my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 years now. naturally in the beginning our sex life was very fulfilling and honestly amazing but for the good part of the last year we have been going through a weird phase were I keep ending up being the one who initiates any sexual act and most of the time I get rejected by her followed by a very defensive attitude, as if I should be ashamed for asking for this much sex. (rn I have been on a trip for 3 weeks but normally our frequency is about once 3,4times per month at best) it has been getting even more confusing lately since I have already tried having productive conversationS about it many times and every time no matter how calm and gentle I try to be with communicating my frustration, I end up having to sit through her being extremely defensive about it again as she keeps saying that she has explained everything already.
now her explanation for our situation in the beginning started off as she doesn't know why either. later on in other conversations it was revealed that it's the side effect of having had too much arguments with each other. when the problem kept existing even after going through peaceful periods, then in other conversations she said that it is because of how she feels about herself and also possibly the amount of time that we spend with each other. but everytime she keeps insisting that she loves me and it's not a problem of how our sex is and that she is still attracted to me.
my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman that I know and I always try my best to make her feel this way as well. and regarding the space I have gave her, even forced her at times to spend time alone, but now after 3 weeks being apart and feeling the same kind of shame after trying to initiate some kind of way to be sexual and intimate by her being defensive and ****ed about me asking her to for example send me nudes, I feel triggered again and afraid that even this much distance hasn't had any positive impact on our situation. her excuse this time: being tired because of work.
I really love this girl and trust her and I want to make it work and so does she, but I'm really running out of ideas on how to act or what to do anymore. I've tried spicing it up even more than now with introducing toys and other stuff into our sex life but we have used them only once in the last 6months. how long is too long for a dry spell? am I crazy for keep thinking that she might not be attracted to me anymore since she says she does masturbate when she's alone? I keep feeling like a fool firstly because I'm always the one who initiates everything (both sexual acts and also conversations to work through stuff) and on the other hand because of most of the time feeling rejected.
break up is not an option as I deeply love this girl and I understand she's feeling guilty about it every time she hears me saying it and that this whole situation is bothering her as well but I have needs too and I have never initiated anything in the last 6 months without this fear of her ending up reacting in anger to what I tell her and being defensive basically.
Idk what I'm expecting to get out of posting this here but I just really need help or some advice.