I have fallen for someone I shouldn't have, what should I do?

In 2023 we had a new technician come and join our department, she has to teach three hours a week and is classed as associate lecturer. The day I first met her, I had instantly fallen for her. I thought it was one of those stupid teacher/lecturer crushes that we all get that would go away in a few weeks but it hasn't. Since the day I met her, I think about her 247, I even dream about her in my sleep. We have a good professional relationship. I have realised this isn't a crush, I know I have fallen for her. I know for a fact she's "the one" for me, I can't explain it but it's instinct, she ticks all my boxes and she's the type of woman I want to marry and have been waiting for.

The university policy around students and staff dating is really strict, I do want to ask her out, but I'm waiting for after university. I also know, there's a chance if I were to ask her out after university, she may say no, it will hurt but I have to accept her saying no, all I want is for her to happy, it will hurt to see her happy with someone else and not me.

Whilst it is summer break now, I have been struggling to focus on everything due to constantly thinking about her 247, I'm usually a straight A student, however my grades slipped in semester two, I got an overall of 2.5GPA.I can't concerntrate on my studying, even summer studying is a challenge, I go to gym but struggle to concerntrate on exercise as I can't really think about anything other than her.

I am now struggling, I have fallen for someone I shouldn't have. During this summer break, I have thought about and did research on transferring univerisities across the UK. I'm struggling with keeping these emotions and feelings to myself, part of me wanted to transfer university so I could try to forget about her and potentially avoid having my heart broken. I recently saw her and I almost told her how I feel but chickened out last minute. I have no idea what to do, this feeling of being in love with her is getting to me.

Reply 1

NeoIan

To me its not an issue, in a nice and not wierd way make conversation and simply tell her over coffee that you like her.
There are rules yes and you will have to stick to the rules for now, but if she is the one it would be silly to let the oportunity go as you will both be in other places in a few years time I suspect.
It may be she doesnt like you for whatever reason, and thats fine too, accept it as it is, but dont see it as your heart being broken, you can still appreciate her and like her and you might even be freind.
The yogi's would say attatch to nothing, as everything is like clouds - i made that up actually, but its true dont get attached, you may be the best looking and most awesome guy in the world but she might not feel the same or be taken etc.
Finally enjoy the moment, its nice to be in love, be in love for her, shes nice - tell her she is - whatever her feelings for you it will make her feel lovely to know someone appreciates her anyway :smile:

. Good luck !

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

In 2023 we had a new technician come and join our department, she has to teach three hours a week and is classed as associate lecturer. The day I first met her, I had instantly fallen for her. I thought it was one of those stupid teacher/lecturer crushes that we all get that would go away in a few weeks but it hasn't. Since the day I met her, I think about her 247, I even dream about her in my sleep. We have a good professional relationship. I have realised this isn't a crush, I know I have fallen for her. I know for a fact she's "the one" for me, I can't explain it but it's instinct, she ticks all my boxes and she's the type of woman I want to marry and have been waiting for.
The university policy around students and staff dating is really strict, I do want to ask her out, but I'm waiting for after university. I also know, there's a chance if I were to ask her out after university, she may say no, it will hurt but I have to accept her saying no, all I want is for her to happy, it will hurt to see her happy with someone else and not me.
Whilst it is summer break now, I have been struggling to focus on everything due to constantly thinking about her 247, I'm usually a straight A student, however my grades slipped in semester two, I got an overall of 2.5GPA.I can't concerntrate on my studying, even summer studying is a challenge, I go to gym but struggle to concerntrate on exercise as I can't really think about anything other than her.
I am now struggling, I have fallen for someone I shouldn't have. During this summer break, I have thought about and did research on transferring univerisities across the UK. I'm struggling with keeping these emotions and feelings to myself, part of me wanted to transfer university so I could try to forget about her and potentially avoid having my heart broken. I recently saw her and I almost told her how I feel but chickened out last minute. I have no idea what to do, this feeling of being in love with her is getting to me.

Sounds a bit obsessive mate, worst thing you can do is put someone on a pedestal. The one? Seriously mate, that sort of knowledge about someone comes from years of shared experience. By all means tell her you’re attracted to her when there is no ethical boundaries, but right now you seem too invested.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

As someone who has dated many girls, don't tell whatever you do tell her how you feel, she won't like it. If you want to weird her out that's the way to go. So many guys make the mistake of telling their crush how they feel but it is the worst way to start a relationship. It either creeps a girl out or suffocates them and makes them embarassed or scared and kills the romance. Besides she will almost certainly know you like her, women nearly always know, they have a sixth sense for this that men don't have.
Wait till term starts again and see what the vibe is like, has she been eyeing you up at all, has she been encouraging this at all? I would guess that yes, at some level she has encouraged this, because if she had been cold or completely ignored you it is likely that you wouldn't feel this way. If she shows interest in you in September then of course you have to ask her on a date but you're going to have to chill out and take it easy, don't whatever you do get all serious and emotional on her too soon and if she says no just act like it's no big deal, because girls often change their mind if you do that. If you get all upset they don't though.