The Student Room Group

Hopeless at dating

I don’t know where to start I just always say the wrong things to girls on dating apps, I’ve had hundreds of matches at one point on hinge I had 103 hidden conversations which goes to show that I can’t get a date.

I’ve nearly got 2/3 dates through texting but it never happens. It’s comical at this point, you’d think I’d know what to say by now. I’m 21 and never had a gf, I’ve had luck in night clubs for one night stands but apart from that I never have anything meaningful or long term.

I’m quite an introverted and nervous person so find it really hard to know what to say. Friends have told me not to worry bc it’ll happen when it happens but being 21 it scares me I’ll never have anything serious.

It’s also becoming embarrassing for family occasions, no plus ones for weddings or birthdays- I feel like a loser when family ask if I’m seeing anyone and I always lie n say I’m not looking for anything serious rn. But deep down I long for a gf.

All of my friends are single currently but at some point they’ve had partners.

What should I do? I sometimes think I should stop looking for a gf but I think that’s my personality

Thanks
Do you have professional looking photos on your profile? Or are they amateur looking / selfie photos?

The text on your profile, is it boring or the same as just about every other guy? Or does it stand out? Is it good at attracting the sort of woman you want whilst being unattractive to the sort of woman you don't want?

Your initial messages may be OK. How do you develop things from there? What sort of messages do you send?
Do you send the sort of messages your grandmother would send?
When you get a good a reaction from her, do you start a soft close sequence on them? By responding with something like "How do you feel about drinks and witty banter with cute boys?"

In real life, outside of the internet, do you break the ice with women you're attracted to?
Do you understand the fundamentals of how to come over as an attractive guy?

Weddings are great events for meeting people. Going to them as a single bloke is fine.

Do you take yourself and your life too seriously?
Do you get too trapped in your head when you're in social situations?

Do you genuinely love women? Or are you a misogynist?
Reply 2
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Do you have professional looking photos on your profile? Or are they amateur looking / selfie photos?
The text on your profile, is it boring or the same as just about every other guy? Or does it stand out? Is it good at attracting the sort of woman you want whilst being unattractive to the sort of woman you don't want?
Your initial messages may be OK. How do you develop things from there? What sort of messages do you send?
Do you send the sort of messages your grandmother would send?
When you get a good a reaction from her, do you start a soft close sequence on them? By responding with something like "How do you feel about drinks and witty banter with cute boys?"
In real life, outside of the internet, do you break the ice with women you're attracted to?
Do you understand the fundamentals of how to come over as an attractive guy?
Weddings are great events for meeting people. Going to them as a single bloke is fine.
Do you take yourself and your life too seriously?
Do you get too trapped in your head when you're in social situations?
Do you genuinely love women? Or are you a misogynist?

I have selfies but they’re pretty good ones, my friends have told me what photos to put and say my first one in particular is the best and it does get me the most likes. I have one group photo with my friends at the end of my profile.

I have okay prompts but I guess they could be better, I don’t wanna come off too desperate with lots of text.

I don’t really flirt irl or online it feels so fake and out of character, I talk to them like friends bc I don’t like to seem creepy or come on too strong. I do flirt enough to show interest but I don’t persistently flirt, I like to ask questions about them. Friends have said I don’t seem interested in them, a friend of a friend of mine thought I didn’t like her at all but I had a crush on her when she liked me too. For me I just don’t like the whole weird acting way of dating- like pretending to be someone I’m not. I probably do take myself too seriously but I always have and not in an obnoxious way, I’m just pretty intense ig.

I definitely get too caught up in my own head in any social situation, with new friends or dating.

Not a misogynist, I like women and admire them I just don’t know how to communicate with ones I’m attracted to. I have two sisters who I get on well with and I’m close with my mum so I think they don’t understand why I struggle. It’s like this thing in my head goes “oh she’s hot, how tf do I talk to her”
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know where to start I just always say the wrong things to girls on dating apps, I’ve had hundreds of matches at one point on hinge I had 103 hidden conversations which goes to show that I can’t get a date.
I’ve nearly got 2/3 dates through texting but it never happens. It’s comical at this point, you’d think I’d know what to say by now. I’m 21 and never had a gf, I’ve had luck in night clubs for one night stands but apart from that I never have anything meaningful or long term.
I’m quite an introverted and nervous person so find it really hard to know what to say. Friends have told me not to worry bc it’ll happen when it happens but being 21 it scares me I’ll never have anything serious.
It’s also becoming embarrassing for family occasions, no plus ones for weddings or birthdays- I feel like a loser when family ask if I’m seeing anyone and I always lie n say I’m not looking for anything serious rn. But deep down I long for a gf.
All of my friends are single currently but at some point they’ve had partners.
What should I do? I sometimes think I should stop looking for a gf but I think that’s my personality
Thanks

If you can pull on a night out, you can pull. It's 100% the fact you're shy, stop being scared and start approaching in real life, but only when the circumstances are good, for instance in a social situation with mutual friends if you like one of the girls there. To improve your confidence just force yourself to have more conversations, even if it's a simple hello at work or school etc. Stop being scared lil bro.
It sounds like you've got a good product in that you're a genuine, non-misogynistic guy and that it's just a few tweaks here and there that will get you over the line.

There's books and youtube channels you could read and watch that will help point you in the right direction.

Pretty good selfies are not good enough. Get professional looking photos. It's down to the composition, lighting, capturing you in a good position with a photogenic expression on your face. Photos taken with you walking towards the camera are the sort that a professional photographer would take.

Your set of photos is only as good as your least good looking one. Discard your least flattering photo.
For the group photo include it only if it's clear which person is you and if it looks natural and is eye-catching and if it sends out a good message to your target audience.

Do you know what sort of woman you're looking for? Can you describe in detail the sort of woman you're looking for? How well does your profile and strategy work at targeting that sort of woman whilst discarding the rest?

It's better to make statements and observations than to ask questions. EG "You seem like an adventurous girl, although I'm sensing you might be trouble" is better than asking "Are you adventurous?"
Avoid job interview type conversations.

Be more flexible about your intensity. Be serious at work and studies. Be light-hearted when socialising. Aim to practise and get good at flirting and teasing and being hilariously funny.

Sometimes when you really want something, you have to change and develop as a person in order to get it.
So that it doesn't cut the mustard for you to say you don't flirt because it feels fake and out of character.
Reply 5
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
It sounds like you've got a good product in that you're a genuine, non-misogynistic guy and that it's just a few tweaks here and there that will get you over the line.
There's books and youtube channels you could read and watch that will help point you in the right direction.
Pretty good selfies are not good enough. Get professional looking photos. It's down to the composition, lighting, capturing you in a good position with a photogenic expression on your face. Photos taken with you walking towards the camera are the sort that a professional photographer would take.
Your set of photos is only as good as your least good looking one. Discard your least flattering photo.
For the group photo include it only if it's clear which person is you and if it looks natural and is eye-catching and if it sends out a good message to your target audience.
Do you know what sort of woman you're looking for? Can you describe in detail the sort of woman you're looking for? How well does your profile and strategy work at targeting that sort of woman whilst discarding the rest?
It's better to make statements and observations than to ask questions. EG "You seem like an adventurous girl, although I'm sensing you might be trouble" is better than asking "Are you adventurous?"
Avoid job interview type conversations.
Be more flexible about your intensity. Be serious at work and studies. Be light-hearted when socialising. Aim to practise and get good at flirting and teasing and being hilariously funny.
Sometimes when you really want something, you have to change and develop as a person in order to get it.
So that it doesn't cut the mustard for you to say you don't flirt because it feels fake and out of character.

Yeah my photos do need updating tbh, one of them is 2 years old. I look the same but could do w something newer.

I’m looking for someone that is more serious and creative but they’re pretty hard to find. I tend to attract younger women that just want hookups. I’m not bragging but they always seem to be out of my league and I would like to date someone of the same league. I basically would like to date someone on the same wavelength that wants the same things like a creative career.
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know where to start I just always say the wrong things to girls on dating apps, I’ve had hundreds of matches at one point on hinge I had 103 hidden conversations which goes to show that I can’t get a date.
I’ve nearly got 2/3 dates through texting but it never happens. It’s comical at this point, you’d think I’d know what to say by now. I’m 21 and never had a gf, I’ve had luck in night clubs for one night stands but apart from that I never have anything meaningful or long term.
I’m quite an introverted and nervous person so find it really hard to know what to say. Friends have told me not to worry bc it’ll happen when it happens but being 21 it scares me I’ll never have anything serious.
It’s also becoming embarrassing for family occasions, no plus ones for weddings or birthdays- I feel like a loser when family ask if I’m seeing anyone and I always lie n say I’m not looking for anything serious rn. But deep down I long for a gf.
All of my friends are single currently but at some point they’ve had partners.
What should I do? I sometimes think I should stop looking for a gf but I think that’s my personality
Thanks

Stop using dating apps! You can just make an interesting instagram page which good pictures and videos to show your funny or fit. Girls will message you and these girls will be 10x better than tinder girls.
This is coming from a straight girl!

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