may be influenced to behave in ways that I’m not. But it’s challenging since it’s one person against many and i haven’t yet found any friends in real life ( only online) who would share the same values as me

Interesting,and you sound like a reflection of myself. I was always the black sheep myself, having been brought up in an academic family and I flunked. I realise now I had/have undiagnosed neurodivergence, likely high spectrum autism. I also made some bad choices of friends and iwsh I hadnt wasted my time with them. My suggestion would be try and get some therapy, if only to give yourself another viewpoint. I understand if you look up "hypnotherapy directory" on Google you cna find some good alround therapists (not just hypnosis) who will give you some free consultations. Is always good to get there views and maybe hit right spot. They might just be the ones that can help you.

Why do I keep behaving this way?

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