Friendship advice

I’ve isolated myself with my friend ( she has social anxiety but we aren't that close so it's honestly quiet when together 🥲) from year 9 onwards, I’m in year 11 now. I want to make new friends but whenever I go up to someone my mind goes blank, my heart races and I get nervous, what should I do? How could I approach a person and ask to be friends ?? Do I just say “Hi, how are you? I was wondering if you’d like to be friends and get to know each other. “ 😮*💨

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

Alright... firstly, take a deep breath and relax... I mean it, BREATHE!!!

It's really not that big a deal, and even if they aren't interested in talking to you, think of it as their loss and not yours.

Within these kind of situations, the trick is to try and immediately build a rapport with people. You could use some of the surroundings as an ice breaker (e.g. is there a crazy teacher? Some difficult homework? Some sports event? Whatever's trending on Reality TV or Netflix; You could even use Halloween as a conversation starter). Personally, I wouldn't go up and just ask someone if they'd like to be friends, from my experience, most friendship start off as casual encounters and then they grow over time and as you see them more.

Still, having said that, a useful mnemonic when getting to know new people is the FOREplay protocol, I'll try and explain:-
F:- Family:- Ask about their background, do they have brothers and sisters, where are they originally from etc.
O:- Occupation:- What would they like to do as a living, do they have a plan to get there
R:- Recreation:- What hobbies do they have? What do they like to do in their spare time? What TV shows do they like etc.
E:- Education:- What subjects are they doing for their GCSE's DO they want to go to Uni or start earning money as soon as possible?

The trick to do is listen to what they say, and then ask leading questions based on whatever they've responded with. The key here is to come across as pleasantly intrigued without coming across as "nosey" or like you're giving them the Spanish Inquisition.

(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 2

N1c0l3z

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Alright... firstly, take a deep breath and relax... I mean it, BREATHE!!!
It's really not that big a deal, and even if they aren't interested in talking to you, think of it as their loss and not yours.
Within these kind of situations, the trick is to try and immediately build a rapport with people. You could use some of the surroundings as an ice breaker (e.g. is there a crazy teacher? Some difficult homework? Some sports event? Whatever's trending on Reality TV or Netflix; You could even use Halloween as a conversation starter). Personally, I wouldn't go up and just ask someone if they'd like to be friends, from my experience, most friendship start off as casual encounters and then they grow over time and as you see them more.
Still, having said that, a useful mnemonic when getting to know new people is the FOREplay protocol, I'll try and explain:-
F:- Family:- Ask about their background, do they have brothers and sisters, where are they originally from etc.
O:- Occupation:- What would they like to do as a living, do they have a plan to get there
R:- Recreation:- What hobbies do they have? What do they like to do in their spare time? What TV shows do they like etc.
E:- Education:- What subjects are they doing for their GCSE's DO they want to go to Uni or start earning money as soon as possible?
The trick to do is listen to what they say, and then ask leading questions based on whatever they've responded with. The key here is to come across as pleasantly intrigued without coming across as "nosey" or like you're giving them the Spanish Inquisition.

Thank you!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by N1c0l3z

You could start with a “Hi, smile and compliment a specific thing they are wearing that caught your attention then compliment them generally” or “hi, and ask for a light help along with a good smile, thank them and compliment them at the end of the conversation e.g oh, you look good by the way or you smell so nice I like/ love your fragrance”.

You just need to find an activity you and your friend would love or help your friend get over her anxiety without pushing it or making her feel less.
I would assume your friendship has grown to be able to have a silent moment without it getting awkward.