LNAT

I am prepping for the LNAT and was wondering if anyone could have a look at the essay I wrote?
Topic - in a western society arranged marriages should no longer be tolerated.
This viewpoint can be interpreted in various ways depending on the individual. Arranged marriages are seen as fundamental in many cultures, as they form a basis of trust and companionship for families. However, the Western society deems relationships to be independent of the family, where the couple is required to pave their own way without any assistance. In the Pakistani culture, arranged marriages are seen as the norm, as they believe the bride and groom dont just marry each other, they marry the family. Therefore, the decision to get married has to be approved by the elders of the family for it to continue. This can be percieved as positive as it keeps the family content and allows the interlinking of families, which could improve business and pleasure. Some may misunderstand this as being a masked forced marriage, however the marriage does not go ahead without the consent of both the bride and groom. If they are happy getting married, no third person should have a say in the matter. However, the Western society sees the idea of arranged marriage as a restriction on freedom and free will, as it involves the family. Western society is majorly independent, where children leave the house at the age of 18, and are expected to make a life for themselves, away from their families. This leads into marriage, where the discussion is solely the couples, and the families have little to no choice on whether the marriage should go ahead. This is largely due to the philosophy that the couple will be prepared to be living together, therefore the decision they make to marry must be correct. Western families tend not to rely on families when they hit obstacles, whereas cultures where arranged marriages are common tend to rely on family throughout their whole lives. Many children don't leave the house after 18, only after they get married, therefore their connection and dependence on their family is higher than that of Western society. There may be some arguments that people don't gain the independence they need, therefore losing out on vital life skills as well as social skills. On the other hand, living with parents until marriage does not mean you are not given the oppurtunity to leave the house and pursue various routes in life. Many go on to university and apprenticeships, as well as starting out in their work lives and embarking abroad. Living with parents does not limit your chances of marriage, but it helps strengthen your bond with your family and teaches you how to maintain relationships for the future, hence why arranged marriages have proven to be very successful. In western society, there is a large divorce rate and parents tend to separate once the spark leaves, but it has rarely been the case for arranged marriages. People tend to believe that their parents will always make the right decision, and trust their parents enough to allow them to choose who they marry. This trust cannot be given to anyone, but many peop,e in the Pakistani and Indian culture regard their parents very highly, and believe that they will make the right choice. When arranged marriages are not bothersome to those participating in them, the people so affected by this should have no say in what goes on. People have free will, and cannot enforce rules on traditional concepts purely because they don't adhere to that particular society's view and opinions.*

Reply 1

McGinger

Where are your paragraph breaks.
As an LNAT marker my heart would sink looking at this too-solid-block-of-text.

The important word here is 'tolerated' - thats what its asking you to consider.