Relationship (Am I too nice or just stupid?)

Hello everyone. I used to date this girl for 8 months between September to June. she open up to me about her mental health problem and I’ve tried to help her 6 times. Offer to pay for private therapy sessions, offer to show her how to become better person and everything. I told her making excuses for not wanting to change won’t work because it will in a cycle. that was the first issue in our relationship
Second issue in our relationships was her trying to cancel on me or did cancel on me. when I come back from holiday. I was on the coach looking so forward of seeing my girlfriend then we agree we meet up after she finish work. But I got a message off her saying bae can we cancel I’m going to be tired after work? I said sure no problem . Even tho I hurt from it. like you can never be too tired to see your boyfriend or girlfriend. second issue when she try to cancel seeing me on my birthday because she was sick. I still went to see her and I bought her medicine to make her feel better and her parents ask what medicine did I buy her and I show it to them. And last incident was we agree to meet up again and she sent me a text day later saying can we cancel cos I need space. It’s hurt me.
issue number three. She called me abuser. After showing her so much love so much care. I bought her flowers, chocolate, clothes , rose bear , birthday video, games, Christmas gift everything for her. she knew about my family issues and she called me that as a joke. It’s really hurt me and I couldn’t understand why she said that to me . I wrote her love letter and poems for her.
Final issue - we agree to go to Brighton over the summer 5th of august to 9th august and she said to me sure why not. So we book the tickets and everything. Then the day after I got a message saying please don’t her best friend as she will block her if she go on holiday with me. I call it out and say she is childish for this sort of behaviour. That was when I knew I needed to get out of this relationship. As this wasn’t healthy at all. this was just affecting me and I’m losing myself
her family said to her don’t mess up this relationship. her FAMILY said it to her
Like I bought her dog gift, her sister gift, I never said no to her. Bough her food, gifts, poems, letter, date night, always told her I love her and stuff. Try to help her. But in the end she didn’t want that and just wanted to be in the cycle. I just wanted her to be better in life. Rather than her wasting money on gift for me. The best gift for me was seeing her success in life and be happy with her mental health. But she didn’t want to get help and I couldn’t do it anymore as I’ve tried to help her 6 times private care everything
My question is am I too nice or was I stupid for not seeing any of the red flags that she was showing.
I know I wasn’t the person man. But I damn well I try and gave my 100% to make her happy and stuff and her BFF told me I ruined her mental health more. But I don’t understand I did so much for her how did I ruined her mental health more. Well I just wanted the best for her and everything. I’m so confused and lose about myself. Then my ex has the nerve to say I will never get a person like her again. I stay calm and didn’t say anything rude. I respect her opinion but it’s really bothered me that she didn’t see the amount of effort I put in after our relationship ended
Am I too nice or stupid

I have been in pretty much a very similar situation. The trouble is she i not at all well. Sure she may have good days, she will have bad days, but overall she is likely not well. The best way is a much more more hands off approach. Be there for her, do NOT shower her with gifts etc etc every 5 minutes, that would be too much and will do no good, infact would be detrimental. Make sure she knows you are "there for her" and offer to help her with getting therapy. Do NOT smother her so much, as I say make sure she knows you are always there for her in all respects, but just do the occasional nice thing, NOT all the showering with gifts etc that would smother her. It is always very hard for someone
helping someone who is ill like that as it is often as hard for you as them, I know. Look on "hypnotherapy directory" on Google and in there find some good therapists in yr area and they will often give 1/2 hr FREE consultations and
they do hypnotherapy, EMDR (rapid eye movement etc) etc. Worth a try. Take her to one or two see if can work.

And also in answer to your question you are "too nice" and ending up hurting yourself more than helping her. Back off a lo as I suggest and protect yourself more but as I say make sure she knows you are there if she wants/needs you. Maybe make an appointment for 1 therapy session for her and take her there.

well. i did that and if you check my respond well. "i cant do that anymore. as i try everything that you said. but she wasn't willing to help herself each time we spoke about her mental health. we spoke about 6 times. each time she said to me it aint fair on you. you dont deserve this. you deserve better. but deep down if she said that to me. why wont she make the change. i dont date her anymore because of other issue that i have said in the post. but deep down i did what i can for her and offer private care to get the help that she is needing" its just annoying as i know she can go far in life and do so much better but she is stuck in the cycle AND i tried to break her out of it "

Yes quite often those than have been abused or otherwise traumatised are the ones who could go far and are very nice people. It is very hard and all you can do is try your best and hope that they get better.

Yes quite often those than have been abused or otherwise traumatised are the ones who could go far and are very nice people. It is very hard and all you can do is try your best and hope that they get better.

To be blunt, you presumed you could 'fix' someone's mental health issues by white knighting and love bombing them, it absolutely did not work and you're left feeling bitter and owed because you didn't get the results or applause you were expecting.
I've made the same mistake myself, in hindsight when my ex also told me she was no good for me and I didn't deserve this etc, I should have absolutely taken her at face value rather than brushing it off.

Hello everyone. I used to date this girl for 8 months between September to June. she open up to me about her mental health problem and I’ve tried to help her 6 times. Offer to pay for private therapy sessions, offer to show her how to become better person and everything. I told her making excuses for not wanting to change won’t work because it will in a cycle. that was the first issue in our relationship
Second issue in our relationships was her trying to cancel on me or did cancel on me. when I come back from holiday. I was on the coach looking so forward of seeing my girlfriend then we agree we meet up after she finish work. But I got a message off her saying bae can we cancel I’m going to be tired after work? I said sure no problem . Even tho I hurt from it. like you can never be too tired to see your boyfriend or girlfriend. second issue when she try to cancel seeing me on my birthday because she was sick. I still went to see her and I bought her medicine to make her feel better and her parents ask what medicine did I buy her and I show it to them. And last incident was we agree to meet up again and she sent me a text day later saying can we cancel cos I need space. It’s hurt me.
issue number three. She called me abuser. After showing her so much love so much care. I bought her flowers, chocolate, clothes , rose bear , birthday video, games, Christmas gift everything for her. she knew about my family issues and she called me that as a joke. It’s really hurt me and I couldn’t understand why she said that to me . I wrote her love letter and poems for her.
Final issue - we agree to go to Brighton over the summer 5th of august to 9th august and she said to me sure why not. So we book the tickets and everything. Then the day after I got a message saying please don’t her best friend as she will block her if she go on holiday with me. I call it out and say she is childish for this sort of behaviour. That was when I knew I needed to get out of this relationship. As this wasn’t healthy at all. this was just affecting me and I’m losing myself
her family said to her don’t mess up this relationship. her FAMILY said it to her
Like I bought her dog gift, her sister gift, I never said no to her. Bough her food, gifts, poems, letter, date night, always told her I love her and stuff. Try to help her. But in the end she didn’t want that and just wanted to be in the cycle. I just wanted her to be better in life. Rather than her wasting money on gift for me. The best gift for me was seeing her success in life and be happy with her mental health. But she didn’t want to get help and I couldn’t do it anymore as I’ve tried to help her 6 times private care everything
My question is am I too nice or was I stupid for not seeing any of the red flags that she was showing.
I know I wasn’t the person man. But I damn well I try and gave my 100% to make her happy and stuff and her BFF told me I ruined her mental health more. But I don’t understand I did so much for her how did I ruined her mental health more. Well I just wanted the best for her and everything. I’m so confused and lose about myself. Then my ex has the nerve to say I will never get a person like her again. I stay calm and didn’t say anything rude. I respect her opinion but it’s really bothered me that she didn’t see the amount of effort I put in after our relationship ended
Am I too nice or stupid

You’re not stupid because I think you really see the best in people. You hold yourself to a standard with how you are in relationships and when other people don’t meet the standards you put yourself to, then you let yourself down. It’s hard when you love someone or care for them and it feels as though they aren’t giving none of it back, sometimes people just are who they are and it sucks. If you can’t figure out what you did wrong and you’re genuinely confused, then you really didn’t do anything, she just used you and wasted your time. Don’t change being nice, stay who you are. That is an incredible quality that if you give it to the right person, it will be returned to you. You just have to not give so much of yourself to a person until you know for sure it’s mutual, but you can still be kind. Don’t go all out unless you see that they are worth going all out for, someone who will appreciate it. You deserve better, don’t let a girl who made you feel like you weren’t enough when you were doing more than enough make you feel like it was your fault because it wasn’t. She sounds narcissistic. Focus on you and give all that love you tried to give her to yourself, because once you fully love yourself, you’ll know when someone else truly does too.

that the thing. i was bought up to care and be nice to everyone. my mindset is simple as ****. treat people the way that you wanted to be treated. when me and my ex broke up she try to said she was too good for me. So my offer for private health, my love, the gifts, flowers all of that down the bin and you forget that the birthday gifts 300 pounds on asos and another 300 pounds on another stuff that i got for you and you wanted. the gift i got for your sister. but she was too good for me. honeslty it just really hurts that someone can be so closed minded that they cant see the amount of how work and effort that i put in. i made mistake during the relationship AND i fixed up. i wrote her poems, love letters to show her how much i love her. but she didnt want to return back the same energy. she has the audacity to call me abuser. its show how she wants to be treated and used. i still wish her the best and i hope she find the person right for her.

Friend, life is harsh.
What I’ve learnt is that girls with issues innately wish to be treated harshly. Their low self-esteem teaches them that they are somewhat worthless, and expect to be treated thus. They don’t realise it, but that’s what they like. Their frame of mind is completely upside down. A human being should never be treated that way, therefore they should be given space to fix their issues first. It’s the most loving thing you can do.
You sound like a genuine guy and there are genuine girls out there waiting for a guy like you. Work on yourself, and you’ll see that your girl will come along. Don’t lose your flair though, and be careful who you invest your heart beats on.