The Student Room Group

Lost for confidence and what to do, uni

in an ideal world I would really like to start uni this year and its something i've been building up to for a loong time. I've been working and travelling for the past few years however uni has always been my goal and something i've wanted to do eventually.

i'm very passionate about my subject however I'm trying to decide between 3 unis. I am super indecisive and tend to change my mind based on how i feel so thats really not been helping. I get anxious thinking about living away from home (even tho I love visting places and travelling) as I have my bf, and family here so I feel really guilty about leaving them. One of the unis is closer to home and such a nice city, but there are aspects of the other two uni courses that I prefer. Is it realistic that I could visit home often if I was 2 hours away?
I'm really lacking confidence and I know this is something that I need to do but I just cant bring myself to do it. I get anxiety and what I think is undiagnosed autism(?) so that is making things way harder lol. does anyone have any advice? ;-;
Uni does put a lot of strain on long distance relationships. It's quite common to see people come to uni being in relationships with people back home and break up shortly after. From what I've seen it's generally the people with very strong relationships who tend to be able to do this so if it was anything meaningful it would have made it basically. It's pretty brutal sometimes but most would agree it's for the best at the end of the day.

To be honest my advice would be not to consider your boyfriend or your family unless you are caring for them in some way. Your family is always gonna be there. You've grown up with them for ages (I'm assuming you're at least 18) and after 3 years you can be back anyways.

As for feeling guilty - don't. It's only 3 years of your life and you are doing something quite useful. Degrees used correctly can give you access to loads of really good oppurtunities and accelerate your career. Additionally, there are 2 million-ish students currently enrolled at uni and a bet a large majority of the parents and parters of them don't think they are a POS for leaving them for a bit to go to uni so chances are you probably aren't either.

It kind of depends on what course you take that dictates how much you get to go home. If you have a lighter workload you might be able to go home more often. Choosing between the uni's will be a very personal decision. You will have to decide whether you value the experience of living in a nice city or the course more. If I were you I'd research what the cities are like and how they compare. Also consider how much work you will have. If you are on a really busy degree you might not be able to see the city a huge amount and you will spend a lot more time on your course so you might decide that the course is more important in the end.

As somebody who was basically a hermit crab I too was very scared from living away from home. At the end of the day you are going to move out at some point. If not now, it will be later and uni is a great time to experience this and pick up some new life skills. As for many people it might be a bit crap at first however, in the end a large majority of people end up really enjoying uni. I know I was definitely terrified of moving away from home at first but eventually you settle in and most people agree it's really good fun.

My opinion if it matters is Brexit. Get out and go uni. If a severly ret4rded and autistic guy like me can live away from home and make friends you definitely can too.

Feel free to ask me any other questions. I'm more than happy to help.
Original post by Anonymous
in an ideal world I would really like to start uni this year and its something i've been building up to for a loong time. I've been working and travelling for the past few years however uni has always been my goal and something i've wanted to do eventually.
i'm very passionate about my subject however I'm trying to decide between 3 unis. I am super indecisive and tend to change my mind based on how i feel so thats really not been helping. I get anxious thinking about living away from home (even tho I love visting places and travelling) as I have my bf, and family here so I feel really guilty about leaving them. One of the unis is closer to home and such a nice city, but there are aspects of the other two uni courses that I prefer. Is it realistic that I could visit home often if I was 2 hours away?
I'm really lacking confidence and I know this is something that I need to do but I just cant bring myself to do it. I get anxiety and what I think is undiagnosed autism(?) so that is making things way harder lol. does anyone have any advice? ;-;

Hi Anon,

My name is Gabby - hopefully I can give you some reassurance because I was in exactly the same boat as you when I started university (I especially struggled to adjust during my 1st year), but now I am thriving and looking forward to going into my final year!

The first step is to have a goal as this shows that you have passion and motivation towards it, everything else just takes a little thinking and planning!

What subject are you thinking of studying and what universities are you considering? If the University of Kent is one of them I can certainly give you some insight as to what Kent is like.

There's a lot to think about when deciding on a university, and I can totally understand why you might be indecisive! Here's some things you might want to consider and compare to help with your decision:

Do you like the modules offered for your subject and is there a good level of flexibility/choice?

Do you like the method of assessment? Is it mostly coursework? Exam based? Practicals?

Does the course have good career prospects? Does the university have a good careers department?

Do you like the accommodation? Is it close enough to home for you to visit when you like?

Do you like the campus? Can you see yourself living there? Have you visited on an open day?

Do you like the social life the campus offers and the nearby town?

Does the university offer a range of activities and events like societies for you to explore hobbies?


It sounds like you've already done some thinking, and while I totally understand why you may want to stay closer to home, I would say the course is the most important thing to consider so continue to look at the other 2 courses!

It's definitely natural to feel anxious about moving away from home, especially if you already have anxiety already. I definitely felt homesick during my 1st year, so visited home a lot (every weekend!) until I settled in, it just takes some adjustment time. It's definitely doable, so don't let your anxiety hold you back, especially because universities understand this is a key problem students face.

As another poster said, it's natural for you to feel guilty, but please don't! Your family and loved ones want to see you happy and progress, and it's not like you are abandoning them, you will certainly see them when terms end, sometimes during reading weeks, and after all, you can keep in touch via phone and video call.

In terms of whether it's realistic being 2 hours away, it entirely depends on your energy levels, desire to see home and ultimately your timetable, but it definitely can work. I went to Kent which is an 1h 40 train ride from my home and went home every Friday evening and travelled back every Monday, which meant I had the weekend to still have my home life, so it's just how much a similar routine would suit your current life and set up.

Universities will definitely be able to support with mental health and should be able to put some reasonable adjustments in place without diagnosis, so make sure you talk to your university and be open about your needs so you can be best supported to succeed.

I really hope this helps, it's not always an easy ride and you might have a bumpy start, but it's totally worth it and you'll realise that when you come out of the other side - take that from someone who has multiple disabilities and anxiety and is so sad to be ending her university journey this year. Let me know if you have any further questions.

Best of luck, you got this!
Gabby :smile:
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
in an ideal world I would really like to start uni this year and its something i've been building up to for a loong time. I've been working and travelling for the past few years however uni has always been my goal and something i've wanted to do eventually.
i'm very passionate about my subject however I'm trying to decide between 3 unis. I am super indecisive and tend to change my mind based on how i feel so thats really not been helping. I get anxious thinking about living away from home (even tho I love visting places and travelling) as I have my bf, and family here so I feel really guilty about leaving them. One of the unis is closer to home and such a nice city, but there are aspects of the other two uni courses that I prefer. Is it realistic that I could visit home often if I was 2 hours away?
I'm really lacking confidence and I know this is something that I need to do but I just cant bring myself to do it. I get anxiety and what I think is undiagnosed autism(?) so that is making things way harder lol. does anyone have any advice? ;-;

You can study any degree of your choice at The Open University. You can study full time, part time or even less.
Original post by Anonymous
in an ideal world I would really like to start uni this year and its something i've been building up to for a loong time. I've been working and travelling for the past few years however uni has always been my goal and something i've wanted to do eventually.
i'm very passionate about my subject however I'm trying to decide between 3 unis. I am super indecisive and tend to change my mind based on how i feel so thats really not been helping. I get anxious thinking about living away from home (even tho I love visting places and travelling) as I have my bf, and family here so I feel really guilty about leaving them. One of the unis is closer to home and such a nice city, but there are aspects of the other two uni courses that I prefer. Is it realistic that I could visit home often if I was 2 hours away?
I'm really lacking confidence and I know this is something that I need to do but I just cant bring myself to do it. I get anxiety and what I think is undiagnosed autism(?) so that is making things way harder lol. does anyone have any advice? ;-;

Hi there,

Choosing which university to go to and moving away from home can be hard, and lots of people will be feeling the same way so try not to worry too much about this as there are things you can do to make the decision easier.

The best thing to do, if you haven't already, is to go to some open days and see which one you like the most when you are looking around them. This can make your decision easier and sometimes when you get a good feel for a place, it can make your mind up straight away. You could also bring your boyfriend and family with you to visit so they can see what it's like too and this might help you to feel better about the decision to move away from home. I also agree with what has been said that you can't base your decision on other people as you will be the only one who is getting the degree! So, try and make sure the decision is made solely for you and what your best interests are. You shouldn't feel guilty for making the decision that best suits you so don't feel upset or guilty for this decision, your family will support you no matter what.

The course is a big part of university, as this is what is going to get you your degree at the end of the day! If you prefer certain things about one course, this should be a big factor in deciding which university you choose. It depends how much you prefer the course, but things like assessment types and modules are big reasons to choose a university. Make sure you have a thorough look through the course description for each university.

Two hours away is not too far at all to visit home if you want to go home for a weekend. Or, it's not far for people to come up and visit you which might be nice too! If there are good train/transport links, this shouldn't be a problem at all so don't let this affect your decision.

I also agree that there are lots of support teams at university so make sure you utilise these if you fee you need any help or support during your time at uni. The wellbeing team will be there for you if you need it so don't ever feel afraid to reach out if you need help.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador 🙂

Quick Reply