Nothing in common with people my age
I don't seem to have much in common with people my age.
I don't use much social media or drink and whenever I try to make friends I always end up feeling either left out or lacking in companionship which makes me feel lonely.
Any tips for strengthening and developing bonds with people?
Are there other people who perhaps don't live their life on social media like I do?
I don't use much social media or drink and whenever I try to make friends I always end up feeling either left out or lacking in companionship which makes me feel lonely.
Any tips for strengthening and developing bonds with people?
Are there other people who perhaps don't live their life on social media like I do?
Not everyone is a social butterfly, not everyone needs to be surrounded by hundreds of acquaintances. If you have one or two good friends on whom you can count that’s already a great base. Real friends can normally be counted on the fingers of one hand. The others are just people passing through your life who might make the present more fun but are only temporary distractions.
I suggest that you stop worrying about what others do and concentrate on what makes you happy. Social media can help in finding like minded people if you have a centre of interest in particular whether that be a sport, a craft,or a historical subject and it can help you get to know those people in an anonymous fashion before having to take the plunge and actually meet them. But you shouldn’t feel unusual or abnormal for not liking the type of social media that spends its time spreading gossip or taking photographs of the content of your plate, and neither should you worry about not liking alcohol and the loss of control that some others seem to enjoy when they have overindulged. Your health will be all the better for it.
Rather than worrying about not being like others, sit down and have a good think about what would make you happy and the level of social contact that would enable you to reach that goal. There are plenty of people like you who have got involved in voluntary work in animal shelters, hospices, community centres. Have a think. There must be something that you’re good at and that you can share with others, or alternatively something that you would like to learn but have never dared to try whether it be knitting, chess or gardening. Social media will help you find a group at your level when you are ready.
I suggest that you stop worrying about what others do and concentrate on what makes you happy. Social media can help in finding like minded people if you have a centre of interest in particular whether that be a sport, a craft,or a historical subject and it can help you get to know those people in an anonymous fashion before having to take the plunge and actually meet them. But you shouldn’t feel unusual or abnormal for not liking the type of social media that spends its time spreading gossip or taking photographs of the content of your plate, and neither should you worry about not liking alcohol and the loss of control that some others seem to enjoy when they have overindulged. Your health will be all the better for it.
Rather than worrying about not being like others, sit down and have a good think about what would make you happy and the level of social contact that would enable you to reach that goal. There are plenty of people like you who have got involved in voluntary work in animal shelters, hospices, community centres. Have a think. There must be something that you’re good at and that you can share with others, or alternatively something that you would like to learn but have never dared to try whether it be knitting, chess or gardening. Social media will help you find a group at your level when you are ready.
Aye it's pretty common. It's also extremely common to lose "friends" over the years, especially after finishing school, college, Uni, etc. But it doesn't mean you can't find new acquaintances and potentially turn them into friends.
I'd also like to comment that please don't feel obliged to go out drinking to maintain "relationship" with others. This is no friendship, people simply get drunk together. Once you take away the alcohol element from their "relationship" the whole "bond" breaks up instantly. So please don't feel you need to do that.
Things that can help develop bonds with others:
- Find like-minded offline groups, communities, clubs that align with your interests. this could be sports teams (I found them to be the best to build good and genuine bonds, but each to their own), hobby groups, books clubs, etc., etc. I remember at Uni we have so many clubs I had hard time deciding which one to go.
I've been a part of a cinema club, bouldering club, there was a D&D one too which I regret to this day I never managed to find time to join.
- Quality over quantity. Rather than having lots of superficial friends, I'd definitely choose to have 1 genuine friend over 100 so called "friends"
- Be genuine. I like this quote from Jordan Peterson: "If you don't manifest yourself int he way you are, then there is no way that a path that's proper for you will reveal itself".
- Practice active listening and show genuine interest in others when talking to them. People appreciate being heard and valued. This one is such a rare thing that just being a great listener (giving the person time to talk about what they are passionate about, asking the right questions, genuinely being interested in what's going on in their lives) will make the others want to see you more often in their lives. Ask me something I'm passionate about and see me moving all my priorities out just to meet you and have a chat again.
- Plan things yourself. Don't wait for others to reach out and invite you over for XYZ. Take the initiative.
- Stay positive and patient. It takes a lot of time to build an actual strong bond, years sometimes, so accept to take it slow.
All the best
I'd also like to comment that please don't feel obliged to go out drinking to maintain "relationship" with others. This is no friendship, people simply get drunk together. Once you take away the alcohol element from their "relationship" the whole "bond" breaks up instantly. So please don't feel you need to do that.
Things that can help develop bonds with others:
- Find like-minded offline groups, communities, clubs that align with your interests. this could be sports teams (I found them to be the best to build good and genuine bonds, but each to their own), hobby groups, books clubs, etc., etc. I remember at Uni we have so many clubs I had hard time deciding which one to go.
I've been a part of a cinema club, bouldering club, there was a D&D one too which I regret to this day I never managed to find time to join.
- Quality over quantity. Rather than having lots of superficial friends, I'd definitely choose to have 1 genuine friend over 100 so called "friends"
- Be genuine. I like this quote from Jordan Peterson: "If you don't manifest yourself int he way you are, then there is no way that a path that's proper for you will reveal itself".
- Practice active listening and show genuine interest in others when talking to them. People appreciate being heard and valued. This one is such a rare thing that just being a great listener (giving the person time to talk about what they are passionate about, asking the right questions, genuinely being interested in what's going on in their lives) will make the others want to see you more often in their lives. Ask me something I'm passionate about and see me moving all my priorities out just to meet you and have a chat again.
- Plan things yourself. Don't wait for others to reach out and invite you over for XYZ. Take the initiative.
- Stay positive and patient. It takes a lot of time to build an actual strong bond, years sometimes, so accept to take it slow.
All the best
Original post by ThatguyAl
Aye it's pretty common. It's also extremely common to lose "friends" over the years, especially after finishing school, college, Uni, etc. But it doesn't mean you can't find new acquaintances and potentially turn them into friends.
I'd also like to comment that please don't feel obliged to go out drinking to maintain "relationship" with others. This is no friendship, people simply get drunk together. Once you take away the alcohol element from their "relationship" the whole "bond" breaks up instantly. So please don't feel you need to do that.
Things that can help develop bonds with others:
- Find like-minded offline groups, communities, clubs that align with your interests. this could be sports teams (I found them to be the best to build good and genuine bonds, but each to their own), hobby groups, books clubs, etc., etc. I remember at Uni we have so many clubs I had hard time deciding which one to go.
I've been a part of a cinema club, bouldering club, there was a D&D one too which I regret to this day I never managed to find time to join.
- Quality over quantity. Rather than having lots of superficial friends, I'd definitely choose to have 1 genuine friend over 100 so called "friends"
- Be genuine. I like this quote from Jordan Peterson: "If you don't manifest yourself int he way you are, then there is no way that a path that's proper for you will reveal itself".
- Practice active listening and show genuine interest in others when talking to them. People appreciate being heard and valued. This one is such a rare thing that just being a great listener (giving the person time to talk about what they are passionate about, asking the right questions, genuinely being interested in what's going on in their lives) will make the others want to see you more often in their lives. Ask me something I'm passionate about and see me moving all my priorities out just to meet you and have a chat again.
- Plan things yourself. Don't wait for others to reach out and invite you over for XYZ. Take the initiative.
- Stay positive and patient. It takes a lot of time to build an actual strong bond, years sometimes, so accept to take it slow.
All the best
I'd also like to comment that please don't feel obliged to go out drinking to maintain "relationship" with others. This is no friendship, people simply get drunk together. Once you take away the alcohol element from their "relationship" the whole "bond" breaks up instantly. So please don't feel you need to do that.
Things that can help develop bonds with others:
- Find like-minded offline groups, communities, clubs that align with your interests. this could be sports teams (I found them to be the best to build good and genuine bonds, but each to their own), hobby groups, books clubs, etc., etc. I remember at Uni we have so many clubs I had hard time deciding which one to go.
I've been a part of a cinema club, bouldering club, there was a D&D one too which I regret to this day I never managed to find time to join.
- Quality over quantity. Rather than having lots of superficial friends, I'd definitely choose to have 1 genuine friend over 100 so called "friends"
- Be genuine. I like this quote from Jordan Peterson: "If you don't manifest yourself int he way you are, then there is no way that a path that's proper for you will reveal itself".
- Practice active listening and show genuine interest in others when talking to them. People appreciate being heard and valued. This one is such a rare thing that just being a great listener (giving the person time to talk about what they are passionate about, asking the right questions, genuinely being interested in what's going on in their lives) will make the others want to see you more often in their lives. Ask me something I'm passionate about and see me moving all my priorities out just to meet you and have a chat again.
- Plan things yourself. Don't wait for others to reach out and invite you over for XYZ. Take the initiative.
- Stay positive and patient. It takes a lot of time to build an actual strong bond, years sometimes, so accept to take it slow.
All the best
Thank you for your advice. This is really useful to me 🙂
i feel the same. but recently i have set up a tiktok account about my favourite bands which has allowed me to meet new likeminded people! i would recommend that. if tiktok is too big of a social media platform, i would also recommend maybe trying instagram ORRR making a blog! you could also see if there's any youth groups in your area, or when school starts up, any after-school clubs. it's hard, but things will get better. your "people" will find you.
Original post by UOM2024
I don't seem to have much in common with people my age.
I don't use much social media or drink and whenever I try to make friends I always end up feeling either left out or lacking in companionship which makes me feel lonely.
Any tips for strengthening and developing bonds with people?
Are there other people who perhaps don't live their life on social media like I do?
I don't use much social media or drink and whenever I try to make friends I always end up feeling either left out or lacking in companionship which makes me feel lonely.
Any tips for strengthening and developing bonds with people?
Are there other people who perhaps don't live their life on social media like I do?
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