The Student Room Group

Is this harrassment?

I was speaking to someone on an online dating app about a year ago, we exchanged numbers and carried on talking but it never went anywhere so I just ghosted the other person and never heard from them again. I also deleted their number.

A few months ago I started getting messages saying "hello" or "how are you?" that sort of thing but just kept ignoring them as I didn't recognise the number and just deleted the messages straight away as I thought it could have been a wrong number.

Another few months went by and I forgot about these messages, yesterday I get a text saying "hi long time no speak" so I message this person back asking who they are. They tell me it is the person I was talking to about a year ago. To be polite I send a few messages back and forth but then also tell them I am now in a relationship. The other person wasn't aggressive or anything like that but in the end I just decided to block them to make my life easier.

Does all what has happened class as harrassment? The other persons messages weren't aggressive or anything just literally saying hello but over a period of a few months.

Reply 1

Original post by Anonymous
I was speaking to someone on an online dating app about a year ago, we exchanged numbers and carried on talking but it never went anywhere so I just ghosted the other person and never heard from them again. I also deleted their number.
A few months ago I started getting messages saying "hello" or "how are you?" that sort of thing but just kept ignoring them as I didn't recognise the number and just deleted the messages straight away as I thought it could have been a wrong number.
Another few months went by and I forgot about these messages, yesterday I get a text saying "hi long time no speak" so I message this person back asking who they are. They tell me it is the person I was talking to about a year ago. To be polite I send a few messages back and forth but then also tell them I am now in a relationship. The other person wasn't aggressive or anything like that but in the end I just decided to block them to make my life easier.
Does all what has happened class as harrassment? The other persons messages weren't aggressive or anything just literally saying hello but over a period of a few months.

Er, no.

Reply 2

Original post by ageshallnot
Er, no.

So now that I've blocked their number I should just leave it at that? There is no point in me reporting them?

Reply 3

Original post by Anonymous
So now that I've blocked their number I should just leave it at that? There is no point in me reporting them?

Nope, none at all. A complete waste of effort on everyone's behalf.
A handful of polite, unsolicited messages is not harassment. Especially as you engaged with them previously and again more recently.

Reply 5

Original post by Anonymous
So now that I've blocked their number I should just leave it at that? There is no point in me reporting them?

Why the hell would you report them? You don't get to ghost people like a coward for an easy life then moan that they aren't clear on where they stand with you.

The fact you would even consider trying to cause them legal trouble after blocking makes you sound positively awful.

Reply 6

Original post by Admit-One
A handful of polite, unsolicited messages is not harassment. Especially as you engaged with them previously and again more recently.

So because I spoke to them a year ago and then again yesterday means they haven't done anything wrong by messaging me numerous times in between?
Original post by Anonymous
So because I spoke to them a year ago and then again yesterday means they haven't done anything wrong by messaging me numerous times in between?


Not really, no.

You didn't ask them to stop messaging you. They got in touch again and you responded. It wasn't as if they showed up at your door or got your new number from a friend or did anything weird. They just got in touch after a gap and you replied to them.

If you dont want someone to message you, you either need to tell them or block them. It's not a police matter.

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous
So because I spoke to them a year ago and then again yesterday means they haven't done anything wrong by messaging me numerous times in between?

Nope.

Reply 9

It not harassment because you gave them your number, you didn’t tell then you didn’t want to be contacted, you replied to their message and they weren’t aggressive

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous
I was speaking to someone on an online dating app about a year ago, we exchanged numbers and carried on talking but it never went anywhere so I just ghosted the other person and never heard from them again. I also deleted their number.
A few months ago I started getting messages saying "hello" or "how are you?" that sort of thing but just kept ignoring them as I didn't recognise the number and just deleted the messages straight away as I thought it could have been a wrong number.
Another few months went by and I forgot about these messages, yesterday I get a text saying "hi long time no speak" so I message this person back asking who they are. They tell me it is the person I was talking to about a year ago. To be polite I send a few messages back and forth but then also tell them I am now in a relationship. The other person wasn't aggressive or anything like that but in the end I just decided to block them to make my life easier.
Does all what has happened class as harrassment? The other persons messages weren't aggressive or anything just literally saying hello but over a period of a few months.

it's not enough to be considered harassment, but i get it.
sorry that people are being so judgemental in the comments. some people just don't get it. 'oh its bad to ghost people'. but usually when you tell guys that you're not interested and want to stop talking to them they either just get more pushy or get straight up angry.
i always ghost or block too
(edited 9 months ago)

Reply 11

Original post by Ciel.
it's not enough to be considered harassment, but i get it.
sorry that people are being so judgemental in the comments. some people just don't get it. 'oh its bad to ghost people'. but usually when you tell guys that you're not interested and want to stop talking to them they either just get more pushy or get straight up angry.
i always ghost or block too

Am I wrong? I obv think ghosting is a coward move but I'll grant sometimes it may be the best choice, but I stand by the logic that if you ghost someone you have little complaint if they don't read your mind or take the invisible hint, that's what you get when you aren't straight with people.

Likewise, to consider causing them to be arrested or investigated because you lack the nerve to just say you're not into them and don't want to keep talking is s a total **** move.

Reply 12

Original post by StriderHort
Am I wrong? I obv think ghosting is a coward move but I'll grant sometimes it may be the best choice, but I stand by the logic that if you ghost someone you have little complaint if they don't read your mind or take the invisible hint, that's what you get when you aren't straight with people.
Likewise, to consider causing them to be arrested or investigated because you lack the nerve to just say you're not into them and don't want to keep talking is s a total **** move.

have you ever tried telling a man no when they're into you? sure, like a lot of guys are normal and will move on, like any sane person would. but some guys are straight up crazy and refuse to 'give up' because they like a challenge of whatever. some will get straight up mad and start accusing you of leading them on or worse. they don't want to hear the truth. they don't want to be told 'hey i'm not actually into you' because it hurts their pride
so yeah, i absolutely don't see ghosting as wrong... imho, ghosting in itself is the biggest hint you can give someone.

but yeah a few texts isn't enough to report someone, that's for sure

Reply 13

Original post by Ciel.
have you ever tried telling a man no when they're into you? sure, like a lot of guys are normal and will move on, like any sane person would. but some guys are straight up crazy and refuse to 'give up' because they like a challenge of whatever. some will get straight up mad and start accusing you of leading them on or worse. they don't want to hear the truth. they don't want to be told 'hey i'm not actually into you' because it hurts their pride
so yeah, i absolutely don't see ghosting as wrong... imho, ghosting in itself is the biggest hint you can give someone.
but yeah a few texts isn't enough to report someone, that's for sure

Again, I'm not asking why you would ghost someone, I'm pointing out that it's the deliberate opposite of clear communication and you have to take some responsibility for that.

Reply 14

Original post by StriderHort
Again, I'm not asking why you would ghost someone, I'm pointing out that it's the deliberate opposite of clear communication and you have to take some responsibility for that.

maybe i'm dumb but i honestly don't see how it's the opposite of clear communication tbh. you literally disappear from their life, so that's a pretty clear sign you want nothing to do with them.

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