Help with using a preferred name at University without parents knowing.
So to start off with, I am transgender non-binary with a very transphobic family. I have had anxiety about putting my preferred name on anything official uni related because i didn't want my parents finding out i put it there so i didn't put it down. But now im considering editing my preferred name part on my profiles because i do not want to have an id/register so on with my dead name on it (i personally dont care about seeing my dead name on things but i dont want to be outed as trans to other people/dont want to manually ask everyone i meet to refer to me as my preffered name) but at the same time, i dont want letters sent to my house with my preferred name on there because my parents will have a fit (they already know about that name as i have been outed to them before, multiple times)
So i just want uni to be a new start where i can be myself, without worrying about correcting teachers, classmates and staff to refer to me as i would wish to be referred as, i want it to be a default when i walk in the doors (everyone knows me as my preferred name not my dead name first).
I just want to know if there are any solutions i can do to make sure i can be referred to the way i want to so im not outed to my peers or outed to my parents? Im stressing about this a lot and i hope there is a simple enough solution. If this helps with the answer im going to University of Kent.
Thank you for any help
So i just want uni to be a new start where i can be myself, without worrying about correcting teachers, classmates and staff to refer to me as i would wish to be referred as, i want it to be a default when i walk in the doors (everyone knows me as my preferred name not my dead name first).
I just want to know if there are any solutions i can do to make sure i can be referred to the way i want to so im not outed to my peers or outed to my parents? Im stressing about this a lot and i hope there is a simple enough solution. If this helps with the answer im going to University of Kent.
Thank you for any help
(edited 1 month ago)
Hey @Ripley_Kaegonni,
I hope you're keeping well. š
Let me check with my boss first to clarify a few things regarding some nuances on the privacy aspect, as I want to help you to the best of my ability.
To ease some stress though, I can't remember having recieved any letters to my home address whilst at uni, though I believe you may be able to get help with choosing to recieve all necessary information via email instead.
I would wholeheartedly recommend talking with the Student Record Administration Office though, and explaining your situation with them, to see what support they can provide, and how we can help you manage with this situation. They will be more than happy to listen and help ease any worries that you might have.
You can message them here at [email protected] (or [email protected] if studying at Medway), and they'll help redirect you to other departments as well if need be.
As for other people though, seminars and classes don't have a roll call registration, so you can just introduce yourself to others with your preferred name and they won't have any way of knowing otherwise, even if you're registered with your dead name. As for lecturers, with matters related to names and pronouns, donāt be afraid to email lecturers ahead of time when you get your timetable ā all staff at Kent have training on LGBTQIA+ issues and it will help them get into the habit of using your correct pronouns ahead of time.
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
David š
University of Kent Student Rep
I hope you're keeping well. š
Let me check with my boss first to clarify a few things regarding some nuances on the privacy aspect, as I want to help you to the best of my ability.
To ease some stress though, I can't remember having recieved any letters to my home address whilst at uni, though I believe you may be able to get help with choosing to recieve all necessary information via email instead.
I would wholeheartedly recommend talking with the Student Record Administration Office though, and explaining your situation with them, to see what support they can provide, and how we can help you manage with this situation. They will be more than happy to listen and help ease any worries that you might have.
You can message them here at [email protected] (or [email protected] if studying at Medway), and they'll help redirect you to other departments as well if need be.
As for other people though, seminars and classes don't have a roll call registration, so you can just introduce yourself to others with your preferred name and they won't have any way of knowing otherwise, even if you're registered with your dead name. As for lecturers, with matters related to names and pronouns, donāt be afraid to email lecturers ahead of time when you get your timetable ā all staff at Kent have training on LGBTQIA+ issues and it will help them get into the habit of using your correct pronouns ahead of time.
I hope this helps.
Warm regards,
David š
University of Kent Student Rep
Original post by Ripley_Kaegonni
So to start off with, I am transgender non-binary with a very transphobic family. I have had anxiety about putting my preferred name on anything official uni related because i didn't want my parents finding out i put it there so i didn't put it down. But now im considering editing my preferred name part on my profiles because i do not want to have an id/register so on with my dead name on it (i personally dont care about seeing my dead name on things but i dont want to be outed as trans to other people/dont want to manually ask everyone i meet to refer to me as my preffered name) but at the same time, i dont want letters sent to my house with my preferred name on there because my parents will have a fit (they already know about that name as i have been outed to them before, multiple times)
So i just want uni to be a new start where i can be myself, without worrying about correcting teachers, classmates and staff to refer to me as i would wish to be referred as, i want it to be a default when i walk in the doors (everyone knows me as my preferred name not my dead name first).
I just want to know if there are any solutions i can do to make sure i can be referred to the way i want to so im not outed to my peers or outed to my parents? Im stressing about this a lot and i hope there is a simple enough solution. If this helps with the answer im going to University of Kent.
Thank you for any help
So i just want uni to be a new start where i can be myself, without worrying about correcting teachers, classmates and staff to refer to me as i would wish to be referred as, i want it to be a default when i walk in the doors (everyone knows me as my preferred name not my dead name first).
I just want to know if there are any solutions i can do to make sure i can be referred to the way i want to so im not outed to my peers or outed to my parents? Im stressing about this a lot and i hope there is a simple enough solution. If this helps with the answer im going to University of Kent.
Thank you for any help
I hope you've been well. š
So, just to finish off and return to some of those nuances I was thinking about.
The only worry that I might have had was if you were to collect your id and accommodation keys with your family when you first arrive to uni, that your family may realise you don't like using your legal name. After speaking with my boss, we agreed that regarding any specifics around welcome week, we suggest that you contact Student Support and Wellbeing ([email protected]), as they may be able to come up with a solution, and will be best suited to being able to support you, not just for this situation, but also for the other topics I mentioned in my first reply.
Other than that, I honestly believe you'll be fine with using your preferred name whilst at uni, introducing yourself in a manner comfortable to you, and enjoying your university life to the best of your ability.
I hope this has all helped! š
We look forward to seeing you here!
Warm regards,
David š
University of Kent Student Rep
Original post by University of Kent
Hey @Ripley_Kaegonni,
I hope you've been well. š
So, just to finish off and return to some of those nuances I was thinking about.
The only worry that I might have had was if you were to collect your id and accommodation keys with your family when you first arrive to uni, that your family may realise you don't like using your legal name. After speaking with my boss, we agreed that regarding any specifics around welcome week, we suggest that you contact Student Support and Wellbeing ([email protected]), as they may be able to come up with a solution, and will be best suited to being able to support you, not just for this situation, but also for the other topics I mentioned in my first reply.
Other than that, I honestly believe you'll be fine with using your preferred name whilst at uni, introducing yourself in a manner comfortable to you, and enjoying your university life to the best of your ability.
I hope this has all helped! š
We look forward to seeing you here!
Warm regards,
David š
University of Kent Student Rep
I hope you've been well. š
So, just to finish off and return to some of those nuances I was thinking about.
The only worry that I might have had was if you were to collect your id and accommodation keys with your family when you first arrive to uni, that your family may realise you don't like using your legal name. After speaking with my boss, we agreed that regarding any specifics around welcome week, we suggest that you contact Student Support and Wellbeing ([email protected]), as they may be able to come up with a solution, and will be best suited to being able to support you, not just for this situation, but also for the other topics I mentioned in my first reply.
Other than that, I honestly believe you'll be fine with using your preferred name whilst at uni, introducing yourself in a manner comfortable to you, and enjoying your university life to the best of your ability.
I hope this has all helped! š
We look forward to seeing you here!
Warm regards,
David š
University of Kent Student Rep
Thank you so much David for providing me with some solutions, it definitely put my mind a bit more at ease.
Thank you for the help š
Original post by Ripley_Kaegonni
Thank you so much David for providing me with some solutions, it definitely put my mind a bit more at ease.
Thank you for the help š
Thank you for the help š
Hi @Ripley_Kaegonni !
I can see you've been speaking with my colleague David and I'm glad he's been able to put your mind at ease, I also just wanted to let you know we have a very active LGBT+ society and network for you to get involved with if you like, We can't wait to welcome you to the Kent family and I hope you have a wonderful start to your time at Kent.
Best Wishes,
Gabby
Perhaps you could edit the details after you get to uni? And make sure you donāt have any paper letters sent home? If you arenāt using any of your parents finances then it might be a good time to escape your toxic home life. š
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