Does abuse have to be continuous?

Long story short, I had a huge argument with my mother and she was blaming me for many things. She then later went on to say how I have never 'got over' the time when my dad cut my hair extremely short and hit me til I was black and blue lmao (this was in 2020 and I had just turned 14, thank God for Covid). He's also said many nasty things when he claims he's trying to discipline me?? Anyways my mum said it doesn't count as abuse as it never happened again however stuff like that has. My brother was defending me but she was saying how when she was my age and younger she went through a lot worse. I'm just very tired of her.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hi I'm very sorry you've experienced things like this, let alone experiencing it from your parents at a young age.
I know the invalidation gets you to question yourself but please remember there's a reason you are able to identify those actions as abuse. Its because they ARE abusive.
I'm not qualified or anything but from personal experience Elders tend to deny something as abuse because they are comparing it to something they deem worse. There isn't a hierarchy of abuse when people are doing things that are wrong. That treatment from your parents should have never happened and I am angry on your behalf. I am so relieved that your brother defended you because it helps to have people that make you feel sane in your recollection.

In my opinion, again not an expert, abuse does not have to be continuous. I don't know if this applies to you but from personal experiences abusive relationships tend to go through waves where things can also be alright, seem great and ideal.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Hi I'm very sorry you've experienced things like this, let alone experiencing it from your parents at a young age.
I know the invalidation gets you to question yourself but please remember there's a reason you are able to identify those actions as abuse. Its because they ARE abusive.
I'm not qualified or anything but from personal experience Elders tend to deny something as abuse because they are comparing it to something they deem worse. There isn't a hierarchy of abuse when people are doing things that are wrong. That treatment from your parents should have never happened and I am angry on your behalf. I am so relieved that your brother defended you because it helps to have people that make you feel sane in your recollection.
In my opinion, again not an expert, abuse does not have to be continuous. I don't know if this applies to you but from personal experiences abusive relationships tend to go through waves where things can also be alright, seem great and ideal.

Thank you so much for replying. I know what I wrote was a handful. But yeah I totally agree with what you’ve said. She’s just so frustrating at times. And she can be very controlling even now when I’m still 18. I keep reminding her that I’m not an object, not am I her ‘property’. I have rights and I’m entitled to make decisions for myself. She doesn’t understand that and it’s pretty hard to explain it to her