I have to wait 5 years to marry her for the sake of God

I’ve been talking to this girl for a year now and during that year I’ve asked her to marry me because even talking to a girl is still haram even if you have good intentions, never touched or did anything haram, my parents know who she is and knew that I wanted to be engaged with her, we went to her parents house and it didn’t end well… her mom ended up blocking my mom.

We’re still young and we decided to wait until we got our lifes together, im 20 and shes 18, she rly insists that we both get our life together for the sake of our future together so we don’t rely on anyone. She asked me to wait at least 5 years! Maybe more until i got my life together. What do i do? I really do love her and I am willing to wait for her, the reasons why 5 years wait is because we want to do it in a halal way where we don’t talk as much during these years otherwise id we do and still go out and see eachother there will be no barakah.

She pushes me to do good things in my life, she made me pray 5 times a day she gave ne the courage to strengthen my deen for myself and think about God first. I understand she’s young and wants to get her life in order. The day before yesterday I met her for the last time, it breaks my heart but it has to be done for the sake of Allah.

I really do want to marry her, 5 years is a long time to get my life in order in sha Allah but what do I do about zina, that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to marry her but that’s not the only reason, I wanted to make it halal and I genuinely care for her.

I’ll wait for 5 years I’ll have to overcome my Lustful thoughts.

What do you think I should do? I’m so lost please help me

Has anyone went through a similar situation

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve been talking to this girl for a year now and during that year I’ve asked her to marry me because even talking to a girl is still haram even if you have good intentions, never touched or did anything haram, my parents know who she is and knew that I wanted to be engaged with her, we went to her parents house and it didn’t end well… her mom ended up blocking my mom.
We’re still young and we decided to wait until we got our lifes together, im 20 and shes 18, she rly insists that we both get our life together for the sake of our future together so we don’t rely on anyone. She asked me to wait at least 5 years! Maybe more until i got my life together. What do i do? I really do love her and I am willing to wait for her, the reasons why 5 years wait is because we want to do it in a halal way where we don’t talk as much during these years otherwise id we do and still go out and see eachother there will be no barakah.
She pushes me to do good things in my life, she made me pray 5 times a day she gave ne the courage to strengthen my deen for myself and think about God first. I understand she’s young and wants to get her life in order. The day before yesterday I met her for the last time, it breaks my heart but it has to be done for the sake of Allah.
I really do want to marry her, 5 years is a long time to get my life in order in sha Allah but what do I do about zina, that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to marry her but that’s not the only reason, I wanted to make it halal and I genuinely care for her.
I’ll wait for 5 years I’ll have to overcome my Lustful thoughts.
What do you think I should do? I’m so lost please help me
Has anyone went through a similar situation

Hey there!
I’m a Muslim women so I can know how you feel.
The best advice I can give is, if you you really do love her you should wait those 5 years. Also stay away from bad thoughts and always know that Allah is with you and will guide you.
You can always pray and ask god in your sleep on how your life with her will look too.

May Allah give you peace

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you your the only one who said something positive, I posted on in Reddit and everyone is telling me to move on, they don’t understand that I genuinely love her, I don’t see her sexually most of the time, I love her character she made me feel finally responsible in this life, she’s really strict in her deen and willing to save us from zina, she says she wants to have barakah in our future. She gives me courage to start school again and get my life in order because I’ll be honest im not financially stable right now

Thank you so much sister it’s going to be very hard but this is for the sake of Allah he comes first and he knows what im going through, I met her in a strange part of my life, it’s not a coincidence how I met her it just felt all planned.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

I’m in your position bro. I have waited 2 and a half years for the girl I wish to marry. Her parents ideally wanted her to complete her education first, and she would want to complete her education first before getting married before I made my intentions clear to her, next year will be my 3rd year in the meantime I would advise you like this you truly love her then purely just wait for her bro, I truly love mines, I’m waiting patiently for my Nikkah. But in the meantime I’m planning the fundamentals of what is required for a small simple Nikkah and for a future.

Reply 4

Rr600

Religion wastes people's lives. People should be free to have sex, love and relationships they want instead of following an old religious book of a god that may not exist. Life is short, imagine if she dies before her religion allows them to marry, you would have missed a lot in life. I'm happy to be atheist so I can do what I want in my life

Reply 5

marsaria

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you your the only one who said something positive, I posted on in Reddit and everyone is telling me to move on, they don’t understand that I genuinely love her, I don’t see her sexually most of the time, I love her character she made me feel finally responsible in this life, she’s really strict in her deen and willing to save us from zina, she says she wants to have barakah in our future. She gives me courage to start school again and get my life in order because I’ll be honest im not financially stable right now
Thank you so much sister it’s going to be very hard but this is for the sake of Allah he comes first and he knows what im going through, I met her in a strange part of my life, it’s not a coincidence how I met her it just felt all planned.

Definitely very hard to see. But as you say you truly love her, if you are willing to wait then wait. You’ll still be young, 25 and 23. She’s given you this motivation to be better. So be better, not just for her, but for you too, work on your finances and grow. You’ll be rewarded for the wait (by Allah) and also be rewarded with better self growth. It’s not known if you’ll end up with the girl yet or not (likely why everyone said move on) but you’ll be more satisfied with yourself.

You’ve got a problem many people don’t have, as some of people aren’t willing to wait. But if you’re going to do this, then you’ve got this!
I hope you two end up together!

Reply 6

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve been talking to this girl for a year now and during that year I’ve asked her to marry me because even talking to a girl is still haram even if you have good intentions, never touched or did anything haram, my parents know who she is and knew that I wanted to be engaged with her, we went to her parents house and it didn’t end well… her mom ended up blocking my mom.
We’re still young and we decided to wait until we got our lifes together, im 20 and shes 18, she rly insists that we both get our life together for the sake of our future together so we don’t rely on anyone. She asked me to wait at least 5 years! Maybe more until i got my life together. What do i do? I really do love her and I am willing to wait for her, the reasons why 5 years wait is because we want to do it in a halal way where we don’t talk as much during these years otherwise id we do and still go out and see eachother there will be no barakah.
She pushes me to do good things in my life, she made me pray 5 times a day she gave ne the courage to strengthen my deen for myself and think about God first. I understand she’s young and wants to get her life in order. The day before yesterday I met her for the last time, it breaks my heart but it has to be done for the sake of Allah.
I really do want to marry her, 5 years is a long time to get my life in order in sha Allah but what do I do about zina, that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to marry her but that’s not the only reason, I wanted to make it halal and I genuinely care for her.
I’ll wait for 5 years I’ll have to overcome my Lustful thoughts.
What do you think I should do? I’m so lost please help me
Has anyone went through a similar situation

I am not a Muslim. Like the other person said, it's important to respect her wishes. However, it's essential to communicate your feelings about waiting 5 years to marry, as a relationship should be a two-way street..

Reply 7

Anonymous #5

If she said at least 5 years till YOU get ur life together
Then thats js an estimate of how long she thinks you will take to be independent and get ur life together
If thats the case, u can break that assumption and work harder to get ur life together before the 5 yrs maybe in 2-3 yrs ( if u pour ur heart into it )

Also a side note, are you sure she really likes u back like you do ? Cuz if a person loves they wont ask their beloved to stay away for 5 yrs ngl
It seems like a rlly long period. She could’ve said maybe 2-3 yrs then you can be engaged for a while and continue to grow together after. What ir opinion?

Reply 8

Anonymous #5

Original post by Rr600

Whats the difference between ur life and an animals life ?

U follow ur desires and cant follow rules.
Cant wait to see how ur face will look like when u realise religion is the right path during day of judgment.
Btw ( even though I dont think u will understand) it wasn’t religion that is stopping them from getting married, acc islam encourages marriage and praises it. it was their worries for their future. The girl thinks they r too young and not responsible enough for marriage.
Go back and read cutie

Reply 9

Rr600

Original post by Anonymous

Whats the difference between ur life and an animals life ?
U follow ur desires and cant follow rules.
Cant wait to see how ur face will look like when u realise religion is the right path during day of judgment.
Btw ( even though I dont think u will understand) it wasn’t religion that is stopping them from getting married, acc islam encourages marriage and praises it. it was their worries for their future. The girl thinks they r too young and not responsible enough for marriage.
Go back and read cutie

Life is short, people should be free to do what they want and have their rules and not the rules of a priest or a mullah. He talked about religion as the reason they can't be together, as religion doesn't let you love who you want. He has to wait 5 years, let's say one of them dies before the 5 years, he would have missed a lot in life. For example your religion says that gays can never love, can never have sex, never have relationships, never marry. I think religion is backwards and wastes people's lives

Reply 10

marsaria

Original post by Rr600

Thanks for the opinion, but that’s not helping them right now. Some people choose not to believe in a religion, and some do. Specifically speaking, it’s not Islam restricting them technically but other factors. Also, religion is not a physical factor, they are still “freely” choosing to follow it.