The Student Room Group

scared of the future

I finished high school this year and I guess I always thought high school would last forever because now the reality of change has hit me and uni seems so unstructured (compared to school) and scary, I feel like I don't want to do anything anymore and I don't want to grow up
Reply 1
Hi,
I resonate with this completely, and as scary as the independence is, it's important to understand that humans require uncomfortable situations to grow. We need to grow so we can become well-rounded and well-equipped. It's a step in the dark, but there's a lit path, and you won't be completely out of guidance and support. You always have this site to ask questions to, and you'll undoubtedly develop a support circle.
You have to grow so you can shine. It's unproductive to dwell on the passing of time, because it's passing anyway whether you like it or not. Accepting the fact and being prepared to move with the flow is what'll get you comfortable again, and then you won't be so scared.
Have a plan, have faith, have hope.

You're a star, the future is yours, make your life meaningful. It's your one and only shot :smile:

Always here if you want to talk
Perhaps you explore the steps you can take to get back some of that structure? Now you obviously wont be able to replicate it perfectly but i think the little steps would still be of some use.

Joining different societies, new friends groups and what not. I don’t think you should put off uni being too unstructured this soon as theres a lot to enjoy as long as one can notice it.
Reply 3
thank you so much. I agree it's so unproductive but I've been at home for like 4 months straight I have 1 friend and I don't go anywhere I'm just stuck with my thoughts and it's horrible. I'm scared I've made the wrong choice for uni because I've thought about changing courses multiple times (to very different ones at that) and I feel like my degree won't get me a good job and I'll have wasted 4 years
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
thank you so much. I agree it's so unproductive but I've been at home for like 4 months straight I have 1 friend and I don't go anywhere I'm just stuck with my thoughts and it's horrible. I'm scared I've made the wrong choice for uni because I've thought about changing courses multiple times (to very different ones at that) and I feel like my degree won't get me a good job and I'll have wasted 4 years

I see you and I feel for you.
One good friend outweighs a dozen bad friends. People come and go, and that's okay. They weren't meant to be in your life. Everyone has people filters, the best people for you will stay, and those who, in the long term, aren't going to be supportive or beneficial will be filtered out. No one is alone in this world, for some it just takes longer to be placed in with the people they need.
Thoughts can be horrible, but it's important to address your schemas, because it's not natural or healthy to think in the destructive way a lot of us do. Granted, it's not easy, but small steps every day are what'll reform you in the coming months. We grow, we learn, we strive to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Your situation, in your eyes, may not be ideal, but maybe some time being more isolated will call for you to take a step back and evaluate all that's around you. The people, the environment, the prospects. And then, you can work on that.
You cannot self sabotage anymore, you're done with that! You have to do everything for your best interests. You feel your emotions, you hear your thoughts. Address them.
As for university, I know. The pressure of going, and the pressure of everyone around you wanting to know what your outcome is can be tiring. But, if you have any doubt, draw up your options immediately. Can you transfer to a different course? Is this course going to offer something for you in the future? Do you even enjoy this course and its prospects? Does it provide optimism for what your future can be like?
If the answer to some of those questions is no, maybe consider a year out. You do not, of all things, want to put yourself in tens of thousands of pounds in debt because you felt you had to go to university. Work, build some skills on online courses, make yourself an appealing prospective student/employee. You have to make your life valuable, make your time worth money, and make yourself happy.
No more doom spiralling. No more pessimism.
Map out your life path with your current plan, and simply think. It's up to you.
It's your life. Decide.
Always here :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by eriksks
I see you and I feel for you.
One good friend outweighs a dozen bad friends. People come and go, and that's okay. They weren't meant to be in your life. Everyone has people filters, the best people for you will stay, and those who, in the long term, aren't going to be supportive or beneficial will be filtered out. No one is alone in this world, for some it just takes longer to be placed in with the people they need.
Thoughts can be horrible, but it's important to address your schemas, because it's not natural or healthy to think in the destructive way a lot of us do. Granted, it's not easy, but small steps every day are what'll reform you in the coming months. We grow, we learn, we strive to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Your situation, in your eyes, may not be ideal, but maybe some time being more isolated will call for you to take a step back and evaluate all that's around you. The people, the environment, the prospects. And then, you can work on that.
You cannot self sabotage anymore, you're done with that! You have to do everything for your best interests. You feel your emotions, you hear your thoughts. Address them.
As for university, I know. The pressure of going, and the pressure of everyone around you wanting to know what your outcome is can be tiring. But, if you have any doubt, draw up your options immediately. Can you transfer to a different course? Is this course going to offer something for you in the future? Do you even enjoy this course and its prospects? Does it provide optimism for what your future can be like?
If the answer to some of those questions is no, maybe consider a year out. You do not, of all things, want to put yourself in tens of thousands of pounds in debt because you felt you had to go to university. Work, build some skills on online courses, make yourself an appealing prospective student/employee. You have to make your life valuable, make your time worth money, and make yourself happy.
No more doom spiralling. No more pessimism.
Map out your life path with your current plan, and simply think. It's up to you.
It's your life. Decide.
Always here :smile:

Thank you so much again! I chose the current uni I'm going to because I can live at home + it's a good uni, but it doesn't have the accreditation for me to work in the job I want right after studying. whereas a uni I turned down has accreditation but I turned it down because then I'd have to move (the commute would be so tiring) and I really didn't want to leave my family and cats. I've seen people say that this kind of degree is practically useless for the job I want and it would be expensive to do the additional studying needed (even though I think it may be less than accommodation would cost but idk as noone has given specific numbers) and it's making me more stressed but I really do like my subject I'm just worried I guess. + I live in scotland and am scottish so my first degree is on thr government so I don't have to worry about costs for that thankfully. I'll do what you recommended to do and write up some goals and a map, it's a really good idea! I guess I'm just so overwhelmed with everything my brain died, thank you so much again!
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you so much again! I chose the current uni I'm going to because I can live at home + it's a good uni, but it doesn't have the accreditation for me to work in the job I want right after studying. whereas a uni I turned down has accreditation but I turned it down because then I'd have to move (the commute would be so tiring) and I really didn't want to leave my family and cats. I've seen people say that this kind of degree is practically useless for the job I want and it would be expensive to do the additional studying needed (even though I think it may be less than accommodation would cost but idk as noone has given specific numbers) and it's making me more stressed but I really do like my subject I'm just worried I guess. + I live in scotland and am scottish so my first degree is on thr government so I don't have to worry about costs for that thankfully. I'll do what you recommended to do and write up some goals and a map, it's a really good idea! I guess I'm just so overwhelmed with everything my brain died, thank you so much again!


Of course, I’m happy to listen and advise where possible whenever. It’s a scary time, and it’s important we’re all there for each other. You can never rush your future, it’s super important to make decisions that’ll benefit you in the long run even if they ‘set’ you back by a year now.
Let me know how it goes!

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