My uni flatmate is obsessed with me and its scaring me
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
This sounds so scary - I think at this point you might need to tell the uni what’s been happening, so that at least when you get there you can have some support or they already know about the situation.
A restraining order would solve the problem. Contact uni administration and see whether it's possible. This goes beyond social awkwardness. Devious intentions only.
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
I'm sorry to hear all this. He's gone way over the line of acceptable behaviour. It might be because he's awkward, or somewhere on the spectrum, but regardless of the reason it's been way, way OTT.
Is there a safeguarding or campus safety team that you could speak to? I appreciate it may be awkward and you might be concerned about escalating things, but I really do think he needs some official feedback about his behaviour. He clearly hasn't clocked how innaproriate he's been, or how it's made you feel.
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Sorry to hear about the difficult situation- I agree with @Admit-One's advice regarding speaking to a safeguarding/safety team on campus if there is one. You could let him know directly how his behaviour is making you feel, however I understand the apprehension with this as he is an "unknown" with regard to how he would respond. If the situation continues or escalates and you continue to feel unsafe, you may want to report the situation to the police. I do hope that the situation gets better and you have a good start to University
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Hi there,
I am sorry you are going through this, I am not surprised you are worried about this.
This sounds like it has gone past the realm of someone being excited to met their flatmates, so I would agree that you should talk to your university about thus and tell them how you are feeling and that you are worried about them talking to you so often and saying things that they are saying. If you have the messages saved, you will be able to show them this too so they can see that it is serious.
Your university and accommodation will have a duty of care to you and because of safeguarding rules, they will have to do something help you with this. They will probably talk to him and he may not realise how he is being so he might change his behaviour and stop talking to you. Or, your uni will put something more serious in place if they feel it is needed.
Make sure you keep talking to your uni about this when you get to uni and keep them updated if anything is making you feel worried at all as they will be there to help you so it is worth talking to them and making sure they know what is going on and how you feel as this is the best way for them to help you. Even if you feel a bit worried too do this or if you feel bad, it is important you still tell them as it is important that you feel safe and happy at university.
I hope some of this helps,
Lucy -SHU student ambassador.
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Hi 👋
Sorry to hear that this has happened to you.
I feel that this has now gone past the point of trying to make friends with people before university and is becoming more inappropriate, I would speak to your University accommodation team/ support team to see how they can best support you as you don't want this situation continuing into the start of term because it could lead to your university experience being disrupted further.
I hope this helps,
Matt
Wrexham Uni Reps
Original post by Anonymous
Not really sure where else to post this / which section so forgive me if I’m wrong.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Recently, I got given my accommodation allocation for my first year or university. I of course was super excited and immediately ran to try and meet some of my flatmates. It took a while but eventually I found a boy who I’ll call Luke.
Luke joined the searching chats I was in to also try and find her roommates. He was pretty annoying off the bat in the chat. Always intruding on conversations that didn’t involve him, making offhand inappropriate remarks, sending unnecessary selfies and life updates to an accommodation chat. Annoying, but harmless.
When we learned we were in the same accommodation, I was initially excited to just find anyone. So we started talking in private messages for a bit.
Off the cuff, I probably should’ve realised he was getting a bit too attached to me. He began messaging me every single morning to say good morning, every single night to say goodnight, and every single day in between to give me an exact update of his day to day. He asked me if I was willing to go to the cinema with just him when we first arrived which made me pretty uncomfortable, but I tried to stay polite under the impression this is going to be who I live with and I don’t want any tension.
After a while, I found a little group of friends. With speaking to them more, I began speaking to Luke less. And despite me not replying, sometimes for days at a time, he would STILL message me every single day, 50+ times a day, to the point he was basically having full blown conversations with himself in my messages.
He would message me as soon as he realised I was online (if for example, I messaged in another chat). He started trying to invite himself to come with me when I explained that I was probably going to be doing fresher’s week with my friends, despite me not inviting him. He would mention me by name in random group chats even if I wasn’t there (for example, if someone said ‘I like pink’, he’d reply with ‘oh my new flatmate Anon also likes pink!’. Inconsequential in the grand scheme but all these things add up). If I were having a conversation with someone else in a group chat or something, he would private message me and try and talk about whatever I was disgusting, whether or not he was involved.
He’d go around telling people everything and everything he had learned about me, whether that was through conversation, through my social media’s etc. Literally just constantly bringing me up.
The final straw for me was when he said in a group chat that he planned to arrive before me on move in day so that he could ‘break into my room and decorate it for when I arrive’. At this point I was at my wits end. He was seriously creeping me out, and this really scared me.
At this point I contacted housing and told them I wanted to swap accommodation. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I lied about the reasoning. They were actually super understanding and moved me with very little resistance.
But then Luke found out I’d moved. He started messaging me telling me all about how upset he was, about how he doesn’t want things to change, how he doesn’t want a different roommate. Then before I bothered to reply, he found out WHERE i’d moved to and made told me how happy he was that I wasn’t moving far and ‘could we still go out together during freshers’. He also then said how it would be easier for him to come to my room because he knows one of my new flatmates, and they would probably let him in to the flat.
At first, I just found Luke annoying. Now, I’m actually scared of him.
I’ve never even met him before, and he’s so weirdly obsessive. I don’t even reply to his messages anymore because he scares me and he still messages me every single day even though I’ve not replied to him in a week.
I know the easy answer is ‘why not block him’. And frankly? Because I’ve never met him, I don’t know how he thinks or acts and that’s scary.
All things considered, I’m a 5’0 weak girl and he is a 6’0 man who is claiming (supposedly jokingly??) that he’s going to break into my room (to ‘decorate’ as he claims?) with the help of his friend. The man that figured out where I’d moved to within literally an hour of confirmation from the housing department.
I’ve spoken to my friends and they think he’s probably just a bit of a socially unaware lonely type who’s attached to me because I was the first person that was nice to him here. They think he’s harmless and is just unaware of how he comes across.
And maybe he is, but he still terrifies me.
I’m not really sure how to proceed. I’m going to do my best to avoid him when I arrive, but it feels unsafe for me.
Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear that this has been your first impression of university life. I think the best thing to do is explain all of this to your university and ask them what they are able to do. They will have the authority to sort this out, also it’s a good idea to make them aware so that if anything more happens they already have an understanding of the situation.
Again, I am sorry this has been your experience.
I hope this helps, Faye ◡̈
I'm really sorry this is happening, I can appreciate this could feel very frightening/overwhelming for you and not at all what you want to focus on when you are trying to move to a new environment and make friends. I would hope it's harmless on his part but in case it's not, I'm just posting to emphasise that you should definitely screenshot/save communications from him as someone above advised, so you can show the uni (and if necessary, the police). He might start deleting things and there needs to be records of what he's said/done. Encourage others to screenshot his messages about you in other chats too!
Do approach your uni about this and explain the real reason you wanted to move. It's important they know what's going on, in case action is needed on their part
Do approach your uni about this and explain the real reason you wanted to move. It's important they know what's going on, in case action is needed on their part
Personally I read this rather differently, and while their actions were misguided, I disagree that this is "over the top" or unacceptable behaviour in any way, particularly given at this point still you are all still only interacting over social media and related channels. I think you and others would would too if you took a moment to think about this empathetically from the other side.
The situation is obviously beyond salvaging, but I don't agree that this is some unacceptable overstep on the other persons part. I think both you and a lot of the responders here are projecting a lot of significant negative associations onto this person based on what seems to be a single off the cuff joke (because if someone is trying to stalk you and take advantage about you - they aren't likely to be saying in a group chat with others they're going to force entry into your room) about decorating your room, or suggesting a potential new mutual friend may allow you to still hang out even if you won't be living together. These are potentially damning accusations and I think you need to be careful before accusing someone you've literally never met in person of such things without good reason, and I really strongly do not believe this constitutes such a good reason here.
I also think you need to very quickly learn to set boundaries and communicate directly and clearly with others, which is how people after school interact with each other, as if you had done so the entire situation would be avoided. You cannot and should not expect or assume people will understand your boundaries at the outset without those being made clear, and you can't be mad that someone is still trying to engage with you when you've not had any direct disagreements as far as can be seen.
While I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable with this situation and scared in the end, I think you need to also view this from the other side and consider that if you don't set boundaries, the other person has little way to understand that they are coming across as over-exuberant and overstepping your boundaries. That is not an issue unique to this situation and you are going to find similar situations again and again if you don't start to do that.
I also very strongly disagree with the many suggestions from others in this thread of significantly escalating this situation by involving university safeguarding teams, the police, or getting a restraining order, given the OP has not state they've done anything to actually attempt to de-escalate the situation by setting boundaries, stating they felt uncomfortable, or directly saying "I'm sorry but I've chosen to live elsewhere this year as I don't feel we can be friends". This is simply pushing the OP not doing this onto a third party agency, which could have very significant repercussions for the person who there is no actual evidence of malice on their part, which I think is the key factor here and I think a lot has now been projected on to this person without it being actually evidenced in what the OP said happened.
The situation is obviously beyond salvaging, but I don't agree that this is some unacceptable overstep on the other persons part. I think both you and a lot of the responders here are projecting a lot of significant negative associations onto this person based on what seems to be a single off the cuff joke (because if someone is trying to stalk you and take advantage about you - they aren't likely to be saying in a group chat with others they're going to force entry into your room) about decorating your room, or suggesting a potential new mutual friend may allow you to still hang out even if you won't be living together. These are potentially damning accusations and I think you need to be careful before accusing someone you've literally never met in person of such things without good reason, and I really strongly do not believe this constitutes such a good reason here.
I also think you need to very quickly learn to set boundaries and communicate directly and clearly with others, which is how people after school interact with each other, as if you had done so the entire situation would be avoided. You cannot and should not expect or assume people will understand your boundaries at the outset without those being made clear, and you can't be mad that someone is still trying to engage with you when you've not had any direct disagreements as far as can be seen.
While I'm sorry that you felt uncomfortable with this situation and scared in the end, I think you need to also view this from the other side and consider that if you don't set boundaries, the other person has little way to understand that they are coming across as over-exuberant and overstepping your boundaries. That is not an issue unique to this situation and you are going to find similar situations again and again if you don't start to do that.
I also very strongly disagree with the many suggestions from others in this thread of significantly escalating this situation by involving university safeguarding teams, the police, or getting a restraining order, given the OP has not state they've done anything to actually attempt to de-escalate the situation by setting boundaries, stating they felt uncomfortable, or directly saying "I'm sorry but I've chosen to live elsewhere this year as I don't feel we can be friends". This is simply pushing the OP not doing this onto a third party agency, which could have very significant repercussions for the person who there is no actual evidence of malice on their part, which I think is the key factor here and I think a lot has now been projected on to this person without it being actually evidenced in what the OP said happened.
Original post by artful_lounger
Personally I read this rather differently, and while their actions were misguided, I disagree that this is "over the top" or unacceptable behaviour in any way, particularly given at this point still you are all still only interacting over social media and related channels. I think you and others would would too if you took a moment to think about this empathetically from the other side.
You don't think 50+ unanswered private messages a day is over the top?
Original post by Admit-One
You don't think 50+ unanswered private messages a day is over the top?
Depends very much on the context. For example I tend to write to friends in a fragmentary fashion, rather than writing blocks of text I'll write parts of sentences then carry on in a new line as I think of things. This has nothing really to do with the content and is not intended to be harassing, it's just how I think. I also by habit occasionally do it at work on Teams - the key difference is there I know there are certain members of the team who have clearly said "this is disruptive to me so please if you have to send me a message, write it all in a single message". Since my friends haven't indicated it's a problem and continue talking to me, I can only assume it's not. Since throughout the entire description from the OP there was no indication any boundaries were negotiated in that or any other way, I think it's perfectly reasonable to consider that is the same possibility.
Equally, without any input from the OP side it's hard to tell how that would be received. Since likewise I tend to just write stuff as I think of it to my friends on various instant message type platforms as it comes to mind, rather than necessarily waiting for a reply - in this case because I understand my friends are working or doing things (or in different timezones) and so I just put it out there as they'll look at it as and when they have time and respond to the parts of it they wish to. Now if one of them said "please don't send me several follow up messages if I don't respond to the first one" then I would adapt that as needed (as for example if they had the program in question set to send multiple notifications it could get annoying or be disruptive if they are at work). Since I've not had any indication this is a problem for them and we've been communicating in this manner for years I can only assume it's not an issue.
The key is that without any kind of input from the OPs side the person in question, especially as a school leaver who probably has rather limited social experience (as does the OP undoubtedly) as a result of being "school socialised" rather than actually socialised, it's entirely possible for them to not realise this could be annoying or disruptive or upsetting without it being flagged. Therefore I don't consider it over the top to do it unless they had been asked to stop.
This is my issue with most of the responses here - it's predicated on an implicit assumption that the other person was clearly aware they should not do that, when there is no indication this was the case. There's no social more suggesting you can't send follow up messages (especially on instant messaging programmes which are designed to facilitate that) unless you are given some specific information not to from the other party, and since the OP hasn't indicated they've given any such information I think it's unreasonable to assume that it's somehow malicious or even over the top to do so. Especially since we need to consider the specific context, which is (presumably) school leavers, in the run up to joining university - where they're all a jangle of nerves, trying to do their best to impress new people and make friends and having never actually learned to make friends outside of "well we're all in the same classroom for the next 2-10 years so I don't hate you and I guess we're friends now?".
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