Uni
So basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Reply 1
You can substitute choices on UCAS for 14 days after your application gets sent to UCAS.
Reply 2
If you want to convince her that you are responsible then you should start demonstrating that over the summer. Do more chores (for yourself and other people in your household) without being asked, make sure you have a bank account and ideally get a job to save some money, keep on top of your studies so you are prepared for the start of term, arrange travel and bookings to some open days (locally and a little further away).
Reply 3
Original post
by AnonymousSo basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Hello Anon,
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing at the moment. I completely agree with @PQ that demonstrating your capacity for independence, self-sufficiency and responsibility over the summer is a great place to start. I'd add to the list cooking for yourself/the family, offering to do the food shop and taking more responsibility for managing your money and budgeting - here's a page from Save the Student which is a fab place to start. Before I went to uni I set myself up with a bank account with the help of my parents, made a spreadsheet to track my income and outgoings, then any spare money I had I moved into a savings account for later.
However something else I feel might help both you and your parents here is communication. Have you had a proper, sit-down conversation about why she doesn't think you should live alone, and why you feel you would like the chance to? If you can both sit back and listen to each others points of view and the reasons behind them then that is sure to be a step in the right direction.
I hope that helps, best of luck
Holly
University of Bath
Reply 4
Original post
by AnonymousSo basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Hi there,
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Ultimately, if you depend on your parents support then, as mentioned in the previous comments, you should focus on demonstrating your maturity and independence and address their concerns to prove that you will be ok.
Perhaps you could negotiate to apply to 2 universities that you would need to move to and to visit an open day together to try to convince them.
Can I ask what you'd like to study?
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Reply 5
Original post
by AnonymousSo basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you are in this tough situation. It can be difficult when we disagree with our parents, especially over a decision as big as university.
As it has been said, I'd recommend trying to demonstrate that you can be more responsible and independent by taking up more responsibilities at home. Use the summer to take up more chores, do things without being asked to, organize your bank account (and find part-time work if you are able to), and show her that you are able to be more independent.
I think it would also be a good idea to do your research and find a handful of universities that you are interested in. Do all of your research, find out when open days are, and try to sit down and have a mature, civil conversation with her about these schools. Maybe suggest attending a few open days together? It doesn't mean anything is set in stone, but it will allow both of you to get a feel for what it might be like, and might make her more receptive to it.
It can be difficult, but I think sitting down and having a mature discussion about what you want, what she wants, and trying to find a compromise is the best option. Do your research and show it to her, suggest other options (like applying to three close-by and two further away), and really listen to what each other has to say.
Best of luck,
Isabella
Geography with a Year Abroad Student
Reply 6
Original post
by CardiffUni RepHi there,
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Ultimately, if you depend on your parents support then, as mentioned in the previous comments, you should focus on demonstrating your maturity and independence and address their concerns to prove that you will be ok.
Perhaps you could negotiate to apply to 2 universities that you would need to move to and to visit an open day together to try to convince them.
Can I ask what you'd like to study?
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. Ultimately, if you depend on your parents support then, as mentioned in the previous comments, you should focus on demonstrating your maturity and independence and address their concerns to prove that you will be ok.
Perhaps you could negotiate to apply to 2 universities that you would need to move to and to visit an open day together to try to convince them.
Can I ask what you'd like to study?
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Id like to study paramedic science.
Reply 7
Original post
by AnonymousSo basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Hi there,
This sounds like a tricky situation to be in so I understand why you might be feeling a bit frustrated.
As others have said, I think the best thing to do would be to keep talking to your parents about this and explain why you think it would benefit you to go to a university that is further away where you can live out and be more independent. Try and have a list of reasons why you think it would help you so that you can show them that you have thought about it properly and thoroughly.
Proving to them that you can be independent is also a good idea- it would be good to start cooking a bit more so that you can show you can do this, or cleaning and making sure you are keeping your things tidy. Little things like this will show your parents that you are ready to move out and you can be independent which should help them to understand that you would be okay living on your own.
Another good suggestion is to ask them to come to some open days with you so that they can see some of the universities for themselves. If you have a list of places you would want to go to in an ideal world and also some that are closer to home that your parents are happy with, you could ask them to consider going to some of the open days that you want to go to, as well as the ones they want to go to. If you go to some subject talks they might see that some of them are good places for the subject that you want to study which would encourage them to see why you might want to go there. Visiting the accommodation is a good idea too as it might enable them to picture you living there which could help them. They might just be worried about where you will be so allowing them to see it for themselves might help them with this!
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Reply 8
Original post
by AnonymousId like to study paramedic science.
There are so many great universities around the country where you can study this. I believe that talking to your parents about visiting a few might be a great first step!
All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Reply 9
Original post
by AnonymousSo basically I'm going to be applying to universities soon and I know you can only apply to 5, my mum is really strict and is adamant that I can't move out. The problem is I really want to move out and have the 'uni life' and also just to take responsibility and be more independent. My mums argument that I can't move out is because I'm not responsible enough but how can I ever become responsible if you don't let me become more independent. Also, for those who are going to say apply to a uni that's far in secret that won't work because she'll like triple check my applications before i even press submit. My older sister moved out to uni so whenever i bring that up she says she did medicine so it's a whole diff matter. Personally I don't think its fair.
Hi,
Sorry to hear that you are in this tough situation. I agree with the other respondents on this thread, I think the best way to approach this situation would be to try and demonstrate ways that you are becoming more responsible, this could be done through doing more things around the house and helping others as much as you can.
I also think that trying to take your families to any open days at your chosen universities would be another good approach as it will allow your family to get a feel for the area and may then feel more comfortable with you going away.
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
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