How to figure out why people don’t like me

I’m 20f and not exaggerating when I say I’ve never had a single friend or relationship in my life. My current conclusion is that I have a weird vibe/aura that is extremely repellent to people but idk how to figure out what it is specifically or how to change it.

No one has ever said to my face why they don’t like me, I just know that for some reason, within an hour of being in my company, everyone I’ve ever met has decided they don’t want to be around me. I’ve asked my family what it is several times and they either just say that I’m not doing anything wrong/off putting. Or that I must be coming off as shy/quiet. But the thing is, even when I’m being extremely chatty and what I think is normal, people still pick up that vibe that I’m in some way repellent so I really don’t think it’s just that I seem shy. And I don’t have anyone else I’m close enough with that I could ask

And I come online to talk about my mental health a lot but in person I don’t being it up ever, and I don’t come across as clingy or desperate. I let people work out for themselves that they don’t like me and I don’t force my company on those who don’t want it (everyone).

But at this point I’m at a loss for how to figure out what I’m doing wrong. Even online people pick up that vibe and get rid of me within a week. So I just really don’t know how to figure out what about me specifically gives off that weird and off putting vibe.

Reply 1

NeoIan

Hi, can you give us a few more details on what your life is like, do you study - at uni or work? what types of groups and activities do you partake in? what types of people do you like ?
Remember it is not a one way thing, you have a part to play in it too where in you have preferences too and perhaps havent found people you like to hang around.
Please expand on your life setup and it might be easier to answer ? 🙂

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by NeoIan

I’m at uni and when I first got there I tried to make friends with people off my course and join societies but gave up when it became clear people didn’t want to become anymore than acquaintances with me

Reply 3

NeoIan

Ok, and what types of people do you like, what are you like - sporty , arty, thoughtful ... ? you seem nice to me and genuine so not sure why you get this interaction with people ? :smile:

Reply 4

NeoIan

Well happy to be a friend to you - pm me and let’s catchup more if that helps 🙂

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

This is one of those that may well be impossible to answer via this forum.
But could be easily answered by you spending an hour in real life with someone with good judgement that's willing to give you full feedback on this issue.

Reply 6

Doomotron

Has anyone in person given you a reason?

Reply 7

sleepless-italy

Original post by Anonymous

I’m 20f and not exaggerating when I say I’ve never had a single friend or relationship in my life. My current conclusion is that I have a weird vibe/aura that is extremely repellent to people but idk how to figure out what it is specifically or how to change it.
No one has ever said to my face why they don’t like me, I just know that for some reason, within an hour of being in my company, everyone I’ve ever met has decided they don’t want to be around me. I’ve asked my family what it is several times and they either just say that I’m not doing anything wrong/off putting. Or that I must be coming off as shy/quiet. But the thing is, even when I’m being extremely chatty and what I think is normal, people still pick up that vibe that I’m in some way repellent so I really don’t think it’s just that I seem shy. And I don’t have anyone else I’m close enough with that I could ask
And I come online to talk about my mental health a lot but in person I don’t being it up ever, and I don’t come across as clingy or desperate. I let people work out for themselves that they don’t like me and I don’t force my company on those who don’t want it (everyone).
But at this point I’m at a loss for how to figure out what I’m doing wrong. Even online people pick up that vibe and get rid of me within a week. So I just really don’t know how to figure out what about me specifically gives off that weird and off putting vibe.

Hey, do you mind pming me?

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’m 20f and not exaggerating when I say I’ve never had a single friend or relationship in my life. My current conclusion is that I have a weird vibe/aura that is extremely repellent to people but idk how to figure out what it is specifically or how to change it.
No one has ever said to my face why they don’t like me, I just know that for some reason, within an hour of being in my company, everyone I’ve ever met has decided they don’t want to be around me. I’ve asked my family what it is several times and they either just say that I’m not doing anything wrong/off putting. Or that I must be coming off as shy/quiet. But the thing is, even when I’m being extremely chatty and what I think is normal, people still pick up that vibe that I’m in some way repellent so I really don’t think it’s just that I seem shy. And I don’t have anyone else I’m close enough with that I could ask
And I come online to talk about my mental health a lot but in person I don’t being it up ever, and I don’t come across as clingy or desperate. I let people work out for themselves that they don’t like me and I don’t force my company on those who don’t want it (everyone).
But at this point I’m at a loss for how to figure out what I’m doing wrong. Even online people pick up that vibe and get rid of me within a week. So I just really don’t know how to figure out what about me specifically gives off that weird and off putting vibe.

Things that usually put people off from the get go (if you do any of these you’re not a bad person, or even necessarily doing anything wrong, but it does make it harder to make friends):

•

people who make lots of self-deprecating jokes; it’s uncomfortable, and can sometimes feel like you’re compliment fishing

•

people who are constantly negative (ie, focusing a lot on things they dislike and complaining); it’s draining to be around

•

people who tend to try too hard to fit in; it sucks, because you only do it bc you want to be closer to them, but if you just agree with everything they say and copy their mannerisms and behaviours too obviously they can tell and might think you to be a little uninteresting

•

people who are overly judgy (whether of opinions, behaviour, or appearance)

•

people with poor hygiene; poor hygiene can range from smelling bad (whether b.o or breath), to just looking unkept

•

people who overshare; it’s uncomfortable

Again, you’re not a bad person or necessarily doing anything wrong if you do these, but people tend to be put off by individuals who display these behaviours from the get go. Once the friendship deepens, things like over sharing, negativity, and judgy-ness become ok (as long as you don’t overdo it!), but when you’re meeting someone, it’s better to start slow.