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Am I overthinking?

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said

" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"

In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

If she's grieving then I would not be trying to second guess her intentions from this message. She likely doesn't know herself what she might want in the future.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

If she's grieving then I would not be trying to second guess her intentions from this message. She likely doesn't know herself what she might want in the future.

Sorry I'm still confused. Are you saying just treat it like the break up is for good?

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry I'm still confused. Are you saying just treat it like the break up is for good?

I'm saying it's up to you how to treat it, because she herself likely doesn't know where her head is going to be however many months down the line.

That said, generally speaking it is not a good idea to put your life on hold and wait indefinitely.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

I'm saying it's up to you how to treat it, because she herself likely doesn't know where her head is going to be however many months down the line.
That said, generally speaking it is not a good idea to put your life on hold and wait indefinitely.

She's asked for space. How long do you reckon I should wait before beginning to interact again?

Reply 5

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said
" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"
In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

Sorry for both of your situations, but someone in a solid relationship doesn't break up with their partner because of the death of a close family member. I'd expect to see it the other way round and they'd want the support, unless the partner was demanding/clingy/the helpless type who couldn't cope on their own for a while (just examples).

Don't have to answer, but how were things before this; were there issues, is she using this as a catalyst to initiate the split? It sounds pretty final to me; I would send a sympathy card, suitably worded that offers tacit support, and leave her be on the relationship front. Just treat her as a friend in need and send the occasional message.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

Sorry for both of your situations, but someone in a solid relationship doesn't break up with their partner because of the death of a close family member. I'd expect to see it the other way round and they'd want the support, unless the partner was demanding/clingy/the helpless type who couldn't cope on their own for a while (just examples).
Don't have to answer, but how were things before this; were there issues, is she using this as a catalyst to initiate the split? It sounds pretty final to me; I would send a sympathy card, suitably worded that offers tacit support, and leave her be on the relationship front. Just treat her as a friend in need and send the occasional message.

Everything was great before. We went on 2 dates 4 days before and were intimate afterwards. I'm not sure if ahe was thinking of ending it before but I probably came across as clingy as I messaged her a lot and didn't give her space

Reply 7

JDINCINERATOR

Original post by Anonymous

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said
" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"
In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

Honestly I feel like if you're in a relationship with her, then she should be leaning on you for support right? I know that perhaps she wants to be her usual self and not grief-stricken, but it seems to me that you're on the outside of her emotional and personal bubble-which is not a good thing.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said
" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"
In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

Personally I would send her a SHORT text/message and say that you are sorry to hear of her loss etc and that you are "here for you to talk to if you would like to" or similar. And leave it open for her. Dont ramble on,make short and to the point.

Reply 9

Hina yaqoob

Original post by Anonymous

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said
" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"
In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation. From what you've shared, her statement does suggest that her focus is currently on dealing with her grief and personal challenges. Phrases like "for the time being" and "at the moment" indicate that her decision is based on her current emotional state and circumstances. This leaves open the possibility that she might reconsider the breakup once she has had time to process her feelings and her situation.

However, it's important to respect her need for space and to focus on her well-being right now. Trying to hold on to the hope that she will come back might make it harder for you to cope with the breakup in the short term. It's often helpful to focus on your own well-being and give her the time she needs. If things change in the future, you'll both be in a better place to reconnect.

Reply 10

Rakas21

Original post by Anonymous

Just broke up with my girlfriend because her mum died and she was overwhelmed emotionally and said she had to focus on herself for the time being. In the breakup text she said
" in my eyes at the moment we are broken up, I don't want to be unfair to you while I sort myself out and deal with everything"
In my mind the face she said for the time being and for the moment means she might rethink the break up later on or am I clutching at straws here?

1) Don't ever permit a break for any circumstances. She may well find comfort with another man. Accept your done or fight but don't allow anybody to leave you in limbo.

2) When women make emotional decisions, men should not always bow to these.

She likely deep down wants you to be the man that comforts her and defend your relationship rather than allowing her to run when feeling stress.