look i get what ure all saying and
1) thx for the reply always appreciate it 🙂 . will always try to follow suggestions ofc and thank u for putting your time in to replies. its really lovely to know that there are people out there who are kind enough to give me their time and audience so again , thank u <3
(sorry if this next part sounds rude)
2) its not that easy to just 'stop' telling myself i cant make friends and / or just try to talk to other people, u think i havent even done that several times and its just fallen flat on my face? ive changed schools 4-5 times from when i was 7- almost 17 and during those periods ive always talked and met new people, ive traveled on occasion to new contries and stayed there for years even in my native one but i just cant make and keep long lasting relationships; people lose intrest in me or i them and i just cant get attached. couple that with the fact that my parents were just additional factors to my own self hate and isolation, leading to depression and tones of anxiety, it just became harder and harder to do so , it was always grades before friends and hell they even took my device away when i had whatsapp (at around 13). Even the few groups of aquaintences i did make found me as weird, off putting, i remained silent in most convos even when i tried to understand but failed at that . one time when i moved to the uk at 13 i was bullied and isolated a whole lot , the isolation especially by the friends i did make so that added a whole nother layer of trying to please people or just not trusting them anymore or being afraid to open up. then this move to a new area just cut me off again from the one person i did have to be a friend and now i cant connect with anyone coz yk it was the end of secondary school and a-levels are just for 2 years and people will already be with friends they already had and im still trying to adjust
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look what im trying to say, coz im bad at putting most of my thoughts into words and i feel like most of this is just me dumoing some of my life story on there that may or maynot be relevant whic i am so so so sorry for coz i just wanted to i guess give u an insight from where im coming from, is that this lack of friendships has been apart of most of my life for alomst 5 years now and even if i try nothing seems to work, thats all i was trying to say. and yes i hate my self to bare bones but im not trying to degrade myself or add in negativity when i feel its become factual.
do u get what im trying to say or no?
im not the best at this sorry