Is he a psychopath if he can go his whole life with not knowing if he’s got a child?

Not really, I’d probably be the same in that it’s something I wouldn’t care about or wish to be involved with (beyond finances).

Reply 2

Zarek

Some mixture of immaturity and irresponsibility that means he has no regard for the consequences of sexual behaviour and becoming a parent. I don’t think it’s so uncommon and easier for guys to walk away from such responsibilities. Who knows if his feelings might change, I would suspect not. Other perhaps than saying you expect some financial input, I would leave him out of the equation

Reply 3

Rakas21

Original post by Anonymous

For context, I’m pregnant with a guys baby who I dated for a few months, completely unexpected of course. He’s moving to New York just before the baby would be born, so he’s said he can’t be involved, which I’ve accepted. He changes his mind all the time and one day he says he’ll be there for me, and then next he says he doesn’t want to know if I keep it or get an abortion. Last night, he promised he would never contact me again and I asked if I’d do the same. Does this make him insane for then being able to go his whole life with not knowing if there’s a child? And is he likely to try and contact me in the future? Thanks so much, it’s just really bothering me

He has the right to choose his new life over the child even if it makes him morally repugnant as a man and raises severe questions regarding your own judgement.

With that being said, while he can avoid contact with the child until adulthood (provided you are honest with the child), you have the legal right to pursue him financially (and if he has a high flying career in finance or law, you should).

Reply 4

Cotes1

12

I personally don't understand wanting nothing to do with your own child, a child you have contributed to bringing into the world.

Just my opinion.

It doesn't really matter what he is. What matters is that you can move forward and be a great parent on your own, without him.

(edited 6 months ago)

Reply 5

Cotes1

12

Original post by Admit-One

Not really, I’d probably be the same in that it’s something I wouldn’t care about or wish to be involved with (beyond finances).

You would not care?

Are you sure? Sometimes things can change once a child is born.

Reply 6

Original post by Cotes1

You would not care?

Are you sure? Sometimes things can change once a child is born.

No, I despise kids. If an ex partner was moving away then that would simplify things from my POV.

I’m middle aged so opinion unlikely to change and wouldn’t make any difference now if it did.

Reply 7

Cotes1

12

Original post by Admit-One

No, I despise kids. If an ex partner was moving away then that would simplify things from my POV.
I’m middle aged so opinion unlikely to change and wouldn’t make any difference now if it did.

You were a kid once Admit-One🤣

Reply 8

Original post by Cotes1

You were a kid once Admit-One🤣

Fortunately it was a long time ago now :wink:

Reply 9

Ciel.

Original post by Anonymous

For context, I’m pregnant with a guys baby who I dated for a few months, completely unexpected of course. He’s moving to New York just before the baby would be born, so he’s said he can’t be involved, which I’ve accepted. He changes his mind all the time and one day he says he’ll be there for me, and then next he says he doesn’t want to know if I keep it or get an abortion. Last night, he promised he would never contact me again and I asked if I’d do the same. Does this make him insane for then being able to go his whole life with not knowing if there’s a child? And is he likely to try and contact me in the future? Thanks so much, it’s just really bothering me

what do you mean never contact you again? are you crazy, what about child maintenance payments? don't let him off so easily

Reply 10

0

People love to run away from their problems if they get the chance to and a few commenters think this is something that can easily be shoved under the carpet yuck

Reply 11

Original post by Noble.x

People love to run away from their problems if they get the chance to and a few commenters think this is something that can easily be shoved under the carpet yuck

You're allowed to choose not to have any involvement if it works for everyone involved.

Reply 12

artful_lounger

In the same way he can't force you to have a termination, you can't force him to be involved in the child's life.

Reply 13

0

Original post by Admit-One

You're allowed to choose not to have any involvement if it works for everyone involved.

Yh no. No agreement, whether both parties agree or not, can justify abandoning the responsibility for a child

Reply 14

0

Original post by artful_lounger

In the same way he can't force you to have a termination, you can't force him to be involved in the child's life.

Yh but what about the kids right?? They take priority. The child deserves support from both parents regardless of individual preferences.
The fact that personal preference is an option is just silly. Once a child is born, responsibility is no way optional. It’s about the child’s rights and need NOT individual convenience

OP don’t let them convince you it’s acceptable

Can’t believe it wtf

Reply 15

artful_lounger

Original post by Noble.x

Yh but what about the kids right?? They take priority. The child deserves support from both parents regardless of individual preferences.
The fact that personal preference is an option is just silly. Once a child is born, responsibility is no way optional. It’s about the child’s rights and need NOT individual convenience

OP don’t let them convince you it’s acceptable

Can’t believe it wtf

If you believe the child would be so inconvenienced by not having the other biological parent in the picture, then surely the mother has just as much responsibility to consider a termination to "spare" the child from that then? Since that would be clearly considered to be unacceptable to impose upon the mother, it's just as unacceptable to impose a lifetime of parenthood on the other parent who may not have wanted the child.

Not to mention there are plenty of other options anyway. Firstly, divorce is extremely common, including estrangement of a parent. If plenty of existing kids can survive with just their single parent, this hypothetical one. Secondly, there are plenty of options that don't involve termination which could allow the child to have (in theory at least) two loving parents - such as adoption or the mother forming a relationship with someone afterwards who is a step parent. There are plenty of situations where one parent stops being a parent for reasons outside of a choice (such as death or acrimonious divorce with sole custody awarded, or not being informed of the birth in the first place!) and I think it's a little disingenuous to suggest the remaining parent and child(ren) of such families are somehow less than others as a result.

You're also putting far too much stock on the biological parents being involved. As noted plenty of adopted families, blended families, or families who conceive through surrogacy or similar (often due to being unable to have biological children of their own) create perfectly loving and supportive homes for their children. It's far better (and safer) for the child to be in a single parent home with a single loving biological parent than in a broken home with two biological parents, one of whom does not want to be there, or in a blended family with two loving parents (biological and otherwise) or adopted with two loving non-biological parents.

Because forcing the other parent to stay doesn't mean they will love their child. It just means they will be there and remain bitter about it, which will damage the child more than anything as they become aware of this growing up. It's far more mature for that person to recognise they are unable to provide what the child needs and step aside to ensure this does not negatively affect the child than to stick around out of a sense of obligation only.

(edited 6 months ago)

Reply 16

0