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Struggling to make friends at uni.

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.

The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.

I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.

I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.

Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

Reply 1

mike23mike

A great way to be part of the different networks is to join different societies - 2 to 3 is a good number. You will then be socialising with like-minded people - individuals who share the same interests as you e.g. Chess, Sci-fi etc. Once you are in the societies step up and take on a role in the committee e.g. finance officer, entertainments rep etc.

For your course and even for each class there are class reps. Again, volunteer to take on some of these rep roles. This will put you in a position where you can mix with others on the course or class.

Its not easy if you are introverted and if you are commuting and not in Halls. Don't give up.

Reply 2

Analyst89

Original post by Anonymous

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.
The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.
I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.
I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.
Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

Initiate conversations. Ask them about what degree subject they are studying, why they picked it, what is their ambitions.

Reply 3

Analyst89

Original post by Anonymous

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.
The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.
I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.
I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.
Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

There is a lot of support out there such as:

-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day

-Mind, 0300 123 3393

-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm

-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm

-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service

-Crises, 741741, text service

-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress

-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927

-No Panic, 0800 138 8889

-Relate, they have a chat advisor

-NHS mental health, 111

-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516

-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area

You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.There is the mind forum

Also Facebook groups

You can join support groups

You can contact a crises team if things get very bad Plenty of resources online, infor mation regarding well being.

Reply 4

University of Bradford

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.
The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.
I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.
I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.
Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

Hey! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to put yourself out there and make friends, joining a society is great! Which society are you a part of? 🙂 Are there any upcoming society events that you could go to?

You could also look into volunteering opportunities on campus or becoming a student ambassador as ways of meeting new people and hopefully forming strong friendships.

Could you maybe suggest to people in your lectures that you could all go to the library to study together, then if that happens, you can start saying lets go grab a coffee after or go for a walk to take a break from studies.

Another thing is check out any events your students' union is holding, any get togethers, weekly walks, day trips etc. Just keep trying to put yourself out there and be open to all new opportunities and experiences. I hope you meet some wonderful people soon, I believe in you!

Becky

Reply 5

University of Portsmouth Student Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.
The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.
I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.
I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.
Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

Hi there! Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

The speed at which people find "their group" at uni varies for individuals, and it's important to remember that relationships and friendships will fluctuate throughout your degree, so try not to worry that you don't feel completely settled in a group yet. It's still very early days!

It's great that you've joined a society to meet people, personally I have found that the best way to meet people throughout my degree, as you share interests already! I would definitely say it's a good idea to stay involved with the people you've already met there, and keep attending society events - you may even find that some people share the same course as you! Also, if there is another society that you're interested in joining, then it could be a good idea to give that a go, and expand your circle that way!

Volunteering or becoming a student ambassador is another great way to meet people, as has already been mentioned, but I would also keep an eye out for Student Union run events if your university has those, as they may be a great way to meet people too!

Also, don't forget to make use of your university's support services if you need help, some external services are already in this thread, but your university's wellbeing service might be able to give you some support more specific to you.

I hope this helps,

Eryn - Portsmouth Student Rep 🙂

Reply 6

Exlibris2

Original post by Anonymous

Hello everyone,
I’ll preface this by saying that i commute to uni. I live 15 minutes away and suffer from mental health issues which made moving out for uni not an option.
The past week, I’ve been struggling immensely with making friends. There have been many days where I’ve cried in public because I’ve been sat by myself and I’ve seen these massive groups of friends walking past whilst I’ve not managed to make a single friend.
On my course, I got put into a group but it felt like every time i tried to speak, I was ignored and looked down on, only getting given one word replies so I don’t sit with those people in lectures anymore.
I’ve joined a society, which I’m enjoying so far, but I feel like i don’t have any friends outside of this society. I don’t have anyone who messages me outside of lecture hours or asks to meet up, I’m just constantly by myself.
I definitely think that I wouldn’t feel as bad if i had friends from secondary school. I don’t have any friends due to my old friend group replacing me with someone else and ignoring me.
Has anyone got any tips for making friends? As I said it just feels like everyone already has their group and I’m just stood at the side watching. Thanks.

Maybe form a study group with some people on your course?
The group you have been allocated to - maybe initiate a project or study time together with the others?
maybe get together to share notes or share what you all got out of a lecture - everyone has a different understanding of way of seeing things.

Try talking in the group you have been allocated to again - or talk/connectionto them as individuals if you can .

Good luck -

Reply 7

kipford

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with making friends at university. It's a common challenge, especially for commuter students, but there are ways to improve your situation. Here are some tips and thoughts that might help:
Understand that you're not alone
Many students, even those who appear to be in large groups, may be feeling similarly lonely or unsure. The beginning of university can be a challenging time for social connections.
Expand your social opportunities

Join more societies or clubs: Since you're enjoying the one you've joined, consider joining others that align with your interests.

Attend campus events: Look for movie nights, game nights, or other social gatherings organized by the university.

Study groups: Form or join study groups for your courses. This can be a great way to meet people with similar academic interests.

Improve your approach

Practice active listening: Show genuine interest in others by asking questions about their experiences and opinions.

Be proactive: Instead of waiting for invitations, try initiating conversations or suggesting meet-ups yourself.

Work on your self-confidence: Remember that you have value to offer in friendships. Your experiences and perspectives are unique and interesting.

Seek support

University counseling services: Many universities offer free counseling, which can help with both your mental health and social skills.

Peer mentoring programs: Check if your university has a program where upper-year students mentor new students.

Be patient and persistent
Building meaningful friendships takes time. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen immediately. Keep putting yourself out there and remain open to new connections.
Consider online communities
Join online forums or social media groups related to your university or interests. This can be a less intimidating way to start conversations and potentially lead to in-person meetups.Remember, it's quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. Focus on gradually building genuine connections rather than trying to form a large group all at once. Your situation can and will improve with time and effort.