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How can I be more understanding of his clingy ex?
I've been seeing this guy for nearly a year and something's been bugging me recently. His ex is apparently going through a hard time and is calling on him more and more often to talk (because they are still friends), this involves late night phone calls and messages etc and every night when I've been with him lately I've had to leave him to talk to her and I'm getting tired of it. I got very annoyed the other night when we were out and she phoned at nearly 1am...it just seems so clingy...
I think the main reason I'm annoyed though is that she's the reason why he's reluctant to have another serious relationship, because he got tired of her clingyness and insecurity yet she's continuing to do this even when they're not together
Plus she hates me because he cheated on her with me (not that I knew about her at the time) - so what am I supposed to do?! Aargh any advice please would be appreciated...
I think the main reason I'm annoyed though is that she's the reason why he's reluctant to have another serious relationship, because he got tired of her clingyness and insecurity yet she's continuing to do this even when they're not together
Plus she hates me because he cheated on her with me (not that I knew about her at the time) - so what am I supposed to do?! Aargh any advice please would be appreciated...
Reply 1
14
Tricky one, I think you just need to let him know it is affecting your relationship, personally that would annoy the hell out of me, I doubt I would put up with it.
I think it really depends on what your boyfriends ex is 'going through'. If it's something serious like bereavement and she's used to confiding in him, I suppose you should at least try to tolerate it for a while.
However, I do think it's crossing the boundaries a bit, could her constant calling and 'hard time' just be a ploy to stay in contact with him and ultimately get him back? Too hard to guess, but I would definitely be suspicious, after all - he has cheated before.
I think it really depends on what your boyfriends ex is 'going through'. If it's something serious like bereavement and she's used to confiding in him, I suppose you should at least try to tolerate it for a while.
However, I do think it's crossing the boundaries a bit, could her constant calling and 'hard time' just be a ploy to stay in contact with him and ultimately get him back? Too hard to guess, but I would definitely be suspicious, after all - he has cheated before.
Reply 2
My initial thoughts are these- Perhaps he still has feelings for her. This may be why he doesn't want "another serious relationship", as it would be a convenient excuse to cut you off at his earliest convenience should he see fit.
He doesn't hold your feelings in particularly high regard, otherwise he'd be a little more sensitive to your feelings on the matter.
Also, you must ask yourself whether or not you are over-reacting. Whether or not her behaviour is excessive depends largely on a number of things, for example; the nature of her problems and their friendship prior to this. I'd be more concerned if her "problems" entailed her chipping a nail and their friendship was virtually non-existent until now, however, if she'd had a death in her family and they have been close since splitting up, her behaviour is excusable.
Is he misbehaving or are you having an acute case of "green-eyed monster"? Only you can answer this i'm afraid.
He doesn't hold your feelings in particularly high regard, otherwise he'd be a little more sensitive to your feelings on the matter.
Also, you must ask yourself whether or not you are over-reacting. Whether or not her behaviour is excessive depends largely on a number of things, for example; the nature of her problems and their friendship prior to this. I'd be more concerned if her "problems" entailed her chipping a nail and their friendship was virtually non-existent until now, however, if she'd had a death in her family and they have been close since splitting up, her behaviour is excusable.
Is he misbehaving or are you having an acute case of "green-eyed monster"? Only you can answer this i'm afraid.
Reply 3
If she's going through a tough time, and they're still friends, of course it's okay for her to call him. He might be feeling guilty too, for cheating on her. On the other hand, there should be a line drawn too to not become too clingy... but that's the same for all friendships (irrelevant of them being ex's).
Talk to your boyfriend, but I don't think you should tell him to stop seeing her, maybe just let him know you're not totally comfortable with how much she's taking his time.
Talk to your boyfriend, but I don't think you should tell him to stop seeing her, maybe just let him know you're not totally comfortable with how much she's taking his time.
Reply 4
In my opinion the best thing your boyfriend could do for her is to talk to her less/stop devoting his time to her when she "needs" it. If she's being clingy like that then, yeah... You have to draw the line somewhere.
Reply 5
i think that your reaction is down to a few things
1. shes an ex (some women can be unexplicably hung up on these)
2. shes his friend
3. shes phoning him at stupid o clock
4. she needs him thus depriving you of his attention
5. you know hes cheated before and have first hand experiance with it.
6. you know how clingy and therefore emotionally screwed she is.
7. you dont trust her
8. you dont trust him either (maybe)
9. you think shes trying to steal your man
thats just what i got from your post, im with LRS on this one, you need to find out why its annoying you so much, and it depends on the actualy rough patch the ex is going through. If they have stayed friends though its natural that she would turn to him and you may ahve to just grin and bear it.
But talk your boyfriend and explain to him the issues you have with this
1. shes an ex (some women can be unexplicably hung up on these)
2. shes his friend
3. shes phoning him at stupid o clock
4. she needs him thus depriving you of his attention
5. you know hes cheated before and have first hand experiance with it.
6. you know how clingy and therefore emotionally screwed she is.
7. you dont trust her
8. you dont trust him either (maybe)
9. you think shes trying to steal your man
thats just what i got from your post, im with LRS on this one, you need to find out why its annoying you so much, and it depends on the actualy rough patch the ex is going through. If they have stayed friends though its natural that she would turn to him and you may ahve to just grin and bear it.
But talk your boyfriend and explain to him the issues you have with this
Reply 6
Anonymous
I've been seeing this guy for nearly a year and something's been bugging me recently. His ex is apparently going through a hard time and is calling on him more and more often to talk (because they are still friends), this involves late night phone calls and messages etc and every night when I've been with him lately I've had to leave him to talk to her and I'm getting tired of it. I got very annoyed the other night when we were out and she phoned at nearly 1am...it just seems so clingy...
I think the main reason I'm annoyed though is that she's the reason why he's reluctant to have another serious relationship, because he got tired of her clingyness and insecurity yet she's continuing to do this even when they're not together
Plus she hates me because he cheated on her with me (not that I knew about her at the time) - so what am I supposed to do?! Aargh any advice please would be appreciated...
I think the main reason I'm annoyed though is that she's the reason why he's reluctant to have another serious relationship, because he got tired of her clingyness and insecurity yet she's continuing to do this even when they're not together
Plus she hates me because he cheated on her with me (not that I knew about her at the time) - so what am I supposed to do?! Aargh any advice please would be appreciated...
KILL HER!
No seriously if I were in that situation I would be extremely (and visibly) annoyed. Just make some comment "wow its like you're cheating on her with me again" as a joke if he's that kind of guy. If he's the serious type then tell him she is taking up too much of his time, even if they are just friends. Ask him if he thinks she is being inappropriate seeing as they're not together any more that he'd rather listen to her whine than be with you.
Reply 7
17
hanrose
KILL HER!
No seriously if I were in that situation I would be extremely (and visibly) annoyed. Just make some comment "wow its like you're cheating on her with me again" as a joke if he's that kind of guy. If he's the serious type then tell him she is taking up too much of his time, even if they are just friends. Ask him if he thinks she is being inappropriate seeing as they're not together any more that he'd rather listen to her whine than be with you.
No seriously if I were in that situation I would be extremely (and visibly) annoyed. Just make some comment "wow its like you're cheating on her with me again" as a joke if he's that kind of guy. If he's the serious type then tell him she is taking up too much of his time, even if they are just friends. Ask him if he thinks she is being inappropriate seeing as they're not together any more that he'd rather listen to her whine than be with you.
a year old d00d
not cool, not cool
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- I don't want to break up with my bf but I want to date my ex
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