Serene Dreams: Season 2 - Raw Reflections 🌙

Hi! I am Serene (not giving you all my real name :wink:

). I used to blog on here before I started university, especially during lockdown. I have just graduated and I am figuring out life post-university so it's sort of a full circle moment to be back. I will be using this space to document the next couple of months as I find my feet. My goal for the next couple of months is really to simply to work on myself in all the ways that you can think of haha. Mostly, I want to carry on doing a lot of inner work and healing so there may be some discussion of mental health and wellbeing. I am not sure I will be posting as frequently as I used to, but I think it would be helpful for me to have this space to reflect on the many changes in my life at the moment.

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(edited 2 months ago)

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Reply 1

Serene Dreams

No-one's locked the backdoor so if I die in my sleep tonight violently, goodbye. Jokes aside, have set the alarm for 6am. Need to do a lot of work tomorrow!

Reply 2

Serene Dreams

Got my feedback from the firm that rejected me and I agree with almost all of it, except one bit. This woman wasn't even my supervisor and I assisted her with a task. She literally asked me to take ROUGH notes and then leaves the feedback it wasn't detailed enough (it was like 5-6 pages long). Next time of course I will always ask for templates no matter how small the task is just to avoid any miscommunication. But, also very annoyed she left the feedback that at one point during the meeting she didn't see me typing. My fingers being still on the keyboard for like 5 seconds doesn't mean I am not thinking about taking the notes down? What the ****. She also seemed super off anyway and not the most approachable person in the office so I am not surprised that was her feedback. 🙄I know some of the work I completed was not to a high quality and that's down to lack of experience and something I will be working on this year. But, what I find frustrating is a firm being like "you are an amazing cultural fit, we want you, just fix this and this and this". Like that's what work is supposed to be for, making these mistakes and learning from them. Learning on the jobbbbb. However, I get that these firms can afford to be so picky with the industry being so saturated and everyone wanting the jobs. Sigh. I despair. Truly I should have been the personality hire at the very least. I would bring the banter to the office at least and I am a hard worker so I would have picked up on the work stuff in no time. Oh well. I will be reapplying anyway since I like the work the firm does, but I will be making so many more applications this cycle to cover my bases and not put all my eggs in one basket. Can't trust these h0es, they aren't loyal. 💖 Manifesting this for me.

And I did not wake up on time. But, I have actually been pretty productive today so I am going to cut myself some slack.

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Reply 3

Serene Dreams

^ Serene not feeling very serene about life lmao.

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Reply 4

Serene Dreams

Anyway, time to email two more firms to secure work experience. It's the only way I will learn and I actually want this career for myself, like I could see myself really enjoying it. Once I start my full-time admin role in a few weeks (don't even know my start date), I won't be able to take time off for work experience placements so better to make the most of the time I have this month and the next. In the industry I want to work in, rejection is so common you literally get used to it. My one problem is I have started assuming I will get rejected so I just think to myself "what's the point" of making the application. Time to ask reddit how to manage this emotion. Joking...or am I?

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Reply 5

Serene Dreams

31/07/2024

I don't know if anyone else can relate to the random bursts of motivation you get to make drastic changes in your life XD Wouldn't even call it drastic but last night around midnight I was making a list of all the things I wanted to get done this year. I think I am in a rare position where I have the time to, as someone recently referred to it as, make a gentle transition into life after uni. Anyway, one of the things on my list is getting my drivers license which I should have got years ago but I was an idiot and kept insisting I wouldn't need to drive in a city with excellent transport links. I hadn't taken into consideration the many situations in which I would want to be able to drive if needed to. So, yeah. Booked my theory test and I am looking up instructors now.

Reply 6

Serene Dreams

I don't know if I want to do weekly updates or random updates but knowing how terrible my memory is, probably a bit of both? I keep a daily notebook for my to-do-lists to keep myself organized so I can always look through that to see what I have been up to. Just got back from the gym and meal prepped. I had been wanting to get back into the weight room for ages but was avoiding most of it because I was just too nervous and felt intimated. So I asked the gym assistant (one of the PTs?) ages ago but I kept delaying it. Today I had just finished my workout and was walking to the changing room when the same PT stopped me. I told him I was exhausted and he was like it's just mostly technique. To be fair he probably knew like most newbies I was looking for excuses. So he helped me with my form. Now I can get back into it and work towards my PR. One of my goals is to be able to squat 80 kg 😭 Honestly having someone help you make positive changes and generally just work towards your goals is the most wholesome thing ever. Random acts of kindness are so uplifting. And then the till cashier at the butchers' told me the manager is looking for someone to do a few hours which sounds ideal because I am still waiting for GR to approve my papers for that admin job. So if I can find other work in the meantime it will be amazing for my savings. Ugh. I just want to start already. Also being out of the house will be amazing for me. Work will keep me busy. We had a lot of family drama last night and I have realised that they are toxicccc and I used to want to be able to change the dynamic but it's so dysfunctional I am going to take a step back and prioritise my peace.

Reply 7

Serene Dreams

I am p!ssing myself laughing. One of my closest friends at uni's called Toby and it just clicked TONIGHT (after 3 years lmao) that I literally used to call the toblerone chocolate bar Toby...I actually can't. (Did I manifest this friendship?) Lockdown had me entering a whole relationship with a chocolate bar. I am telling you no woman has loved a man (or woman) the way I loved that chocolate bar. Also, I am actually seeing Toby soon, we are going to Oxford. Although I have already been once with 🐀 (if you know, you know), I couldn't convince Toby to choose a different city. I have already told him to make up fake updates on his life since uni ended because I always have to be the entertaining friend when we hang out. It's a heavy burden to carry.

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Reply 8

Serene Dreams

#1 ✅

Ran my first 5k since...I actually can't remember the last time I ran a 5k. Probably a few months ago. Anyway, this was one of the goals I set myself earlier last month, which is why I am quickly making a note of it on here. I walked some of it but it still counts because even last year when I was running more regularly and my endurance was much better, walking during runs was super common for me. Sometimes you just haven't warmed up, or get a stitch, or the left shoulder hurts (which seems to be a common issue lol). Anyway, next it's 10k I want to complete and eventually increase it to 25k as my long weekly run. I was out most of today so I am actually kind of exhausted, but tomorrow morning there's a group run at 9am. So I will try to get some sleep soon. It's a 5k so no-one better talk to me whilst I am struggling to breathe. I haven't been to one before and I don't know anyone. I also think running in a group is kind of cringey (I am sorry). But, 🐀 was telling me he's done almost 25 (I think?) of these and he's working towards 50 so he can get a shirt. 💀 I won't be able to beat him of course (he challenged me) because these runs are weekly and there's just not enough time to get that many done before he's back in the UK. Actually, I checked his Strava and he hasn't done one in weeks so if he remains inconsistent like that, I may just have a chance. Back to these group runs though, I find a lot of group stuff cringey, especially because I am sure there will be grown ass adults talking about their children and dogs and what Kevin said or did at work. I am retching. 🤮 But I also think, why not? It's these little things that we do with friends that make life so much more interesting. Anyway, if it's awful tomorrow I am not doing it again.

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Reply 9

Serene Dreams

Also, this is so funny and I am sure I will laugh about it later. I was getting impatient because I still haven't started my job yet. So, I did end up going to that shop the butcher recommended. I sent over my CV and the owner was like I have noticed you recently completed law, what are you career aspirations working here (I thought it was a corner shop but turned out to be a takeaway shop). Career aspirations. Be for real. He also asked me to dress in full black in this heat. Lord have mercy. Anyway, I was like I am saving up for further education and I am looking for part-time work for a year. Half a lie I suppose. Anyway, so he asks me to complete a 3 hour UNPAID trial shift. Well, he never specified if it would be paid or not. I thought the owner would be there and it would be a quick interview. He wasn't. Instead, I was doing a trial shift which lacked any sort of structure whatsoever. Half an hour into it I made an excuse and left 💀 their faces omg. I am lowkey ashamed of how easily I gave up but realistically I would have worked 3-4 weeks before my job started and no amount of money seemed worth it. I think I would have taken it but honestly it would have been 20 hours and roughly I would have made max £600 which would have been nice for my travel budget. Sure. But like all that training just to leave and start training at a different job. Also, I don't think I have it in me to get someone's order wrong and deal with a hangry customer. I am so weak. 😭 The internship I did, the work was hard but a different type of hard. I am ready for that. Dealing with the public in a customer-facing role? God, no. God please please please (I beg you) never let me be in a situation like that. Also, I think my motivation for this job was to be busy and avoid my older sister (she's been really difficult lately). Guys I am tired so I will quickly just say my plan now is to become an artist and become super rich and yes. OK, but you know I always go on and on about his. **** it. I am going to start somewhere and see where it goes. I was talking to my friend just earlier and explaining that even if it doesn't go anywhere, I want to try. I think I have about a month until I start my full-time role, so why not. Yawn.

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Reply 10

Serene Dreams

^ Also this is definitely ADHD behaviour.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

“What are your career aspirations for working in this takeaway having done a law degree??” I choked– 💀. How did you not burst out laughing, I think I would have? They were trolling you but you trolled them right back by leaving early. And I’m sorry but unpaid trial shifts are the biggest load of trite, it’s slave labour. If they want your time they better goddamn pay you. It’s a cutthroat world out there and no time for these h0es ain’t loyal.

Reply 12

Serene Dreams

Original post by Anonymous

Please 😂😂 I was dying! I should have trolled him back and shared my passion for the hospitality industry. "I just want to serve food all day long and absorb the smell of spices into my pores 🫦".

Yes, exactly! Nothing disgusts me like employers being exploitative. So even though over text he mentioned the trial shift, I thought at least he would be present in the shop to do a relaxed interview. He wasn't. I wasn't about to waste my time for an employer that doesn't respect my time. I am fortunate that I do not need the money and that I am just a little greedy. But as you know now, I will be making millions soon selling the next Mona Lisa.

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Serene Dreams

Please 😂😂 I was dying! I should have trolled him back and shared my passion for the hospitality industry. "I just want to serve food all day long and absorb the smell of spices into my pores 🫦".
Yes, exactly! Nothing disgusts me like employers being exploitative. So even though over text he mentioned the trial shift, I thought at least he would be present in the shop to do a relaxed interview. He wasn't. I wasn't about to waste my time for an employer that doesn't respect my time. I am fortunate that I do not need the money and that I am just a little greedy. But as you know now, I will be making millions soon selling the next Mona Lisa.

A shame you didn’t, he might have been really impressedwith the troll tennis you were serving back at him andpaid you handsomely for the shift. Oh well, you know for next time I guess.

Look, nothing wrong with being greedy. It’s a necessity inthe south of England. Prices have inflated like MrDursley’s sister and so our financial and economic greedmust haughtily and seductively rise by the same amount.More in fact, otherwise how are we to make a profit inthis world and have banknotes to throw in the air whilewe’re jumping on a bed?? #TheThingsThatTrulyMatter

Oh good. You will then have enough coin to buy a wide-eyeingly and jaw-dropping my beautiful penthouse inLondon. I imagine a teary-eyed selfie by the front doorwhen you’re handed the keys. This is the life we must alllive, main character energy through the motherfcukingroof, no NPCs allowed.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

^ Crying at the editing glitches and autocorrect there.

Reply 15

Topbannana123

Original post by Serene Dreams

Please 😂😂 I was dying! I should have trolled him back and shared my passion for the hospitality industry. "I just want to serve food all day long and absorb the smell of spices into my pores 🫦".
Yes, exactly! Nothing disgusts me like employers being exploitative. So even though over text he mentioned the trial shift, I thought at least he would be present in the shop to do a relaxed interview. He wasn't. I wasn't about to waste my time for an employer that doesn't respect my time. I am fortunate that I do not need the money and that I am just a little greedy. But as you know now, I will be making millions soon selling the next Mona Lisa.

Lol I’m laughing my head off lol 🤣

Reply 16

Serene Dreams

Original post by Anonymous

A shame you didn’t, he might have been really impressedwith the troll tennis you were serving back at him andpaid you handsomely for the shift. Oh well, you know for next time I guess.
Look, nothing wrong with being greedy. It’s a necessity inthe south of England. Prices have inflated like MrDursley’s sister and so our financial and economic greedmust haughtily and seductively rise by the same amount.More in fact, otherwise how are we to make a profit inthis world and have banknotes to throw in the air whilewe’re jumping on a bed?? #TheThingsThatTrulyMatter
Oh good. You will then have enough coin to buy a wide-eyeingly and jaw-dropping my beautiful penthouse inLondon. I imagine a teary-eyed selfie by the front doorwhen you’re handed the keys. This is the life we must alllive, main character energy through the motherfcukingroof, no NPCs allowed.

Well, Sir Anonymous, life will present us with more opportunities to be trolls. Let's just make sure we take full advantage of them. Have you ever done retail/till/hospitality work by the way? I held down a sales job whilst at university and God the amount of pettiness and passive aggressive behaviour (mostly from other workers) is unbelievable. Customers also act so haughty. I am sorry you aren't shopping at Gucci my love. 😭 The most you will spend is a tenner.

Thank you! I think this is our era of being corporate slaves and being completely money hungry. In fact, my sexual preference is coins.

Yes. Yes. YES. No NPC energy or behaviour allowed around here. I am so glad we are on the same page.

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 17

Serene Dreams

Original post by Topbannana123

Lol I’m laughing my head off lol 🤣

😭😭😭😭

Reply 18

Serene Dreams

Original post by Anonymous

^ Crying at the editing glitches and autocorrect there.

Don't worry, didn't see a single thing. 🤐

Reply 19

Serene Dreams

Original post by Anonymous

A shame you didn’t, he might have been really impressedwith the troll tennis you were serving back at him andpaid you handsomely for the shift. Oh well, you know for next time I guess.
Look, nothing wrong with being greedy. It’s a necessity inthe south of England. Prices have inflated like MrDursley’s sister and so our financial and economic greedmust haughtily and seductively rise by the same amount.More in fact, otherwise how are we to make a profit inthis world and have banknotes to throw in the air whilewe’re jumping on a bed?? #TheThingsThatTrulyMatter
Oh good. You will then have enough coin to buy a wide-eyeingly and jaw-dropping my beautiful penthouse inLondon. I imagine a teary-eyed selfie by the front doorwhen you’re handed the keys. This is the life we must alllive, main character energy through the motherfcukingroof, no NPCs allowed.

Ughhh TSR is so awful now. I can't reply to multiple quotes in a single reply anymore and I can't edit your quote either. But, the teary-eyed imagery made me laugh so much lmao. Freaking fantastic. I think I may even consider living in Oxford for a few months if a good job opportunity becomes available. I feel like it would low-key be so lovely, the college grounds are stunning. Although by the time I get there summer would be over so wouldn't be quite the same. Oxford seems soooo peaceful.