Older man
This is going to sound really weird but I have a crush on my optometrist. He's a lot older than me - not sure how old but maybe early/ late 30s and I really want to hook up with him but the problem is I'm 18 - I know I'm legal but I'm a virgin and I'm quite younger than him. I've seen him around in my area quite a few times and he's always been alone but I've always been with my family/ someone else whenever I see him!! Neither of us acknowledge each others presence when we have seen each other out of the optometry because obviously I've been with my family. I went on my optometry website and found list of staff and his name came up. I was thinking of contacting him through linked in or something but I'm not sure if that's weird - I only said LinkedIn because it's seen as more professional!
What should I do?
What should I do?
Scroll to see replies
Don't contact him. It's unprofessional.
Don't do anything. He's a professional in a position of responsibility and isn't allowed to get involved with patients.
The College of Optometrists states:
The College of Optometrists states:
•
You are in a position of trust with your patients and their carers, and you must not abuse that professional position.
•
Sexual or inappropriate emotional relationships with current or former patients are likely to cross professional boundaries.
Original post by Anonymous
Don't contact him. It's unprofessional.
How come? I'm 18 so I'm of legal and he's not my direct optometrist
Original post by Surnia
Don't do anything. He's a professional in a position of responsibility and isn't allowed to get involved with patients.
The College of Optometrists states:
The College of Optometrists states:
•
You are in a position of trust with your patients and their carers, and you must not abuse that professional position.
•
Sexual or inappropriate emotional relationships with current or former patients are likely to cross professional boundaries.
He's not my direct optometrist, he just works in that specific branch. Would this rule still apply if I changed branches or left that specific optometrist completely?? I really want to reach out to him!
Original post by Anonymous
How come? I'm 18 so I'm of legal and he's not my direct optometrist
Because:
A) the relationship is one of a medic and a patient. This is not Tinder.
B) You're already around 20 years younger than him. That is a huge age and maturity difference. You might be legal but he could be seen as taking advantage of you even if you hadn't met through optometry. You're barely an adult and he could be your dad. So what if you have a crush? It would be inappropriate for him to respond to you so don't put him in that situation.
I don't know why I should have to explain this as it's obvious even you are aware of how much a no-no this is, even by posting this.
Original post by Anonymous
This is going to sound really weird but I have a crush on my optometrist. He's a lot older than me - not sure how old but maybe early/ late 30s and I really want to hook up with him but the problem is I'm 18 - I know I'm legal but I'm a virgin and I'm quite younger than him. I've seen him around in my area quite a few times and he's always been alone but I've always been with my family/ someone else whenever I see him!! Neither of us acknowledge each others presence when we have seen each other out of the optometry because obviously I've been with my family. I went on my optometry website and found list of staff and his name came up. I was thinking of contacting him through linked in or something but I'm not sure if that's weird - I only said LinkedIn because it's seen as more professional!
What should I do?
What should I do?
Hi Please don't go there. Look for someone your own age.
Take it from me the crush will eventually fade.
Original post by Anonymous
He's not my direct optometrist, he just works in that specific branch. Would this rule still apply if I changed branches or left that specific optometrist completely?? I really want to reach out to him!
Read the rules; you'd then be a former patient and a relationship still isn't allowed!
You're wanting a hook-up with someone about 20 years older that you basically you know nothing about; why? That approach isn't a basis for any kind of involvement and comes across as lacking discernment and judgement.
Bump
Original post by Angel 757
Hi Please don't go there. Look for someone your own age.
Take it from me the crush will eventually fade.
Take it from me the crush will eventually fade.
Well I don't like guys my age and I can go for whoever I want
Original post by Anonymous
Well I don't like guys my age and I can go for whoever I want
Yes as long as this guy isn't in a relationship. His girlfriend won't like you trying to make a move on her man.
The chances are you will get seriously hurt.
Time to rethink the situation, isn't it?
Original post by Anonymous
Well I don't like guys my age and I can go for whoever I want
You can but the optometrist can’t. Unless they fancy binning their career for someone crushing on them.
Original post by Angel 757
Yes as long as this guy isn't in a relationship. His girlfriend won't like you trying to make a move on her man.
The chances are you will get seriously hurt.
Time to rethink the situation, isn't it?
The chances are you will get seriously hurt.
Time to rethink the situation, isn't it?
I'm not sure if hes single or taken but the only way to find out would be if I send him a private message to get a general feel for his stance or I could ask him in person but that would probably be while he's at work and I would not want to do that while hes working.
Why do you say the chances are that I could get hurt? I know of some girls my age who have had hookups with guys much older than them and its let to nothing more than that. It's just been sex
Original post by Admit-One
You can but the optometrist can’t. Unless they fancy binning their career for someone crushing on them.
He's not directly my optometrist though. Plus I might be transferring to a completely new optometrist for university next month. Also I dont want to be in a serious relationship with him or anything, I just want to hookup
Original post by Anonymous
He's not directly my optometrist though. Plus I might be transferring to a completely new optometrist for university next month. Also I dont want to be in a serious relationship with him or anything, I just want to hookup
What is so hard to understand? He could face disciplinary action if it was found that he was having relations with a former patient.
Leaving aside that he’s professionally forbidden from dating patients, it’s also questionable if he is available and interested. Don’t message him on LinkedIn, it’s not a dating app. There is not just one adorable guy, there are many, and I would recommend looking for a more straightforward alternative
Original post by Anonymous
What is so hard to understand? He could face disciplinary action if it was found that he was having relations with a former patient.
I keep having to repeat myself - I'm not his direct patient and I've never had a consultation with me. He just happens to work in that specific optical branch. I might even be discharged from their service now that I'm 18 and anyway I'm moving to a completely different city for university anyway so our ties are cut completely - I really dont see why everyone's making such a big deal of everything
Original post by Anonymous
I keep having to repeat myself - I'm not his direct patient and I've never had a consultation with me. He just happens to work in that specific optical branch. I might even be discharged from their service now that I'm 18 and anyway I'm moving to a completely different city for university anyway so our ties are cut completely - I really dont see why everyone's making such a big deal of everything
It's not all about you though, is it?!? As others have repeatedly said, he could be the one who faces a lot of stress / headache as a result... as he will be the bad guy in all this; regardless of who pursues who. Fair enough, maybe you're not in direct appointments with him, but he could be involved in your case behind the scenes (e.g meetings / discussions reports etc. with other consultants).
For example, My brother is a doctor in Ireland, and he told me about how one of his friends / colleagues who was a randy f**ker (literally lol), and he was having hook-ups with one of his patients, who then went a bit psycho on him. For his own safety and well being, he reported the relationship. After going through all the formal legal proceedings, he then had his case reviewed by the relevant medical council / body. Long story short, it transpired the ONLY reason he wasn't struck off was that he was the one who reported it.. and that was only because she went crazy on him.
(edited 3 weeks ago)
Original post by Zarek
Leaving aside that he’s professionally forbidden from dating patients, it’s also questionable if he is available and interested. Don’t message him on LinkedIn, it’s not a dating app. There is not just one adorable guy, there are many, and I would recommend looking for a more straightforward alternative
Why would it be questionable if he was interested? We are both legally consenting adults - I really don't see whats wrong with this. Theres no other platform for me to message him on - I thought LinkedIn would be the most professional and indirect way of communicating as opposed to something more private or friendly like instagram. Well there is no straightforward alternative in my life at the moment - I don't really want to take chances not to try something if you know what I mean
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