worried my flatmates and i won’t be friends

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Online isn't real life. Don't force a relationship through a format this isn't the real one you have to live in. Just turn up and do your best. You don't even have to be best-buddies with your flat mates, you might well find a friendship group elsewhere.

Reply 2

Lancaster Student Ambassador

Official Rep

16

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi Anon!

It's super hard to click with people over the phone, in person (and when you're all bonding over the chaos of freshers week!) will be a whole different story. Also, I promise you there are plenty of people who didn't become friends with their flatmates straight away, or who stopped being friends after first year - and they're all doing absolutely fine. You'll meet so many people through your course, societies, friends of friends, and other people who live in accommodation around your flat.

Please don't worry, and good luck with starting university!
Rebecca (Lancaster Student Ambassador)

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi there!

The other comments above are absolutely right. Chatting online can be difficult at first, and sometimes people come across differently online than they do on person.

I don't really see my first year flat mates very often anymore, but I have a lovely friend group who I moved in with for my second year and we're all really close now. My first year was still great with my flatmates too, but we just found other people through our courses and societies who we became friends with. And this is not to say your experience will be the same as mine, I have loads of course mates who have been friends with their first year flat mates and are now super close. Just a reminder that everyone's experience is different, and that's okay.

Try your best when you first move in to get to know everyone, and let them get to know you. And as you settle in, I'm sure you'll figure out your friendships, and find other people you get on with outside of your flat too. All the best! 🙂

Emily
Student Rep at BCU

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi,

I wouldn't be too worried. You'll see how you bond when the semester starts, worst case is that you're not that close as a flat but that's absolutely fine. You'll meet loads of people in classes and at societies and clubs. These aren't the only people you can be friends with.

Beyond that as others said talking online can be tricky. People might also be nervous and are trying too hard or are very in their head so they are coming across strange. I wouldn't take it to heart if possible. During freshers you'll meet so many people all who are in a new strange environment just like yourself and want to make friends so if you're open and willing to chat to people there's no way you'll leave freshers week without people you've become friendly with.

I hope this helps!

- Jessica
3rd year, Computer Science (Artificial Intelligence)

Reply 5

Scotland Yard

Universities Forum Helper

20

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

It's an occupational hazard of living in halls, sadly. Sometimes you mesh, sometimes you don't. You are all making an effort right now, which even if it is a bit awkward online, it's a good sign. As long as you have a cordial relationship with your flatmates, you'll be fine and as others have said, you will make friends elsewhere - even with other people in your halls. I was much closer with the people that lived in the flat next door to mine than my actual flatmates.

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi there👋

It looks like lots of people have shared great advice. To add to that, remember that your flatmates are just one of many networks you will have at university. You'll meet people on your course, in your society/sports club, at events etc. and many people find it's within those networks where you find the people you connect with most (it was certainly the case for me!) Remember you don't need to be friends with your flatmates for your experience in halls to be a positive one. I reflect positively on my time in halls even though I didn't consider myself friends with my flatmates.

You may also find the Building a network at university article on Student Space to be helpful.

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hello, you're really not alone in worrying about making friends at university. I felt exactly the same before starting and worried that if I did not get on with my flatmates I would not have any friends. I actually ended up forming a friendship group with people on my course and their friends. If you don't click with the first people you meet that is okay and actually completely normal. Good luck with starting university, you will find your people. We also have tips on making friends and building a network at university on Student Space which you might be interested in checking out - Grace

Reply 8

Uni of Southampton Students

Official Rep

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Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hey there,
I absolutely get how you are feeling right now, it can get awkward when you are first trying to break the ice with new flatmates. I remember being so anxious about meeting mine last year - worried about whether we would get along and if we would become friends.

My advice would be to not worry too much (I know it's easier said than done). I agree with the other comments - Talking to people over text is not the same as real life. It is much easier to bond with people when you talk to them in person. I actually met most of my flatmates for the first time on the move in day. Trust me, you will have plenty of time to get to know them and bond with them!

One thing I learned is that it is important to give it time! Personally, I didn't click with my flatmates right away. When all of us first moved in, the dynamic was very different and a bit awkward, but soon we started becoming good friends once we spent some time together. Some freshers bring a box of cookies or brownies and keep it on the kitchen table when they first move in. It can be a great ice breaker/conversation starter.

You can also consider inviting your flatmates to go to some fresher events together. I invited my flatmates to go grocery shopping with me during the first week, and it ended up being a very fun way to bond.

I hope this helps, and all the best with starting university!

Thank you,
Akshita
(University of Southampton Student Rep)

(edited 1 month ago)

Reply 9

University of Bradford

Official Rep

18

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hey! How are you? 🤗

I know you've already received some great advice below, so I just thought I'd also emphasise how normal it is to feel awkward talking to people you haven't yet met, I bet everyone's feeling the same way which is probably why the conversation seems a little awkward. Once you meet in person, you'll all get to know each others true personality, as you really can't gage everything about a person just from their text messages! Once you start feeling comfortable around each other your real personalities will come out, you'll feel confident being yourself, and will each bring something new to the table! Even if someone has complete different interests to you, and has different personality traits, I'm sure you'll be able to find common ground somewhere, or you might end up finding a new hobby in something they love! It's all a part of growing and the university experience, you'll be surrounded by people completely different from you, alongside people who share similar values and interests. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but I know it's easier said than done to not feel nervous, but I'm sure your flatmates will turn into wonderful friends. And even if they don't, you'll be able to meet other people at clubs and societies, at freshers event, on your course!

Wishing you the best of luck with your uni journey! Which course will you be studying? :smile:

Becky

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi there,

I completely agree with what everyone else has been saying in that it can be completely different online compared to in real life. Some people are just not good texters or don't like texting so try not to worry too much about this! It's also quite hard to tell what peoples personalities are like over text or social media so you could just be reading the situation wrong. They might just be waiting until they see you in real life to have proper conversations!

In September when you start uni, try and organise some things with them. Go on some nights out if they want to in freshers week and this should break the ice a little bit so it is no longer awkward with them. Sometimes this is the best way to get to know each other and if you do go on nights out maybe suggest having pre drinks before at your flat as this can really break the ice too. Or, if you don't like going out, suggest going out for food somewhere, or having a games night at the flat as these things can help break the ice too and make you get to know each other better.

Try and spend time in the kitchen or other communal areas when you move in too as this is the best way to meet all of your flatmates properly and spend time with them. If you are in a flat with 4/5/6 people as you probably will be, I am sure that some of them will be spending time in the kitchen too, even if it is just to cook or eat meals so there will be people around to talk to.

Try not to put too much pressure on making friends with the. Sometime people aren't best friends with their flatmates but there are plenty of other ways to make friends. Join a society as these are great ways of meeting lots of people and making friends whilst doing something fun that you enjoy doing! Or, you will make friends with people on your course too so if you don't make friends with your flatmates it isn't the end of the world so try not to worry too much about this.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

Reply 11

University of Sunderland Student Ambassador

Official Rep

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Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

It's understandable to feel concerned if the group chat with your flatmates feels awkward, but try not to stress too much. Group chats can sometimes be tricky because it's harder to get a feel for people's personalities through text alone, especially when everyone is still getting to know each other. I'm sure it'll be different in person when you move in.

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hi there!

I totally understand how you are feeling. Trying to connect your flat mates is great to do before moving in but it also doesn't mean too much. Chatting to them and getting to know them during freshers and welcome week will be completely different, so I wouldn't worry about the awkwardness online. Some people are also not the best at replying and communicating online so I wouldn't think too much into it.😊

Don't forget you don't need to be friends with all of your flat mates. I made friends with just a couple of my flat mates and that was great for me. Remember, there are other places to make friends too such as societies and your class mates. You've got this!

I hope you have a great time starting university and make amazing friends!

Hope this helps 😊
Jakub - Fashion promotion and marketing graduate.

(edited 1 month ago)

Original post by Anonymous

I’m in a group chat with my flatmates and i’m trying to make conversation but it seems awkward and like our personalities aren’t meshing. I’m worried i won’t make friends with them in september :/

Hey,
Completely agree with the other comments in here! It is very different messaging online vs in person, but ahead of moving to uni we recommend you check out our blog post on making friends with your flat mates! 5 ways to become friends with your flatmates at uni | Student Roost

Wishing you all the best with your move to uni!
-Laura

worried my flatmates and i won’t be friends

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