Should I tell him if I keep the baby/get an abortion?

If the father of my baby (I’m 5 weeks pregnant) told me he won’t contact me ever again and has blocked me (I think) on everything, is it then wrong of me to never tell him if I keep the baby or get an abortion? Part of me worries I’ll be filled with guilt if I don’t tell him, but the other part of me knows he’s basically asked me not to tell him and he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to be a dad, and he’s left me.

What would you do in this situation? He’s been absolutely terrible but I’ve very torn because I’m not an unkind person. Is it likely he will try and make contact again, even if he’s said he won’t?

Reply 1

mbainger

8

Original post by london141414

If the father of my baby (I’m 5 weeks pregnant) told me he won’t contact me ever again and has blocked me (I think) on everything, is it then wrong of me to never tell him if I keep the baby or get an abortion? Part of me worries I’ll be filled with guilt if I don’t tell him, but the other part of me knows he’s basically asked me not to tell him and he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to be a dad, and he’s left me.
What would you do in this situation? He’s been absolutely terrible but I’ve very torn because I’m not an unkind person. Is it likely he will try and make contact again, even if he’s said he won’t?

I don't think it's wrong to not tell him, it's your choice. It's definitely a difficult situation but if you don't want to tell him, you don't have to. Do whatever you feel is best for you and the potential baby (whether that be keeping the baby or getting an abortion). Given that he's been absolutely terrible, I personally wouldn't want to stay involved with him, and i wouldn't want to be at risk of the way he might treat you if he found out about a potential baby. If he does try to make contact again, it's up to you what you do - you don't even have to respond if you don't want to. Yes, the potential of a kid is a massive thing but sometimes people are just **** and it may be for the better for both you and that kid for him to stay out of it. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and that you can make a decision without any guilt, whatever direction that might be < 3

Reply 2

StriderHort

21

I think you pretty much need to tell him if he's a father (does he already know your expecting?) but that's about it. Imagine trying to tell a kid years later that they'll never know their dad because you just don't like them, it'll make you look a bit petty and selfish no matter what they guy actually did. If he ignores and blocks you, so be it, and you can tell a kid that with your head held high.

If you aren't planning to go ahead, then no, I don't think there is any benefit in communicating with him..

Reply 3

london141414

OP

2

Original post by mbainger

I don't think it's wrong to not tell him, it's your choice. It's definitely a difficult situation but if you don't want to tell him, you don't have to. Do whatever you feel is best for you and the potential baby (whether that be keeping the baby or getting an abortion). Given that he's been absolutely terrible, I personally wouldn't want to stay involved with him, and i wouldn't want to be at risk of the way he might treat you if he found out about a potential baby. If he does try to make contact again, it's up to you what you do - you don't even have to respond if you don't want to. Yes, the potential of a kid is a massive thing but sometimes people are just **** and it may be for the better for both you and that kid for him to stay out of it. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and that you can make a decision without any guilt, whatever direction that might be < 3

Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to reply to my post! Your message has really helped me, so thank you x

Reply 4

mbainger

8

Original post by london141414

Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to reply to my post! Your message has really helped me, so thank you x

Very glad, definitely keep in mind what the other person said haha, but I hope things go well for you whatever you do!

Reply 5

Wired_1800

20

Original post by london141414

If the father of my baby (I’m 5 weeks pregnant) told me he won’t contact me ever again and has blocked me (I think) on everything, is it then wrong of me to never tell him if I keep the baby or get an abortion? Part of me worries I’ll be filled with guilt if I don’t tell him, but the other part of me knows he’s basically asked me not to tell him and he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to be a dad, and he’s left me.
What would you do in this situation? He’s been absolutely terrible but I’ve very torn because I’m not an unkind person. Is it likely he will try and make contact again, even if he’s said he won’t?

Please keep the baby and tell him. Up to him if he chooses to support or not. All the best.

Reply 6

mbainger

8

Original post by Wired_1800

Please keep the baby and tell him. Up to him if he chooses to support or not. All the best.

They don't have to keep the baby if they don't want to. You don't get to decide what other people do with their bodies

Reply 7

Wired_1800

20

Original post by mbainger

They don't have to keep the baby if they don't want to. You don't get to decide what other people do with their bodies

Ok

Original post by StriderHort

I think you pretty much need to tell him if he's a father (does he already know your expecting?) but that's about it. Imagine trying to tell a kid years later that they'll never know their dad because you just don't like them, it'll make you look a bit petty and selfish no matter what they guy actually did. If he ignores and blocks you, so be it, and you can tell a kid that with your head held high.

If you aren't planning to go ahead, then no, I don't think there is any benefit in communicating with him..

I agree with this. It is your choice whether or not to have an abortion. If you do decide to have an abortion, I don't think there is anything to be gained for either of you in telling the father. If you do intend to keep the baby, I do think you should tell him. It's not a matter of whether or not you have a good relationship with him, whether or not you think he's a nice person, or whether or not you think he will want to be involved or be a good father. Assuming you name him on the birth certificate, he will legally have parental responsibility. That will allow him to apply to the court for a child arrangements order to see his child, and it will allow you to apply to the court for a child maintenance order (i.e. to receive payments from him). Even if you don't name him on the birth certificate (though if you're certain that he is the father, you should), he can still obtain an order subsequently granting him parental responsibility if he is the biological father.

But quite apart from the legal reasons, he is your child's father, and absolutely should be told that he is a father. He should also be given an opportunity to be involved in his child's life. That is not for you, it is for your child. Strider has this spot on. Imagine telling your child when they're older that their father doesn't even know they exist. Would you be comfortable telling them that you think you were justified in doing that? But yourself in their shoes; do you think there's any situation where you would be happy to accept your mother never telling your father that you even existed? Because I genuinely don't think you'll be able to justify never even giving the father an opportunity to be a part of his child's life, and thereby denying your child any opportunity to have a relationship with their father. I really would go as far as saying that you absolutely must not do that. By all means dispute the extent to which the father should be involved. But you have to tell him and you have to have that discussion. That is plainly in the best interests of your child. Not telling him at all runs a serious risk of damaging your child and your relationship with your child further down the line.

Reply 9

Wired_1800

20

Original post by StriderHort

I think you pretty much need to tell him if he's a father (does he already know your expecting?) but that's about it. Imagine trying to tell a kid years later that they'll never know their dad because you just don't like them, it'll make you look a bit petty and selfish no matter what they guy actually did. If he ignores and blocks you, so be it, and you can tell a kid that with your head held high.
If you aren't planning to go ahead, then no, I don't think there is any benefit in communicating with him..

Should I tell him if I keep the baby/get an abortion?

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