Making friends in university
I’m going to university and September and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to make friends. Due to this year I have terrible trust issues with friends and I am an awkward person who overthinks situations and conversations like “did I say something wrong” or “do they not like me” if there is a slight shift in hand gesture. I don’t want to go partying like I used to because I’m not use to going to parties without people I know and I don’t want to do things I use to. I am just really scared I don’t want to be alone because I don’t do so well by myself.
Resolve to yourself that you'll use the journey to uni to reinvent yourself. So that from the moment you get there you'll be a different person.
More outgoing. Less perfectionist. Taking yourself less seriously. Taking your life less seriously.
Regardless of who you are, there will always be people that won't gel with you. That's fine. With the right inner philosophy there will always be more than enough people that will like or love you. So that all that you do is filter people in your mind and spend more time with the likers and lovers and less time with the haters. With you adopting a professional attitude towards the haters.
How good are your food shopping and cooking skills? If they're not good, give yourself an intensive self-study training course in this over the next few weeks. Do all the shopping and cooking for your family till you go to uni. Read books on nutrition. Watch videos of professional chefs and take inspiration by copying them. Invest in some decent cooking equipment, pans kitchen knives, chopping board etc.
The kitchen is the social centre in halls. Plus you can host informal dinner parties. Plus, decent food will help you to maintain your health, whilst other students let themselves get run-down.
Go to parties and other social events. Preferably with you not drinking or drinking in extreme moderation, whilst still relaxing and having a great time. Socialising and having fun with drunken people whilst being sober yourself is a great skill to have.
Let go of the pent-up angst. And your social worries.
Be happy when you're alone and happy when you're with other people.
Watch youtube videos on social skills. Read Canwell's Atomic Attraction, Argov's Why Men Love *****es, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Think of your time at uni as being a series or personal social experiments. Regardless of the outcome of the experiment, the process of carrying it out is enjoyable and fascinating.
People like people who are how they'd like to be.
With you reinventing yourself as a happy, at ease, outgoing, positive, enthusiastic, independent adult with good cooking skills, other students will gravitate towards you.
More outgoing. Less perfectionist. Taking yourself less seriously. Taking your life less seriously.
Regardless of who you are, there will always be people that won't gel with you. That's fine. With the right inner philosophy there will always be more than enough people that will like or love you. So that all that you do is filter people in your mind and spend more time with the likers and lovers and less time with the haters. With you adopting a professional attitude towards the haters.
How good are your food shopping and cooking skills? If they're not good, give yourself an intensive self-study training course in this over the next few weeks. Do all the shopping and cooking for your family till you go to uni. Read books on nutrition. Watch videos of professional chefs and take inspiration by copying them. Invest in some decent cooking equipment, pans kitchen knives, chopping board etc.
The kitchen is the social centre in halls. Plus you can host informal dinner parties. Plus, decent food will help you to maintain your health, whilst other students let themselves get run-down.
Go to parties and other social events. Preferably with you not drinking or drinking in extreme moderation, whilst still relaxing and having a great time. Socialising and having fun with drunken people whilst being sober yourself is a great skill to have.
Let go of the pent-up angst. And your social worries.
Be happy when you're alone and happy when you're with other people.
Watch youtube videos on social skills. Read Canwell's Atomic Attraction, Argov's Why Men Love *****es, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Think of your time at uni as being a series or personal social experiments. Regardless of the outcome of the experiment, the process of carrying it out is enjoyable and fascinating.
People like people who are how they'd like to be.
With you reinventing yourself as a happy, at ease, outgoing, positive, enthusiastic, independent adult with good cooking skills, other students will gravitate towards you.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m going to university and September and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to make friends. Due to this year I have terrible trust issues with friends and I am an awkward person who overthinks situations and conversations like “did I say something wrong” or “do they not like me” if there is a slight shift in hand gesture. I don’t want to go partying like I used to because I’m not use to going to parties without people I know and I don’t want to do things I use to. I am just really scared I don’t want to be alone because I don’t do so well by myself.
Hello,
Firstly I just want to clear up and say that it is perfectly normal to be feeling the way you are about transitioning to university, I felt the exact same way as you did and I can promise you that 99% of people in your shoes are feeling the same. Ironically, the fears of making new friends can be the first conversation starter you have at university, which can lead to you making a new friend there and then.
It is a stereotype that parties and nights out at university are the only ways to be social, and this is certainly NOT the case. Throughout your new institutions welcome week (A.K.A Freshers week), there will be tones of opportunities to be social outside of nights out. For example, when I was in welcome week at Salford the accommodation team hosted movie nights, the students union hosted quiz nights and the societies put on a big fair to advertise all the different societies on offer. Each of these events were a great place to mingle with new students and create friendships.
You also have your course; the majority of my friendship group at university were from the course I studied and I met them in our first seminar, where ice breaker activities seem to take up a lot of the session. Another perfect way to make friendships.
One big bit of advice, bring the tea and coffee if it is and accommodation you are moving into. Seems to be a common thing that students forget to bring, but a great icebreaker to your new flatmates to 'offer them a cuppa'.
I do hope this helps ease those nerves and I hope you manage to settle in to your new university life. Like I mentioned at the beginning it is perfectly normal to be nervous, but try and be excited as well.
All the best,
Matt ~ Uni of Salford Rep
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Resolve to yourself that you'll use the journey to uni to reinvent yourself. So that from the moment you get there you'll be a different person.
More outgoing. Less perfectionist. Taking yourself less seriously. Taking your life less seriously.
Regardless of who you are, there will always be people that won't gel with you. That's fine. With the right inner philosophy there will always be more than enough people that will like or love you. So that all that you do is filter people in your mind and spend more time with the likers and lovers and less time with the haters. With you adopting a professional attitude towards the haters.
How good are your food shopping and cooking skills? If they're not good, give yourself an intensive self-study training course in this over the next few weeks. Do all the shopping and cooking for your family till you go to uni. Read books on nutrition. Watch videos of professional chefs and take inspiration by copying them. Invest in some decent cooking equipment, pans kitchen knives, chopping board etc.
The kitchen is the social centre in halls. Plus you can host informal dinner parties. Plus, decent food will help you to maintain your health, whilst other students let themselves get run-down.
Go to parties and other social events. Preferably with you not drinking or drinking in extreme moderation, whilst still relaxing and having a great time. Socialising and having fun with drunken people whilst being sober yourself is a great skill to have.
Let go of the pent-up angst. And your social worries.
Be happy when you're alone and happy when you're with other people.
Watch youtube videos on social skills. Read Canwell's Atomic Attraction, Argov's Why Men Love *****es, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Think of your time at uni as being a series or personal social experiments. Regardless of the outcome of the experiment, the process of carrying it out is enjoyable and fascinating.
People like people who are how they'd like to be.
With you reinventing yourself as a happy, at ease, outgoing, positive, enthusiastic, independent adult with good cooking skills, other students will gravitate towards you.
More outgoing. Less perfectionist. Taking yourself less seriously. Taking your life less seriously.
Regardless of who you are, there will always be people that won't gel with you. That's fine. With the right inner philosophy there will always be more than enough people that will like or love you. So that all that you do is filter people in your mind and spend more time with the likers and lovers and less time with the haters. With you adopting a professional attitude towards the haters.
How good are your food shopping and cooking skills? If they're not good, give yourself an intensive self-study training course in this over the next few weeks. Do all the shopping and cooking for your family till you go to uni. Read books on nutrition. Watch videos of professional chefs and take inspiration by copying them. Invest in some decent cooking equipment, pans kitchen knives, chopping board etc.
The kitchen is the social centre in halls. Plus you can host informal dinner parties. Plus, decent food will help you to maintain your health, whilst other students let themselves get run-down.
Go to parties and other social events. Preferably with you not drinking or drinking in extreme moderation, whilst still relaxing and having a great time. Socialising and having fun with drunken people whilst being sober yourself is a great skill to have.
Let go of the pent-up angst. And your social worries.
Be happy when you're alone and happy when you're with other people.
Watch youtube videos on social skills. Read Canwell's Atomic Attraction, Argov's Why Men Love *****es, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Think of your time at uni as being a series or personal social experiments. Regardless of the outcome of the experiment, the process of carrying it out is enjoyable and fascinating.
People like people who are how they'd like to be.
With you reinventing yourself as a happy, at ease, outgoing, positive, enthusiastic, independent adult with good cooking skills, other students will gravitate towards you.
Thank you so much, this helped so much. I do need to practice cooking 😬 haha thank you!
Original post by University of Salford
Hello,
Firstly I just want to clear up and say that it is perfectly normal to be feeling the way you are about transitioning to university, I felt the exact same way as you did and I can promise you that 99% of people in your shoes are feeling the same. Ironically, the fears of making new friends can be the first conversation starter you have at university, which can lead to you making a new friend there and then.
It is a stereotype that parties and nights out at university are the only ways to be social, and this is certainly NOT the case. Throughout your new institutions welcome week (A.K.A Freshers week), there will be tones of opportunities to be social outside of nights out. For example, when I was in welcome week at Salford the accommodation team hosted movie nights, the students union hosted quiz nights and the societies put on a big fair to advertise all the different societies on offer. Each of these events were a great place to mingle with new students and create friendships.
You also have your course; the majority of my friendship group at university were from the course I studied and I met them in our first seminar, where ice breaker activities seem to take up a lot of the session. Another perfect way to make friendships.
One big bit of advice, bring the tea and coffee if it is and accommodation you are moving into. Seems to be a common thing that students forget to bring, but a great icebreaker to your new flatmates to 'offer them a cuppa'.
I do hope this helps ease those nerves and I hope you manage to settle in to your new university life. Like I mentioned at the beginning it is perfectly normal to be nervous, but try and be excited as well.
All the best,
Matt ~ Uni of Salford Rep
Firstly I just want to clear up and say that it is perfectly normal to be feeling the way you are about transitioning to university, I felt the exact same way as you did and I can promise you that 99% of people in your shoes are feeling the same. Ironically, the fears of making new friends can be the first conversation starter you have at university, which can lead to you making a new friend there and then.
It is a stereotype that parties and nights out at university are the only ways to be social, and this is certainly NOT the case. Throughout your new institutions welcome week (A.K.A Freshers week), there will be tones of opportunities to be social outside of nights out. For example, when I was in welcome week at Salford the accommodation team hosted movie nights, the students union hosted quiz nights and the societies put on a big fair to advertise all the different societies on offer. Each of these events were a great place to mingle with new students and create friendships.
You also have your course; the majority of my friendship group at university were from the course I studied and I met them in our first seminar, where ice breaker activities seem to take up a lot of the session. Another perfect way to make friendships.
One big bit of advice, bring the tea and coffee if it is and accommodation you are moving into. Seems to be a common thing that students forget to bring, but a great icebreaker to your new flatmates to 'offer them a cuppa'.
I do hope this helps ease those nerves and I hope you manage to settle in to your new university life. Like I mentioned at the beginning it is perfectly normal to be nervous, but try and be excited as well.
All the best,
Matt ~ Uni of Salford Rep
Haha thank you so much, that’s quite funny the irony that you can make friends by you both being nervous, I appreciate it!
In this thread you're coming over as someone that's very much got the right foundation for having a great time at uni and a great life beyond that. With you being warm, with good manners and considerate to others.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m going to university and September and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to make friends. Due to this year I have terrible trust issues with friends and I am an awkward person who overthinks situations and conversations like “did I say something wrong” or “do they not like me” if there is a slight shift in hand gesture. I don’t want to go partying like I used to because I’m not use to going to parties without people I know and I don’t want to do things I use to. I am just really scared I don’t want to be alone because I don’t do so well by myself.
Hiya! It's completely valid to be experiencing these worries and I'm sure it'll resonate with a lot of other freshers too. You may find the Building a network at university and Why uncertainty can be stressful articles on Student Space helpful 🧡
Original post by Anonymous
I’m going to university and September and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to make friends. Due to this year I have terrible trust issues with friends and I am an awkward person who overthinks situations and conversations like “did I say something wrong” or “do they not like me” if there is a slight shift in hand gesture. I don’t want to go partying like I used to because I’m not use to going to parties without people I know and I don’t want to do things I use to. I am just really scared I don’t want to be alone because I don’t do so well by myself.
Nice to meet you, my name is Siobhan. I’m a 3rd year student at UCLAN and it’s so great that reached out!
To be completely honest, I was completely in the same boat as you when starting uni and there’s so many others who will be thinking the same too. You’re not alone in what you’re going through 😊
I want to assure you that there will be so many opportunities for you to reach out and meet so many types of people when you’re in uni! Take a look at societies and try and go out to freshers when starting, and if that seems like too much then all of this info should be available online too on your uni website 😄
There will be so many different societies and clubs such as sports, cultural societies, games etc that could be good for you and you don’t just have to stick to one. You can go at your own pace and do whatever you’re most comfortable with, no pressure at all! ⚽️👾🌏
Also, not everyone in university is for the party life. There is no expectation at all for you to do what makes you uncomfortable at all! I spent my first year in more movie nights than party nights 🎬🎥 So please don’t pressure yourself at all to do what you don’t like!
If you feel as though you are really struggling with anxiety when starting uni, I would recommend to try and reach out to your university wellbeing team as I did this in first year and it really helped me 😊
I hope this helps at all and please let me know if you have any more questions at all.
Siobhan (3rd year physiotherapy student at UCLAN)
Original post by Anonymous
I’m going to university and September and I’m so scared I’m not going to be able to make friends. Due to this year I have terrible trust issues with friends and I am an awkward person who overthinks situations and conversations like “did I say something wrong” or “do they not like me” if there is a slight shift in hand gesture. I don’t want to go partying like I used to because I’m not use to going to parties without people I know and I don’t want to do things I use to. I am just really scared I don’t want to be alone because I don’t do so well by myself.
I feel you. But I've always heard my parents say that the uni friends are actually your lifetime frds! In fact, my parents' friends are the one standing beside them whenever needed. Don't be nervous.
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