Boyfriend not choosing me

My boyfriend has a friend's stag the same night as my cousin's wedding reception. I only found out this week and to boot his friends moved the date of the stag last week as well. This is first family wedding on my side we are invited to since we have been together. I have asked him as he said he didn't know what to say and would let me know if he was coming or not later in the week. If not he said I could go on my own. I'm I wrong for feeling family should come first?

Reply 1

Surnia

20

He's your boyfriend, not your husband, so it's more your family, and not immediate family at that.

Is it also the case that he's known this friend longer than you've been together, so that's who he's going to choose to go with?

Reply 2

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Yeah, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to prioritise a friend’s stag over a partner’s cousin’s wedding.

Should he have been a bit clearer and quicker in communicating about it? Probably.

Reply 3

klhud

3

Original post by User1011

My boyfriend has a friend's stag the same night as my cousin's wedding reception. I only found out this week and to boot his friends moved the date of the stag last week as well. This is first family wedding on my side we are invited to since we have been together. I have asked him as he said he didn't know what to say and would let me know if he was coming or not later in the week. If not he said I could go on my own. I'm I wrong for feeling family should come first?

Not having any info on your relationship, this was my immediate thought:

Looking at it from his perspective, I'd say I'd rather celebrate my close friend's wedding at his stag night than be at a family wedding of someone I don't know so well.
However, spending time with my partner and supporting them at a family event they want to go to is also a nice way to spend a night. Your bf had a tricky decision to make - but while this is the first potential family event together, I'm sure it won't be the last. His friend getting married is more of a once-in-a-lifetime thing that he feels he needs to be there for.

It's rough that they changed the date of it, but often things come up and events need to be postponed.
The issue here is him not communicating with you. He needed some time to make the decision, but in doing so he's left you in the dark, and clearly done so in a way that makes you feel like it's a rejection of you and your family, rather than an obligation to be there for his friend.

I think it's something you should both talk about, and he should make his reasons clear, but if it really is important to you right now, you should reason with him and I'm sure he'll try and be there for you in your hour of need. Communication is vital in relationships, you shouldn't leave conversations feeling like there's more to be said, and when you do, you need to get back together to talk it through. Make it clear what you think and let him talk his thought process through with you, making sure he's listening to you too.

I would assume, his ideas would be that you and he can always go to a family event together (and btw you won't "go alone"; you'll be surrounded by your family, so not sure why he said it like that), but a stag party is a very big thing, and if this is a close friend, I think that's what he's going to choose - unless you really need him.

Again, this is all a subjective response based on my opinions, and little to no knowledge of what you are both like as people, and what your relationships are to everyone involved. This is just a stranger's opinion so ignore it if I've got stuff wrong, but I hope I can help a little.

Reply 4

Rakas21

21

Original post by User1011

My boyfriend has a friend's stag the same night as my cousin's wedding reception. I only found out this week and to boot his friends moved the date of the stag last week as well. This is first family wedding on my side we are invited to since we have been together. I have asked him as he said he didn't know what to say and would let me know if he was coming or not later in the week. If not he said I could go on my own. I'm I wrong for feeling family should come first?

It's 50/50.

I would say that you are correct if he has previously met your cousin however if not then it may be argued that your relationship has not progressed to the point that your family should hold a higher value than his friends.

Reply 5

Ghostlady

21

If it was like my sister getting married, definitely the plus one needs to make an effort. As its your cousin, they are not going to miss your boyfriend not coming. His friend is getting married and wants to be a support for him. You can always make an excuse and say he got his dates mixed up and needs to be there for his friend to look out for him, to look after him. These things do happen and at the moment hes on boyfriend level, and sounds a fairly newish relationship. Just dont get mad at what ever decision he makes. If you put your foot down and say hes got to come to the wedding, then he turns up as he feels obliged to, and probably be in a mood during the evening. So see what he says, but also make sure hes aware times a ticking and people need to know.

(edited 1 week ago)

Boyfriend not choosing me

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