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Guys, I told my gf to not touch me in public, she became distant. I need advices?

I'm a 24M, and my girlfriend (23F) and I have been together for 8 months. It feels like longer because we've been through a lot. What initially attracted me to her was her looks, but she wasn't the best at communicating. Still, her laughter drew me in.

From the start, she acted like we’d known each other for years. She always plans our dates, and I usually just pay. But here’s the thing—my girlfriend grabs a lot of attention wherever we go. She’s very pretty, and the way she walks, laughs, and dresses makes everyone stare at her. I know she’s not trying to get attention, but her whole vibe draws eyes.

On top of that, she's much more sexually forward than I am. For example, when we’re at a party or even at a movie, she’ll pull me aside and ask me to touch her or kiss her. She’s not shy about it at all. She’s always initiating things, and I get worried people will notice, or that it’s too much for public spaces.

One time, at my family’s house, she went to the car to “grab something” and called me out there just to ask me to touch her. She put my hand in her p***sy and rubbed it with it, she was wet wet. It's honestly overwhelming, and I started feeling uncomfortable, especially in public. i feel embarrassed and ashamed. its as if everyone will see us, maybe they will notice her. i know her horny eyes, what if others see her?

In class, she’ll link arms with me or touch my hands constantly.

I finally asked her to stop touching me in public, which upset her. She said she acts this way because she’s happy and likes me. Now, she’s stopped all of her usual behavior, and for the past 8 days, she’s been distant, treating me like everyone else.

What do i do? did you ever experience anything like this? i am sorry if you arent used to questions like this but i need public opinion.
Original post by Mrhazy
I'm a 24M, and my girlfriend (23F) and I have been together for 8 months. It feels like longer because we've been through a lot. What initially attracted me to her was her looks, but she wasn't the best at communicating. Still, her laughter drew me in.
From the start, she acted like we’d known each other for years. She always plans our dates, and I usually just pay. But here’s the thing—my girlfriend grabs a lot of attention wherever we go. She’s very pretty, and the way she walks, laughs, and dresses makes everyone stare at her. I know she’s not trying to get attention, but her whole vibe draws eyes.
On top of that, she's much more sexually forward than I am. For example, when we’re at a party or even at a movie, she’ll pull me aside and ask me to touch her or kiss her. She’s not shy about it at all. She’s always initiating things, and I get worried people will notice, or that it’s too much for public spaces.
One time, at my family’s house, she went to the car to “grab something” and called me out there just to ask me to touch her. She put my hand in her p***sy and rubbed it with it, she was wet wet. It's honestly overwhelming, and I started feeling uncomfortable, especially in public. i feel embarrassed and ashamed. its as if everyone will see us, maybe they will notice her. i know her horny eyes, what if others see her?
In class, she’ll link arms with me or touch my hands constantly.
I finally asked her to stop touching me in public, which upset her. She said she acts this way because she’s happy and likes me. Now, she’s stopped all of her usual behavior, and for the past 8 days, she’s been distant, treating me like everyone else.
What do i do? did you ever experience anything like this? i am sorry if you arent used to questions like this but i need public opinion.

I’d maybe sit down and distinguish what type of touching bothers you exactly. Tell her that you don’t mind handholding or a quick peck, but that sexual touching in public crosses a line.

Reassure her that you care about her, and are attracted to her, because she might have understood you asking her not to touch you in public as a rejection or lack of attraction to her.

Be very clear in your communication of boundaries, and what is and isn’t ok for you. If she still continues to cross them after that, then she’s not respecting your boundaries and you might need to rethink if a relationship where your boundaries don’t matter is right for you.
You're going to lose her. Because
She plans all the dates.
You usually just pay, even though you're a student.
You worry too much about what other people will think.
You asked her to stop touching you in public.
She has plenty of options.

You could turn this around if
You took the lead more on planning and organising dates
You display more mental and emotional strength.
You tolerate her "faults".
You don't try to change her. And you don't try to change her behaviour.
You do not bring up the subject of her touching you in public for at least 6 months.
You maintain a solidly good mood with plentiful amounts of humour, positivity, enthusiasm.
Original post by Anonymous
I’d maybe sit down and distinguish what type of touching bothers you exactly. Tell her that you don’t mind handholding or a quick peck, but that sexual touching in public crosses a line.
Reassure her that you care about her, and are attracted to her, because she might have understood you asking her not to touch you in public as a rejection or lack of attraction to her.
Be very clear in your communication of boundaries, and what is and isn’t ok for you. If she still continues to cross them after that, then she’s not respecting your boundaries and you might need to rethink if a relationship where your boundaries don’t matter is right for you.

Well, first of all - you sound like a lucky dude: she's fun, she's vibrant, she's chatty - and she's pretty. Agreed with other people that overtly sexual behaviour in public is OFF (the car story!! IN-appropriate! I had to wipe the vomit off my shoes - joke!). So, yes, it is a question of setting those boundaries (eg ''I love how affectionate you are, but not when it veers into public displays of sexual stuff - let's save that for when we're alone''). That sort of stuff is cringey for everyone else in the room and they won't want to hang out with you two if this continues. You definitely shouldn't be paying for everything - that's insane! It's 2024, not 1974! The fact that she plans everything seems really unbalanced: What about you? What would YOU like to do? Do you ever make suggestions? Reading through the lines, I think that she's probably quite sensitive and possibly a bit insecure. She's doing everything she can to make you happy and to 'want' her. She needs to chill. But be kind, and suggest a lovely date: something romantic and thoughtful. Forget about anywhere that involves paying (BOOOR-ING). How about an autumn picnic with yummy food and a nice bottle of wine? She's hurt - this will help to make things better. C x
Reply 4
Sounds like a problem many would be happy to have. More seriously I would a build a bridge and try to influence more subtly. tmi on the car story

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