Hello
I am autistic and am also 20. I was diagnosed just after my seventeenth birthday, so not quite as an adult, but definitely later than I should have been. The first thing which I think is important to acknowledge is that the criteria for being autistic is a lot more complex than widely believed/understood, and social difficulties are only one part of that.
As the other reply said, the process is often a long and arduous one, and if you are sure you do not need a diagnosis for the aid which it would provide, I would question why you would need one at all. You can treat yourself like an autistic person, considering your sensory needs, emotional development, and social difficulties, without an official diagnosis.
As someone who does need a lot of additional help and support, which needs to be proven by copious letters from professionals, letters of diagnosis, etc., if you do not need extra time (which, by the way, is currently being phased out and replaced in many places by either rest breaks or other accommodations), then it’s unlikely you would receive it. However, you may find that a lot of your self-image is heavily affected by internalised abelism. This is by no means an insult, as this is painfully common, and my Dad and I have both suffered with this. If you are autistic, you are probably used to using a lot of coping mechanisms in life crafted to deal with the trauma of an undiagnosed autistic experience. Just because you are managing without aids, doesn't mean they wouldn't greatly benefit you. I also have a joint condition (comorbidities are very very common with autism), and technically, I can do things without my compression gloves, however not using them does cause me to endure a lot more pain and fatigue than I otherwise would have done (especially in winter). What I mean to say is, that an ASD diagnosis can make you more aware of how much you are actually struggling (which can be painful); however, it can also then act as a guide to find ways to deal with issues you hadn’t necessarily realised you were struggling with. I didn't quite realise how much unnecessary pain I was dealing with until I put on the gloves (I hope the metaphor is working).
There is stigma. I have had bad experiences of being infantilised, ignored, belittled, and disregarded due to being autistic. However, I have also had much better experiences at the doctors (I do think I genuinely have a really good GP tho, so it is also dependant on people) where since my diagnosis, it’s been a lot easier to be taken seriously, leading to quite quick ADHD diagnosis etc. It’s a double-edged sword which often leaves you more vulnerable. But it can have its positives too. I’ve found it a bit easier to assert my boundaries, and understand myself in a way which is invaluable.
Currently, I haven’t been able to work due to my disabilities (my joint problems are actually the main reason here, not just being autistic), however, my dad, who was diagnosed just before me (in his 50s), worked his entire life, and since having the diagnosis has gotten a different job and been able to ask for accommodations which he needed. Disclosing your disability is a personal choice, and not for someone else to tell you to or not to do.
Friendships are difficult. I have three friends, two of which are from year seven and the other from later in secondary school. Also, one of these friends I see maybe twice a year since she’s a med student and quite far away. Personally, I’m the sort of autistic who really doesn't need much social contact; in fact, I much prefer my own company most of the time. I do, however, currently live with a fully neurodiverse family, which likely quells any need for more socialisation. I think friendships are hard when you’re autistic—if you are—however, I think putting less pressure on yourself to socialise in ‘normal’ ways or as frequently as others do, definitely can help.
Also, on the being found to be off-putting thing… I’m wondering if this has something to do with the ‘uncanny valley’ thing I’ve heard people talk about, especially on TikTok. Honestly, this isn’t as cut and dry as people make it out to be. Lots of autistic people are extroverts and incredibly social. I mean, personally, I’m an introvert, but I’ve always been able to make friends by accident without realising it. I’m not about to give advice on making friends, because I don't have that many and am not very good at it. However, I think a lot of making friends is the setting, like going to a club which you're interested in to find like-minded people. An autistic family friend of mine told me to try a sports/active club as you have more passive interactions with people, which require less talking but can still foster relationships.
A diagnosis is a very personal thing, but if I were to list MY PERSONAL pros and cons, it would look a bit like this:
PROS:
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Contextualising the past and present, especially things which I previously didn't understand, like my meltdowns, burnout, selective mutism, sensory issues
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Getting help at school, going to a specialised sixth-form
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Getting lots of help at my uni (I'm starting in September, but we’ve already set most of it up)
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Learning about how to self-regulate emotions etc
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Getting understanding and acceptance from family and friends
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Becoming more aware of my difficulties so that I can be more realistic and rational when approaching tasks/situations, and knowing where my limits lie so I can make informed choices about how, when and if to challenge myself
CONS:
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Facing occasional ableism
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The emotional turmoil felt in the months after the diagnosis
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The ‘what ifs’ about if only I had been diagnosed sooner, etc
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Getting family and friends to understand can be hard and in some cases impossible, and somehow understanding your disability and then seeing people fail to accommodate it in very simple ways again and again can be worse than just not knowing sometimes, honestly
I would argue that knowing is better than not knowing. Whether you are or aren't autistic, I think that that knowledge is important. However, this is totally personal, and nobody should ever say, ‘You need to do X’, or ‘This is definitely the right decision’ because that's only something you can decide for yourself.
I hope this reply is somewhat useful. If you have any questions, I’m happy to do my best to answer.