Argument with gf over looks vs personality debate
I was sat with my girlfriend watching a reality dating show and how the nice guy wasn’t getting the girl he wanted but the f*ck boys were so I made a comment about people’s dating preference as the nice guy simply wasn’t good looking, this is how the convo went:
Me: “As cruel as it sounds, looks are more important to women than a guy’s personality during the initial dating phase, I would say for a women choosing a man it’s 90% about looks and 10% their personality.. for the initial date”
Her: “wtf that’s not true, men find looks more important than women and women care more about personality, looks are not important for women”
Me: “well all the facts show the majority of women care more about looks than a man, e.g. most women will choose a guy who is tall vs a short guy, has good hair vs a bald guy, has a good body vs fat.. whereas a normal guy would fall in love with the average looking mcdonalds worker just cause they were nice to him..”
Her: “that’s not true”
Me: “well if an ugly guy who had an amazing personality came up to you on the street asking for your number vs a good looking guy who had a horrible personality.. you would reject the ugly guy and give the good looking guy your number.. it’s a horrible thought but it’s the truth during the initial stages of dating, looks are more important”
Her: “well I’m not saying your ugly but I went on a first date with you and my ex was really good looking compared to you, so you wasn’t my usual type”
Then we got into an argument and she left.. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been 2 days.
Who’s in the wrong? Should I apologise to her or should I wait for her to apologise?
Me: “As cruel as it sounds, looks are more important to women than a guy’s personality during the initial dating phase, I would say for a women choosing a man it’s 90% about looks and 10% their personality.. for the initial date”
Her: “wtf that’s not true, men find looks more important than women and women care more about personality, looks are not important for women”
Me: “well all the facts show the majority of women care more about looks than a man, e.g. most women will choose a guy who is tall vs a short guy, has good hair vs a bald guy, has a good body vs fat.. whereas a normal guy would fall in love with the average looking mcdonalds worker just cause they were nice to him..”
Her: “that’s not true”
Me: “well if an ugly guy who had an amazing personality came up to you on the street asking for your number vs a good looking guy who had a horrible personality.. you would reject the ugly guy and give the good looking guy your number.. it’s a horrible thought but it’s the truth during the initial stages of dating, looks are more important”
Her: “well I’m not saying your ugly but I went on a first date with you and my ex was really good looking compared to you, so you wasn’t my usual type”
Then we got into an argument and she left.. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been 2 days.
Who’s in the wrong? Should I apologise to her or should I wait for her to apologise?
Reply 1
Original post
by AnonymousI was sat with my girlfriend watching a reality dating show and how the nice guy wasn’t getting the girl he wanted but the f*ck boys were so I made a comment about people’s dating preference as the nice guy simply wasn’t good looking, this is how the convo went:
Me: “As cruel as it sounds, looks are more important to women than a guy’s personality during the initial dating phase, I would say for a women choosing a man it’s 90% about looks and 10% their personality.. for the initial date”
Her: “wtf that’s not true, men find looks more important than women and women care more about personality, looks are not important for women”
Me: “well all the facts show the majority of women care more about looks than a man, e.g. most women will choose a guy who is tall vs a short guy, has good hair vs a bald guy, has a good body vs fat.. whereas a normal guy would fall in love with the average looking mcdonalds worker just cause they were nice to him..”
Her: “that’s not true”
Me: “well if an ugly guy who had an amazing personality came up to you on the street asking for your number vs a good looking guy who had a horrible personality.. you would reject the ugly guy and give the good looking guy your number.. it’s a horrible thought but it’s the truth during the initial stages of dating, looks are more important”
Her: “well I’m not saying your ugly but I went on a first date with you and my ex was really good looking compared to you, so you wasn’t my usual type”
Then we got into an argument and she left.. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been 2 days.
Who’s in the wrong? Should I apologise to her or should I wait for her to apologise?
Me: “As cruel as it sounds, looks are more important to women than a guy’s personality during the initial dating phase, I would say for a women choosing a man it’s 90% about looks and 10% their personality.. for the initial date”
Her: “wtf that’s not true, men find looks more important than women and women care more about personality, looks are not important for women”
Me: “well all the facts show the majority of women care more about looks than a man, e.g. most women will choose a guy who is tall vs a short guy, has good hair vs a bald guy, has a good body vs fat.. whereas a normal guy would fall in love with the average looking mcdonalds worker just cause they were nice to him..”
Her: “that’s not true”
Me: “well if an ugly guy who had an amazing personality came up to you on the street asking for your number vs a good looking guy who had a horrible personality.. you would reject the ugly guy and give the good looking guy your number.. it’s a horrible thought but it’s the truth during the initial stages of dating, looks are more important”
Her: “well I’m not saying your ugly but I went on a first date with you and my ex was really good looking compared to you, so you wasn’t my usual type”
Then we got into an argument and she left.. We haven’t spoken since and it’s been 2 days.
Who’s in the wrong? Should I apologise to her or should I wait for her to apologise?
Wait for her to apologise, she’s just compared you to her ex!
Reply 2
20
You both need to grow up
Reply 3
pathetic and reminds me of my ex. tbh. boys are obsessed with the looks/personality. it shows insecurity. and is a massive ick, especially with the percents... incel logic imho
like, are u a girl? no. stop telling her what she likes, what she should like, etc, according to ur reddit theories.
like, short guys have gfs too. bfr man.
(srry for being harsh but u need a reality check)
like, are u a girl? no. stop telling her what she likes, what she should like, etc, according to ur reddit theories.
like, short guys have gfs too. bfr man.
(srry for being harsh but u need a reality check)
Reply 4
Both in the wrong. Her comparing you to an ex is a massive No No but the whole thing about girls going for looks more is smth id personally disagree with but she also tried to make the same point but used bad choice of comparison. If you’re both serious about each other a small disagreement shouldn’t stop you guys for talking for 2 whole days. Sort it out and apologise
Reply 5
21
You were more correct than her OP but you shouldn't have put her in a position where she has to defend hypocrisy. It was a needless argument.
She was very wrong to speak about her ex however. That was an attack because she took your concern personally.
Tinder (and similar) has substantially inflated the average woman's perception of their attractiveness to the point that while they believe they are assessing personality, it is within a relatively limited pool of attractive men compared to their own attractiveness level.
This does relax somewhat as women age however because in relative terms, men become a better value and women start to decrease in relative terms.
She was very wrong to speak about her ex however. That was an attack because she took your concern personally.
Tinder (and similar) has substantially inflated the average woman's perception of their attractiveness to the point that while they believe they are assessing personality, it is within a relatively limited pool of attractive men compared to their own attractiveness level.
This does relax somewhat as women age however because in relative terms, men become a better value and women start to decrease in relative terms.
Reply 6
this is such an incel discussion help
why do people have 'value'? can't people just have a healthy relationship without talking about their 'attractiveness level' and 'league' and 'value'? what happened to simply falling in love?
why do people have 'value'? can't people just have a healthy relationship without talking about their 'attractiveness level' and 'league' and 'value'? what happened to simply falling in love?
Reply 7
21
Original post
by Anonymousthis is such an incel discussion help
why do people have 'value'? can't people just have a healthy relationship without talking about their 'attractiveness level' and 'league' and 'value'? what happened to simply falling in love?
why do people have 'value'? can't people just have a healthy relationship without talking about their 'attractiveness level' and 'league' and 'value'? what happened to simply falling in love?
Psychoanalytic's.
At a population level, everybody is a statistic.
Reply 8
Original post
by Rakas21Psychoanalytic's.
At a population level, everybody is a statistic.
At a population level, everybody is a statistic.
*psychoanalytics
when ur tryna convince somebody, get the phraseology right. and where do you get your statistics from, exactly? reddit?
Reply 9
If we are talking about an initial interaction between two strangers, then clearly looks are important. I think anyone who believes otherwise is deluded.
Look (no pun intended), when we see someone for the first time, it's human nature to form an initial judgment (a first impression) based purely on how they look/ act. That will determine whether or not the recipient will give them the time of day. Their personality won't even get a chance until / unless they've made it past that first hurdle. IMHO, the only viable ways the personality can really come through despite adverse looks are if a) they are part of a larger group of friends or b) they're in an environment like work or some other project where they're forced to interact with each-other. However, I would like to say that I'm not, I repeat NOT stating that you need to be a 6' Chad with guns, abs and a 'douchebag' haircut to get a girl... you just need to have the right sort of look that the particular girl goes for (Oh, and it helps if you make an effort to look presentable). As has been said multiple times on this board, looks are subjective.
The OP doesn't mention the show, so I can't comment on the specifics of this incident in question; HOWEVER... it's all well and good saying he's "nice", but what does that mean exactly? This is just my opinion, but being "nice" isn't the same as being charming, witty, charismatic, self-confident or funny (N.B. these are specific qualities that girls are known to like). Alter boys and boy scouts are nice guys, are you telling me that automatically entitles them to a free sex pass with every girl they walk past?
General rule of thumb, men are visually stimulated, women are emotionally stimulated; i.e. guys like women who look good (that's why it can be easy for an average woman to get a lot of male attention if she wears tight or revealing clothing)... girls like guys who can make them feel good about themselves (why girls say they like guys who can make them laugh, feel important / special)... it just so happens that for some "feeling good" means having a dashing "stud-muffin" on her arm (WTF does that even mean LMAO).
As for the argument itself, I think it was a pretty stupid thing to say to her, and the OP kinda asked for that put-down (if you don't mind me saying). Granted, there may be an element of truth in his argument, but there are some "trigger" things you just don't say to women... it's almost on a parr with saying that she's fat (even if she is/ was), or that you fancy a threesome with her bestie. She was wrong to bring her ex into this, but he did push her into a corner and he also described a completely hypothetical situation... I mean, apart from suckers on scamming PUA courses, who really goes up to random women in the streets and just asks for their number without even trying to chat them up first?
IMHO, both parties should apologies, but the OP should make the first apology, for creating the stupid situation in the first place... it was a completely pointless argument.
Look (no pun intended), when we see someone for the first time, it's human nature to form an initial judgment (a first impression) based purely on how they look/ act. That will determine whether or not the recipient will give them the time of day. Their personality won't even get a chance until / unless they've made it past that first hurdle. IMHO, the only viable ways the personality can really come through despite adverse looks are if a) they are part of a larger group of friends or b) they're in an environment like work or some other project where they're forced to interact with each-other. However, I would like to say that I'm not, I repeat NOT stating that you need to be a 6' Chad with guns, abs and a 'douchebag' haircut to get a girl... you just need to have the right sort of look that the particular girl goes for (Oh, and it helps if you make an effort to look presentable). As has been said multiple times on this board, looks are subjective.
The OP doesn't mention the show, so I can't comment on the specifics of this incident in question; HOWEVER... it's all well and good saying he's "nice", but what does that mean exactly? This is just my opinion, but being "nice" isn't the same as being charming, witty, charismatic, self-confident or funny (N.B. these are specific qualities that girls are known to like). Alter boys and boy scouts are nice guys, are you telling me that automatically entitles them to a free sex pass with every girl they walk past?
General rule of thumb, men are visually stimulated, women are emotionally stimulated; i.e. guys like women who look good (that's why it can be easy for an average woman to get a lot of male attention if she wears tight or revealing clothing)... girls like guys who can make them feel good about themselves (why girls say they like guys who can make them laugh, feel important / special)... it just so happens that for some "feeling good" means having a dashing "stud-muffin" on her arm (WTF does that even mean LMAO).
As for the argument itself, I think it was a pretty stupid thing to say to her, and the OP kinda asked for that put-down (if you don't mind me saying). Granted, there may be an element of truth in his argument, but there are some "trigger" things you just don't say to women... it's almost on a parr with saying that she's fat (even if she is/ was), or that you fancy a threesome with her bestie. She was wrong to bring her ex into this, but he did push her into a corner and he also described a completely hypothetical situation... I mean, apart from suckers on scamming PUA courses, who really goes up to random women in the streets and just asks for their number without even trying to chat them up first?
IMHO, both parties should apologies, but the OP should make the first apology, for creating the stupid situation in the first place... it was a completely pointless argument.
Reply 10
You are right, looks are the most important thing for girls. Girls don't admit it because they would look shallow but it's the truth. Looks are important for guys too, a guy would choose a hot woman with horrible personality rather than an ugly girl with good personality. The only difference is that girls are much more selective and they would rather stay single than dating an ugly guy. A guy instead has a high sex drive as he's full of testosterone and needs sex, so if he can't have a hot woman he will lower his expectations and date even an unattractive girl
Reply 11
21
Dump her or at least leave the ball in her court. The ex thing was a low blow. Mind you I’d avoid this sort of no win argument in future
Reply 12
Original post
by ZarekDump her or at least leave the ball in her court. The ex thing was a low blow. Mind you I’d avoid this sort of no win argument in future
Although she was wrong to say what she said, I still maintain that he created the situation in the first place and pushed her into a corner, by continuing with this stupid and pointless argument.
Remember, poke any dog with a stick enough times, eventually it's gonna bite you back
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 13
21
Original post
by Old Skool FreakAlthough she was wrong to say what she said, I still maintain that he created the situation in the first place and pushed her into a corner, by continuing with this stupid and pointless argument.
Remember, poke any dog with a stick enough times, eventually it's gonna bite you back
Remember, poke any dog with a stick enough times, eventually it's gonna bite you back
You have a point
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