I dumped a guy because of the porn he wanted to watch. Was I justified?
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Original post by Emily's Teapot
I know it doesn't always work that way but my bf really seemed to enjoy the idea he was just watching. He liked one of the scenes where the Black guy 'stole' the White guys gf and he really liked the scenes where the girl looked like me and he hinted at how hot it would be if he was watching me.
I guess that can be exciting (and to me being with one of those Black guys would be really hot) but it made me perceive him and really weak and kinda creepy at the time. I get that it's voyeurism? Is that right? But it wasn't an attractive thing for him.
I guess that can be exciting (and to me being with one of those Black guys would be really hot) but it made me perceive him and really weak and kinda creepy at the time. I get that it's voyeurism? Is that right? But it wasn't an attractive thing for him.
That reinforces that you were right to dump him.
Did he come across as mentally or emotionally weak in other areas of his life apart his porn habits?
Were there any contexts in which he came across as mentally and emotionally strong?
It sounds like he may be lacking in class too.
It's quite possible that the next guy to become your boyfriend will be chalk to your ex's cheese. At least in terms of the porn habits. As it's quite possible to watch a variety of porn and to regard it all as silly nonsense.
Onwards and upwards for you. On with the next chapter in your life...
Original post by Emily's Teapot
I'm trying to understand what people mean by that. I didn't think he would be because he's quite right wing and normal in day to day.
Sounds like a very likely candidate to me, tbh.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
That reinforces that you were right to dump him.
Did he come across as mentally or emotionally weak in other areas of his life apart his porn habits?
Were there any contexts in which he came across as mentally and emotionally strong?
It sounds like he may be lacking in class too.
It's quite possible that the next guy to become your boyfriend will be chalk to your ex's cheese. At least in terms of the porn habits. As it's quite possible to watch a variety of porn and to regard it all as silly nonsense.
Onwards and upwards for you. On with the next chapter in your life...
Did he come across as mentally or emotionally weak in other areas of his life apart his porn habits?
Were there any contexts in which he came across as mentally and emotionally strong?
It sounds like he may be lacking in class too.
It's quite possible that the next guy to become your boyfriend will be chalk to your ex's cheese. At least in terms of the porn habits. As it's quite possible to watch a variety of porn and to regard it all as silly nonsense.
Onwards and upwards for you. On with the next chapter in your life...
He is pretty disciplined and ambitious with his career/academic life. And he is intelligent and political and stuff but he isn't very physically fit and in the bedroom he was very passive and submissive.
He is still very into me and wanting to see me. Yesterday he gave me a lift to go out with my friends lol. But yeh I think I should make it clear we are only friends.
I can have fun with a guy who is "weak" or submissive in the bedroom but it's not what I need long term. As you say, I'm sure I'll find a very different guy when I move to a city for uni. It's just a long time to wait.
In the words of Jesse Lee Peterson:
BETA!
BETA!
Original post by Emily's Teapot
He is pretty disciplined and ambitious with his career/academic life. And he is intelligent and political and stuff but he isn't very physically fit and in the bedroom he was very passive and submissive.
He is still very into me and wanting to see me. Yesterday he gave me a lift to go out with my friends lol. But yeh I think I should make it clear we are only friends.
I can have fun with a guy who is "weak" or submissive in the bedroom but it's not what I need long term. As you say, I'm sure I'll find a very different guy when I move to a city for uni. It's just a long time to wait.
He is still very into me and wanting to see me. Yesterday he gave me a lift to go out with my friends lol. But yeh I think I should make it clear we are only friends.
I can have fun with a guy who is "weak" or submissive in the bedroom but it's not what I need long term. As you say, I'm sure I'll find a very different guy when I move to a city for uni. It's just a long time to wait.
You're making it sound like you live in rural America. Where there's not a lot of choice.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
You're making it sound like you live in rural America. Where there's not a lot of choice.
I'm in a very rural village on the Welsh border. I don't drive so I may as well be in rural Nebraska.
Original post by ICEcold_Stoic
In the words of Jesse Lee Peterson:
BETA!
BETA!
Haha...
Yeh I did get the ick so fast as he came across very beta.
Original post by Emily's Teapot
Anything about violence against women is vile.
Legal porn is not normally especially violent.
I think the poster was asserting that porn has negative consequences.
Original post by ageshallnot
Sounds like a very likely candidate to me, tbh.
Why do you say that?
Original post by Emily's Teapot
I recently broke up with a guy I had been dating for a few months, and who I thought things were going well with, because I saw the porn he was into and I just wanted peoples thoughts as to whether I overreacted or not. I'm not against porn, though I understand why some people are, and it's usually not a big issue for me but for this guy it was the type of porn he was watching.
Bearing in mind we are both white (we live in a rural and very white part of the UK) he was watching essentially exclusively interracial porn, where the women was white and the man was Black. As a white man, why would you exclusively watch that? I thought the whole point of porn was imagining yourself in the scene, but the guys in the scene are literally nothing like him (though many of the girls had my features.)
I've never really watched this kind of stuff before but he was watching stuff from studios like Blacked dot com who I think only make stuff with white girls and Black men and where it focuses on how "Black guys are better" and situations where they are stealing white guys girls.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the scenes (To be honest some were super hot. I've never even thought about Black guys in that way but it's made me very curious!) but it was the fact it was that my white boyfriend liked them was a huge turn off. I don't want to sound mean but it made him come across as so weak and passive.
Am I completely overreacting? I can't help how it made me feel. Is it at all common for white guys to be into that kind of stuff? Why?
Bearing in mind we are both white (we live in a rural and very white part of the UK) he was watching essentially exclusively interracial porn, where the women was white and the man was Black. As a white man, why would you exclusively watch that? I thought the whole point of porn was imagining yourself in the scene, but the guys in the scene are literally nothing like him (though many of the girls had my features.)
I've never really watched this kind of stuff before but he was watching stuff from studios like Blacked dot com who I think only make stuff with white girls and Black men and where it focuses on how "Black guys are better" and situations where they are stealing white guys girls.
It's not that I didn't appreciate the scenes (To be honest some were super hot. I've never even thought about Black guys in that way but it's made me very curious!) but it was the fact it was that my white boyfriend liked them was a huge turn off. I don't want to sound mean but it made him come across as so weak and passive.
Am I completely overreacting? I can't help how it made me feel. Is it at all common for white guys to be into that kind of stuff? Why?
Whilst I wouldn't say it's "normal" or "common", it's not exactly unheard of either.
Apparently, the 4th or 5th most searched category on Pornhub is BBC... and given that most black guys tend to refer to their chaps as d**ks (as opposed to c**ks), it suggests that the majority of people who are searching for it are not black themselves.
It's not always about putting yourself int the position of the guy, sometimes it can be a voyeur type thing. Personally, I almost exclusively watch lesbian porn, but I don't secretly wish I was a woman... for me, it's more like it's a window into a world that I shouldn't be a part of... so maybe there's a bit of that in this respect? Possibly because, as you say, you live in a predominantly white area, it could be plausible, perhaps?
Alternatively, as someone said earlier on in the thread, for some people, it could be about "white-guilt" (e.g. the history of slavery, and that black guys tend to get a raw deal in life, in general)… but personally, I don't necessarily see that as a sign of weakness or submission; IMHO, it may be more about retribution / comeuppance or karma for the black guys.
I appreciate it may be difficult to get your head around, but bear in mind that a lot of the people who go to sex-dungeons to get tied up, whipped and humiliated by women (dominatrix) are actually in very high powered jobs (e.g. company directors / executives; barristers / judges etc.. and I'm sure you've heard stories of politicians embodied in such scandals). Not my thing personally, but perhaps having so much power themselves, someone else having complete control over them is a turn on for them, no?
Am I completely overreacting? I can't help how it made me feel. Is it at all common for white guys to be into that kind of stuff?
As far as this bit is concerned, it's your choice what are and aren't your deal breakers (you were the one in a relationship, not us). However, since you asked, IMHO it does seem a bit extreme you dumping him for that (unless there were other reasons, and that was the final nail in the coffin)… given that it's not illegal or really weird. Personally, I would have been interested to hear his explanations before the inevitable ghosting
Just out of interest, would it have been worse if the ethnicities / sexes were reversed (i.e. he was exclusively watching white guys with black / Asian women).
But, as I said, it's your life, and we can't tell you what to do.
Original post by Emily's Teapot
Are there any actual truth to the stereotypes?
Original post by Emily's Teapot
I think the curiosity element that the taboo creates is a big part of the attraction, even if the stereotype isn't true.
I'm assuming you're referring to the one that shares it's initials with a famous British television institution.
Still, regardless of which stereotype you're talking about, I think it's pointless you asking that question on a forum like this... obviously black guys here are going to say "yes" (after all, the obvious one is one of the very few good / positive stereotypes black guys have), and white guys are going to answer in a manner that doesn't distract from their own status quo (not helped that this forum generally tends to be against black guy / white girl interracial pairings, in particular).
The only thing I will say on the matter, is that the stereotype has existed for a very long time; way before porn became a thing... and by now, I'm sure someone would have successfully disproven it if it was completely fabricated. At the very least, I think it's safe to say that there will be very few black guys with tiny tools... and even then if someone does spot one in the shower, he may still be a "grower".
Therefore, the only way you're going to get any idea of the truth is to talk to women (and maybe gay guys lol), who, shall we say, have "been around the world, many times" (if you get what I mean), so they can give you their real life experiences... or (dare I say it)... find out for yourself (now you're single and "curious" (hey, your words, not mine) LMFAO 😂).
(edited 1 week ago)
Original post by Emily's Teapot
Why do you say that?
Your description of him reads like he wants to watch you have sex with a big black guy.
Original post by ageshallnot
Your description of him reads like he wants to watch you have sex with a big black guy.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
I think the important question here and now is... if she were to bang a black guy, record it and send him the video, would it be a treat or torture? 🤣
Hahaha oh my gosh don't temp me.
Original post by Emily's Teapot
Hahaha oh my gosh don't temp me.
It's not me or @Old Skool Freak who is tempting you. It's your bf! 😆
Original post by ageshallnot
It's not me or @Old Skool Freak who is tempting you. It's your bf! 😆
That would be so creepy though! Although I guess I see why he might like it. It would be pretty similar to a Blacked scene haha.
I'd never do that though.
Original post by Emily's Teapot
That would be so creepy though! Although I guess I see why he might like it. It would be pretty similar to a Blacked scene haha.
I'd never do that though.
I'd never do that though.
Of course not... 😇
Original post by ageshallnot
Of course not... 😇
At least not until I'd had at least two vodka cokes 😈
Original post by Emily's Teapot
At least not until I'd had at least two vodka cokes 😈
Doubles, I assume?
Original post by ageshallnot
Doubles, I assume?
Would have to be. You can get more than doubles they just won't put it in for you.
Original post by Faultybot
Would have to be. You can get more than doubles they just won't put it in for you.
Put what in where?!?!? 😆😳😆😳😆
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