advice on my pursuit of medicine

really cliche but from a young age i knew i wanted to be a doctor. throughout my childhood i was fascinated in particular by psychiatry and surgery, i'd watch clips of surgical procedures on youtube, i would play different surgical simulator apps, i would constantly read upon different psychiatric articles, books, the history of it, the practice of psychiatry, i'd talk to a lot of psychiatrists online and i thought the career was so fascinating, rewarding and amazing. academically i was always on top of my class however once covid hit, i had a friend commit.. suffered an abusive relationship with an older man, developed an eating disorder (anorexia binge-purge subtype) and i essentially stopped caring about anything, lost motivation, would skip classes all the time, hardly attended school and so i gave up on my dreams and got subpar gcse's because i didn't revise whatsoever (6's and one 8 and a 5 in maths). i settled on doing law because that is what my mum wanted me to do and as a directionless, depressed 15 year old i listened and picked humanity based a levels (history, philosophy, and english literature). i never ended up applying to uni because i wanted to rethink my choices and do a gap year. i've realized for me that law is a rather unfulliling career and the content and practicing it doesn't interest me very much, i don't have the same passion and fascination with it anywhere near as much as i do with medicine. i've already done a lot of volunteering within care homes, within hospitals and i am currently receiving treatment for my anorexia so i'm in the hospital quite a lot. the work that the doctors put in amazes me and i think it's such a beautiful, fascinating field to go in and i massively regret having not done the correct a levels or caring about my GCSE's. i just don't know what to do now :/ i got A*A*A but i feel i can't even be proud of it. i'm thinking of doing an undergraduate in either english literature, or chemistry, or physics (with a foundation year) and potentially going entering medicine via the grad route but i'm very well aware that it is miles more competitive but i'm extremely hard working and i'm willing to put in my all. the reason why i'm thinking of doing the GEM route is because for one, despite my love and passion for medicine, the current issues within the NHS does deter me slightly and i do feel like it is a very big decision to make at 18, furthermore given my current eating disorder (which i am receiving treatment for and i do hope to recover from) i feel like i won't be able to handle the weight of medicine at an undergrad level not only because of the amount of studying but also the physical side of clinical practice. having said that, ofc i don't intend on doing an undergraduate degree for the sole purpose of getting into medicine because i understand that's a silly idea given the competitiveness of it as well as the amount of debt i'd be in, so if i decide i won't pursue medicine at the end of my undergrad i hope to become a teacher. and going into teaching isn't something that i want to do just because i'd have no clue what to do at the end of the three years but rather because it is also something else that i'm passionate about as ultimately the career i want in life is one that is fulfilling and helps people in some way. essentially i'm torn between the two and i'm hoping within those three years, with sufficient work experience, recovery hopefully from my stupid disorder, life experience and a lot more thinking in general, and the hope that the NHS does improve (likely not the case :/) then i will be able to make the decision and eventually pursue either two of the careers.
sorry for the sob story i really don't hope for pity or anything, just a background of why i didn't pursue medicine straight out of secondary school, and i'm sorry if i come across as rambly or incoherent. my route is super unconventional and i'd just like to hear other people's thoughts on it. thank you <3
sorry if wrong forum as well!

I did graduate entry medicine after going through a similar experience in the sense that I struggled mentally for a while with what to do. Happy to discuss if you have questions. But honestly don't stress yourself too much, there are so many things that can be done in the world that are fulfilling and rewarding in a way that medicine isn't sometimes. So take a step back and be patient. Happy to discuss your personal motives more and your personal thoughts, but medicine does have lots of disadvantages so it isn't the perfect solution it can sometimes seem like it is

agreed. there are so many cons within working as a doctor particularly in the NHS and i feel as though at 18 i have too much of an idealistic image of what it actually entails, it's far too heavy of a decision to make at my age paired amongst other issues i have. with my undegrad i hope to keep as many options open but to be honest i don't see myself happy in any career besides teaching and medicine. i'd hate to work in finance, in an office, as a lawyer or pretty much any field, i just can't see it. my motivation is ultimately to be able to help people. i love medicine as a course as well because of how heavy it is.. sounds super bizarre but i genuinely love learning and studying so much, the fact that it's basically life long learning is something that i also really love. new advancements all the time. another thing is that i come from a very poor background, so studying medicine would also be a more viable option for me in terms of social mobility, money is so far from being my key motivator but it important to me. can i ask, what were your views of medicine initially like, and what are they now? and what undergrad did you pursue? thank you 🙂

There are many, many more careers that help people aside from medicine. It sounds like you have been and are still going through a tough time, so you are right not to rush things. Id also argue that although medicine is a tough course, studying any degree has its own unique challenges and stressors, so i would definitely recommend making sure your own mental health is stable before you jump into a degree of any kind. If you really want to do medicine take more time out, get more hands on experience in healthcare and just apply for medicine as a first degree. No reason why you should make things harder for yourself, both in time, competition and financially just for the sake of it.
Take care,
Greg

ofc, i completely agree that there are many other careers that are focused on helping others e.g. teaching, social work, counselling, etc. each of these play a massive role in improving people’s lives. however, with medicine i believe there's a unique intensity and direct impact. you're dealing with situations that are critical to a person's survival or long-term quality of life, and the knowledge and skills required to make a difference are highly specialised and deeply technical. in other professions such as the ones i've named, whilst the impact is also meaningful, the scope of responsibility in medicine involves life-saving decisions or treatments that have immediate, tangible effects on someone’s health. that depth is what makes medicine stand out to me. u're not just improving lives, a lot of the times you’re preserving them. that, to me, is a level of impact that’s hard to match in other fields which is what draws me into it. ideally with the costs of tuition fees and the horrific amount of debt i'd be in going into medicine straight as an undergrad doesn't seem too feasible to me given that i've done the incorrect a levels paired with the fact that my mum wants me to start university straight away rather than just delaying it for another year or so, which isn't something that i really have a say in. in fact she hates the fact that i'm even on a gap year and she was close to just forcing me to pick a random clearing course just for the sake i go into uni. she's not really supportive, she's completely unaware of how university even works and for her she doesn't care about how much debt i'm in because she's convinced that i want to move away with her to another country when i graduate.. which is again, something i have no say in lmao (i'm obviously not gonna listen to her) but yeah that's just a whole other issue.

I did graduate entry medicine after going through a similar experience in the sense that I struggled mentally for a while with what to do. Happy to discuss if you have questions. But honestly don't stress yourself too much, there are so many things that can be done in the world that are fulfilling and rewarding in a way that medicine isn't sometimes. So take a step back and be patient. Happy to discuss your personal motives more and your personal thoughts, but medicine does have lots of disadvantages so it isn't the perfect solution it can sometimes seem like it is