Feeling lonely in my 2nd year of uni
Hi, I’m currently about to reach my 3rd year of uni already. And I have been feeling really off since the last semester of my 2nd year. I’ve never really felt lonely before, but I have definitely felt it recently. The thing is, during my first year I had 2 best friends, but now I don’t feel that connected or close to them anymore, even though we still talk. I did some introspection and realized that I needed more friends and more connection in my life to feel fulfilled and happy. I’m probably an ambivert. Anyways, I have tried joining clubs (choir, environmental club) because those are my interests. But 2 years and I have not found a single friend there. Mainly because in choir when people are done singing they just went home. And in environmental club they have activities only like once per 2 months. And I don’t click with anyone in my major. I don’t know what I should do? I am currently attending an university in Finland. I want to get better and improve my social life, but I don’t know where to start. Should I try going to different clubs?
Reply 1
I am in the exact same position.
I never had a lot of friends, but over the last year in university, I had an extremely painful and traumatic episode with my second-best friend, which resulted in me and her not interacting anymore. This had the effect of tearing apart my mental health. In the second year, I just had no time for any clubs and societies at all. Like you, I want to have more friends and, especially, be in a relationship, as I feel incomplete without it. But this is made difficult by severe social anxiety resulting from severe trauma in the past.
To mitigate this, the first thing I did was address the root cause of my problems. This resulted in me being booked for a course of CBT and a suspicion I had C-PTSD.
For the third year, I found two exciting societies I could join. One of them was a large biology society, and the other was a high-intensity sport called lifesaving.
So yes, first identify what is causing your problems. Are you anxious about meeting new people? Do you have social anxiety? I have personally seen the terrible effect this has on me, dozens of times.
Second, carry on and try joining a few new clubs to align with your interests with the intention of meeting new people
I never had a lot of friends, but over the last year in university, I had an extremely painful and traumatic episode with my second-best friend, which resulted in me and her not interacting anymore. This had the effect of tearing apart my mental health. In the second year, I just had no time for any clubs and societies at all. Like you, I want to have more friends and, especially, be in a relationship, as I feel incomplete without it. But this is made difficult by severe social anxiety resulting from severe trauma in the past.
To mitigate this, the first thing I did was address the root cause of my problems. This resulted in me being booked for a course of CBT and a suspicion I had C-PTSD.
For the third year, I found two exciting societies I could join. One of them was a large biology society, and the other was a high-intensity sport called lifesaving.
So yes, first identify what is causing your problems. Are you anxious about meeting new people? Do you have social anxiety? I have personally seen the terrible effect this has on me, dozens of times.
Second, carry on and try joining a few new clubs to align with your interests with the intention of meeting new people
Reply 2
Original post
by conradwillHi, I’m currently about to reach my 3rd year of uni already. And I have been feeling really off since the last semester of my 2nd year. I’ve never really felt lonely before, but I have definitely felt it recently. The thing is, during my first year I had 2 best friends, but now I don’t feel that connected or close to them anymore, even though we still talk. I did some introspection and realized that I needed more friends and more connection in my life to feel fulfilled and happy. I’m probably an ambivert. Anyways, I have tried joining clubs (choir, environmental club) because those are my interests. But 2 years and I have not found a single friend there. Mainly because in choir when people are done singing they just went home. And in environmental club they have activities only like once per 2 months. And I don’t click with anyone in my major. I don’t know what I should do? I am currently attending an university in Finland. I want to get better and improve my social life, but I don’t know where to start. Should I try going to different clubs?
Hi @conradwill
I am sorry to hear you haven't been feeling at your best during your uni studies. Although it may seem daunting, I would try new clubs and societies until you find people that fit well with you. I know it may appear that other people find it really easy to find their group of friends at uni but lots of people struggle. Unis are big places with lots of different individuals and it can take time to connect with the same people as you. I would keep trying and also maybe think about looking into some wellbeing services at your uni as they may be able to point you in the direction of other people having similar experiences. Good luck!
Reply 3
Original post
by conradwillHi, I’m currently about to reach my 3rd year of uni already. And I have been feeling really off since the last semester of my 2nd year. I’ve never really felt lonely before, but I have definitely felt it recently. The thing is, during my first year I had 2 best friends, but now I don’t feel that connected or close to them anymore, even though we still talk. I did some introspection and realized that I needed more friends and more connection in my life to feel fulfilled and happy. I’m probably an ambivert. Anyways, I have tried joining clubs (choir, environmental club) because those are my interests. But 2 years and I have not found a single friend there. Mainly because in choir when people are done singing they just went home. And in environmental club they have activities only like once per 2 months. And I don’t click with anyone in my major. I don’t know what I should do? I am currently attending an university in Finland. I want to get better and improve my social life, but I don’t know where to start. Should I try going to different clubs?
There is group on line Called Meet up that run lots of activities some are on line but some not and meet regular in person walks pubs ect type Meetup and look in your area they are quite goo
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Advice on University Decisions
- lonely 3rd year
- lonely at uni
- Lonely in Durham Uni
- Feeling so lonely
- Making uni friends
- KCL: teaching quality, facilities, career services, legal clinic
- no friend group in sixth form
- What was everyone's first year Uni experience like?
- Struggling to make friends
- lamda 25/26
- Worried I chose the wrong uni
- Lonely in student halls?
- No friends, moving into uni flats in third year
- Extremely lonely
- Uni Advice?
- Struggling at uni of reading
- attending city university
- started sixth form after 3 years of home education and I feel incredibly lonely
- Dropping out of uni and reapplying for same course elsewhere
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 months ago
Laptop vs iPad for universityLast reply 3 months ago
living away from home for university- pros / cons, advice ?University life
15
15
Last reply 3 months ago
Should I Appeal an Academic Misconduct Finding at a UK University?Last reply 3 months ago
Will I be an outcast in uni if I don’t use social media?University life
14
14
How The Student Room is moderated
To keep The Student Room safe for everyone, we moderate posts that are added to the site.
