judged for wanting to wait till marriage (F18)

Hello,
I am F18 and currently firm on my decision to wait until marriage to have sex. However, upon peoples discoveries of this, i was met with constant judgement. I was surprised. What is was wrong with a person wanting to wait till marriage? Why do people have a problem with this. I've been told that I dont need to stop myself from having "fun" especially at my age and need to find out what I like and dont like for sex. I completely disagree. Is it wrong to want my husband to know that he's the only one I've slept with? Is it wrong that I dont want multiple people to see me in a vulnerable state? Only elder people have agreed with me on this. But why cant the people my age agree either? Is it because of the society we live in now? I think having sex with multiple people create useless "bonds" in a way. I dont know how to explain it.

What are your opinions on this?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hello,
I am F18 and currently firm on my decision to wait until marriage to have sex. However, upon peoples discoveries of this, i was met with constant judgement. I was surprised. What is was wrong with a person wanting to wait till marriage? Why do people have a problem with this. I've been told that I dont need to stop myself from having "fun" especially at my age and need to find out what I like and dont like for sex. I completely disagree. Is it wrong to want my husband to know that he's the only one I've slept with? Is it wrong that I dont want multiple people to see me in a vulnerable state? Only elder people have agreed with me on this. But why cant the people my age agree either? Is it because of the society we live in now? I think having sex with multiple people create useless "bonds" in a way. I dont know how to explain it.
What are your opinions on this?

I am the same age as you and I completely agree, majority of people that go to the same sixth form as me, however, want to start as soon as they get to uni, no judgement but that just isn't for me, stick to your values and don't let anyone try and convince you otherwise.

Reply 2

randdom

20

I think the culture we are currently living in does make it harder for people to understand. Fewer people are making this decision then perhaps used too. However that is not to say that this is the wrong decision. If this is something that you want to do then you should absolutely do it. You might find that once you are out of school and into either university or work that the people you are friends with should hopefully be more accepting that this is your choice. If this is something that is important to you then people who you care about should be supporting you in this.

Reply 3

Rakas21

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hello,
I am F18 and currently firm on my decision to wait until marriage to have sex. However, upon peoples discoveries of this, i was met with constant judgement. I was surprised. What is was wrong with a person wanting to wait till marriage? Why do people have a problem with this. I've been told that I dont need to stop myself from having "fun" especially at my age and need to find out what I like and dont like for sex. I completely disagree. Is it wrong to want my husband to know that he's the only one I've slept with? Is it wrong that I dont want multiple people to see me in a vulnerable state? Only elder people have agreed with me on this. But why cant the people my age agree either? Is it because of the society we live in now? I think having sex with multiple people create useless "bonds" in a way. I dont know how to explain it.
What are your opinions on this?

It's cultural.

The sexual revolution and modern feminist movements promote the idea that because men have indiscriminate sex, women should too.

Some of the women you know also feel shame/regret at permitting men to pump and dump them without commitment (albeit it's not just their fault in these situations) and so may be envious or insecure.

I myself am not opposed to women having sex but neither do I consider it a bad thing that you choose not to (your certainly less likely to be used by a man than somebody on Tinder sleeping around and the like) so congratulations I guess. You've (successfully so far) avoided becoming a societal sheep.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

I am quite a bit older than you and personally don't agree with waiting until marriage (and my personal experiences have proven this to be the right choice) but if that's what you want to do, that's totally your choice and you shouldn't care hat other people think about it.

I do wonder why you feel like sex is about you being vulnerable though? It shouldn't be. No one should put you in a position where you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable, and that includes your husband.

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

I will be honest I haven't figured out how I feel about this either. Because I haven't, I haven't yet had sex (which I am very glad about). I don't care about waiting for marriage, but I know I won't have sex unless I can see a future with the guy and actually have very strong feelings for him/love him. I am 23 so a lot older than you. Oh well. Also, girl, don't have sex if it's just peer pressure. People are stupid.

Reply 6

Little pecker

20

You’l be judged for whatever you choose, wouldn’t spend a second thinking about it tbh.

People will judge you for sleeping around if it goes against their personal value system, judge you for cheating, smoking, no working, not wanting to get married or have kids, drink alcohol, list goes on.

Everyone has their personal sensitive spot which they feel challenged when mentioned, this particular topic will probably annoy some guys because it basically means you won’t sleep with anyone.

Reply 7

Zarek

21

My view is that you need to know someone very well before opting for marriage, and that includes exploring sex together. I guess is not impossible to find someone that shares your view, but it’s probably a niche outlook nowadays

Reply 8

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

Hello,
I am F18 and currently firm on my decision to wait until marriage to have sex. However, upon peoples discoveries of this, i was met with constant judgement. I was surprised. What is was wrong with a person wanting to wait till marriage? Why do people have a problem with this. I've been told that I dont need to stop myself from having "fun" especially at my age and need to find out what I like and dont like for sex. I completely disagree. Is it wrong to want my husband to know that he's the only one I've slept with? Is it wrong that I dont want multiple people to see me in a vulnerable state? Only elder people have agreed with me on this. But why cant the people my age agree either? Is it because of the society we live in now? I think having sex with multiple people create useless "bonds" in a way. I dont know how to explain it.
What are your opinions on this?

I think less than a cultural thing, there are implications to waiting for marriage that make some people uneasy, particularly in my country though I can't speak for yours, obviously. Wanting to know one's preferences before something as binding as marriage is seen as mostly sensible because it gives you a level of agency and clear boundaries you can set with a partner instead of being hurt later, even by accident. At least, that's the predominant sentiment I see- it's less about fun and more about learning.

That said, you are totally right to have your own reasons to wait for marriage, and nobody can or should tell you otherwise. Just keep in mind that information you share, or the more you make yourself unavailable in a vocal manner the more people will judge you or specifically 'aim for' you as a 'prize' because they see you as unattainable- not your fault, just how many people are. You do what makes you happy and comfortable!

judged for wanting to wait till marriage (F18)

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