Parents being overprotective or not
I live in London and “moved” into my accommodation yesterday on Sunday, I’m going into first year and my accom is very good. En-suite bathroom so I have full privacy . My family house is 30 minutes away from accom by bus. When I moved in both my parents accompanied me at the reception and to my room, since I’m ground floor I have a giant window which leads straight into the outside main road so people on the pavement can see into my room from outside (if I open curtains)
This closeness has caused me some issues because instead of moving in with everyone at the same day my parents want me to take a week to move in which is kind of ridiculous. Telling me not to pack anything on arrival day just to collect the key and go back home. That happened yesterday but I managed to unpack some things as well, we went back home and I slept at home instead of spending my first night meeting people there. Today comes and I woke up at 6am left home to have breakfast there and meet with everyone which went better than expected as everyone seems to be in the same boat (I sometimes get nervous meeting new people) but today my parents decided to bring me back home to sleep again because I don’t have a duvet and it arrives on Wednesday. Which isn’t true because I do have one, it’s just too big. They plan on doing the same thing tomorrow and I’m just wondering if they’re being a bit too controlling. They pick me up in a car at 10pm and I take the bus to accom at 7am instead of sleeping there because my “duvet is too big” (it’s not even double the size, and it’s too big for my bed at home anyways which never made a difference) . Honestly I think it’s just a coverup because originally they didn’t want me to pack anything and they wanted me to stay at home for the week after my arrival date. The main issue for me is that this is a crucial time to meet new people, something I need to do and experience in full, or maybe I’m over exaggerating. They’ve also said I need to call them twice a day in the morning and before I go to bed. They’ve joked about visiting me outside my window if I don’t respond as well but now it’s not really that funny. Idk I feel like they’re restricting me, today for example I called my mum multiple times honestly because I was bored and just updated her on my day when I ate and the progress of the room so maybe this is my dependency issue? This stops me from making friends so I don’t have many now, I just wanted some outside perspective because I do feel like I’m missing out.
This closeness has caused me some issues because instead of moving in with everyone at the same day my parents want me to take a week to move in which is kind of ridiculous. Telling me not to pack anything on arrival day just to collect the key and go back home. That happened yesterday but I managed to unpack some things as well, we went back home and I slept at home instead of spending my first night meeting people there. Today comes and I woke up at 6am left home to have breakfast there and meet with everyone which went better than expected as everyone seems to be in the same boat (I sometimes get nervous meeting new people) but today my parents decided to bring me back home to sleep again because I don’t have a duvet and it arrives on Wednesday. Which isn’t true because I do have one, it’s just too big. They plan on doing the same thing tomorrow and I’m just wondering if they’re being a bit too controlling. They pick me up in a car at 10pm and I take the bus to accom at 7am instead of sleeping there because my “duvet is too big” (it’s not even double the size, and it’s too big for my bed at home anyways which never made a difference) . Honestly I think it’s just a coverup because originally they didn’t want me to pack anything and they wanted me to stay at home for the week after my arrival date. The main issue for me is that this is a crucial time to meet new people, something I need to do and experience in full, or maybe I’m over exaggerating. They’ve also said I need to call them twice a day in the morning and before I go to bed. They’ve joked about visiting me outside my window if I don’t respond as well but now it’s not really that funny. Idk I feel like they’re restricting me, today for example I called my mum multiple times honestly because I was bored and just updated her on my day when I ate and the progress of the room so maybe this is my dependency issue? This stops me from making friends so I don’t have many now, I just wanted some outside perspective because I do feel like I’m missing out.
Hi!
Are you the last child amongst your siblings? or an only child? I do agree that a big window into the street is dangerous, especially if you are a woman (don't know if you are just specifying). However if it is into the student campus there is far less risks, although you might want to stay vigilant - never hurts, the other way does.Nonetheless, this is where you will spend the rest of the year, so your parents reaction is more about delaying you "leaving the nest" than protecting you. Take a step back: it is understandable! They love you and are afraid of you leaving. It also means the end of an era for them... Maybe if you tell them that you will come regularly (considering the fact that they are 30mn away) they might relax? For example, I dunno, tell them you will come back home for Sunday lunches (and stick to it). It helps them transition. Remember they are flawed humans too, see their weakness and help them the same way they probably did countless times before. So go ahead, put down your boundaries, show them that you are responsible enough to handle this new era but still reassure them that they are still important in your life, just in a different way...
Anyways that's just my thoughts, good luck!
Are you the last child amongst your siblings? or an only child? I do agree that a big window into the street is dangerous, especially if you are a woman (don't know if you are just specifying). However if it is into the student campus there is far less risks, although you might want to stay vigilant - never hurts, the other way does.Nonetheless, this is where you will spend the rest of the year, so your parents reaction is more about delaying you "leaving the nest" than protecting you. Take a step back: it is understandable! They love you and are afraid of you leaving. It also means the end of an era for them... Maybe if you tell them that you will come regularly (considering the fact that they are 30mn away) they might relax? For example, I dunno, tell them you will come back home for Sunday lunches (and stick to it). It helps them transition. Remember they are flawed humans too, see their weakness and help them the same way they probably did countless times before. So go ahead, put down your boundaries, show them that you are responsible enough to handle this new era but still reassure them that they are still important in your life, just in a different way...
Anyways that's just my thoughts, good luck!
Original post by Desesperate hlp
Hi!
Are you the last child amongst your siblings? or an only child? I do agree that a big window into the street is dangerous, especially if you are a woman (don't know if you are just specifying). However if it is into the student campus there is far less risks, although you might want to stay vigilant - never hurts, the other way does.Nonetheless, this is where you will spend the rest of the year, so your parents reaction is more about delaying you "leaving the nest" than protecting you. Take a step back: it is understandable! They love you and are afraid of you leaving. It also means the end of an era for them... Maybe if you tell them that you will come regularly (considering the fact that they are 30mn away) they might relax? For example, I dunno, tell them you will come back home for Sunday lunches (and stick to it). It helps them transition. Remember they are flawed humans too, see their weakness and help them the same way they probably did countless times before. So go ahead, put down your boundaries, show them that you are responsible enough to handle this new era but still reassure them that they are still important in your life, just in a different way...
Anyways that's just my thoughts, good luck!
Are you the last child amongst your siblings? or an only child? I do agree that a big window into the street is dangerous, especially if you are a woman (don't know if you are just specifying). However if it is into the student campus there is far less risks, although you might want to stay vigilant - never hurts, the other way does.Nonetheless, this is where you will spend the rest of the year, so your parents reaction is more about delaying you "leaving the nest" than protecting you. Take a step back: it is understandable! They love you and are afraid of you leaving. It also means the end of an era for them... Maybe if you tell them that you will come regularly (considering the fact that they are 30mn away) they might relax? For example, I dunno, tell them you will come back home for Sunday lunches (and stick to it). It helps them transition. Remember they are flawed humans too, see their weakness and help them the same way they probably did countless times before. So go ahead, put down your boundaries, show them that you are responsible enough to handle this new era but still reassure them that they are still important in your life, just in a different way...
Anyways that's just my thoughts, good luck!
Hi! I’m the oldest of 2 and I’m a girl so yes, reading your post made me understand a lot of things so thank you very much, the window is open to a street but opposite my hall is a student campus, college itself so it’s relatively safe I suppose. I read your message when you posted it, things got slightly better but they got even worse again even though I tried. This time them delaying giving me my passport despite me needing it for tomorrow and asking yesterday when I arrived mid day to collect it they “haven’t found it” when they know where it is. I tried to be understanding I texted them back I went back home but it really just seems like they want to have some control over me. (FYI I was home on Tuesday moved back in the evening with company and I went back home for Thursday Friday and Saturday. Also they didn’t want me to bring my pc (very portable) or monitor or gaming console which I think is their incentive for me to come back. FYI I don’t have a laptop only an iPad so it’s a bit difficult. I tried but it’s just not working out.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi! I’m the oldest of 2 and I’m a girl so yes, reading your post made me understand a lot of things so thank you very much, the window is open to a street but opposite my hall is a student campus, college itself so it’s relatively safe I suppose. I read your message when you posted it, things got slightly better but they got even worse again even though I tried. This time them delaying giving me my passport despite me needing it for tomorrow and asking yesterday when I arrived mid day to collect it they “haven’t found it” when they know where it is. I tried to be understanding I texted them back I went back home but it really just seems like they want to have some control over me. (FYI I was home on Tuesday moved back in the evening with company and I went back home for Thursday Friday and Saturday. Also they didn’t want me to bring my pc (very portable) or monitor or gaming console which I think is their incentive for me to come back. FYI I don’t have a laptop only an iPad so it’s a bit difficult. I tried but it’s just not working out.
Hey, so sorry to hear that. You do not deserve to be stuck in such a place! Considering the fact that they are only 30 mn away, could you ask for keys of the house ("to be able to come back whenever") and go get your stuff while they are at work? Don't hesitate to talk to friends about it, they might help you resource wise in the mean time. If the situation perdures, would there be an on campus psychologist/counselor that could help you with further resources?
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