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Any advice? First time ive talked about my feelings

A warm greetings to you all,

I'm struggling with persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, and worthlessness. I've been feeling this way for a long time (by a long time I mean since year 7), and it's affecting my energy, sleep, and overall well-being. Some nights I can't sleep, while other times I sleep too much. My confidence feels completely eroded.

It feels like I’m disconnected from everyone around me. I find it hard to express my true emotions to friends or family, so I bottle everything up. Even though I want someone to listen and care, I’m scared of being judged or losing the few connections I have. I often feel like I have to lie or simulate interest in things just to fit in. Most people around me don’t seem to share my real interests, like debates, documentaries, or studies. It makes me feel abnormal, alienated, and out of place.

On my first day of primary school when I moved, I was told, "You don't belong in this school." In year 3, I was beaten up by a year 5 student for no reason. I used to talk to myself, imagining I was in a TV show where fake people would validate me because I had no one else to talk to. I cried every day in my sleep during that time. In secondary school, I was intensely bullied in year 7 and year 8, and from year 9 through the end of college, I self-isolated.

I always feel like I am in control of a game—controlling certain scenarios just to try and feel a sense of authentic connection or memory. Lying is how I got friends in secondary school. If I didn’t lie, I couldn't imagine being stuck like I was in primary, sitting alone on a bench, watching others, and feeling envious of the connections they had. This feeling of needing to fabricate to belong makes me hate myself.

To the naked eye, I look fine. I’m always nice to everybody, and no one truly knows how I feel. Legitimately, and literally, no one. It’s exhausting, and I’m tired of it.

Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot to cope with these emotions. I can’t feel happiness anymore, and nothing truly makes me happy. I desperately want to feel validated, to be listened to, and to be hugged or cared for.

Despite these feelings, I’ve never had thoughts of self-harm or suicide. However, I feel stuck in a cycle of negativity and isolation, and I don’t know how to break free from it. I don’t feel ready to talk to a professional, but I’m trying to find ways to manage on my own. Right now, I just want to feel understood and validated.

Had to get this off my chest. Just been feeling awful lately - can only take so much.
Try opening up to just one person to begin with- maybe a friend or family member who might understand you.
Try online counselling maybe if you would prefer and be honest if you do
Consider joining some groups relating to your interests and be honest about yourself
I hope things get better for you 🙂
Original post by Anonymous
A warm greetings to you all,
I'm struggling with persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, and worthlessness. I've been feeling this way for a long time (by a long time I mean since year 7), and it's affecting my energy, sleep, and overall well-being. Some nights I can't sleep, while other times I sleep too much. My confidence feels completely eroded.
It feels like I’m disconnected from everyone around me. I find it hard to express my true emotions to friends or family, so I bottle everything up. Even though I want someone to listen and care, I’m scared of being judged or losing the few connections I have. I often feel like I have to lie or simulate interest in things just to fit in. Most people around me don’t seem to share my real interests, like debates, documentaries, or studies. It makes me feel abnormal, alienated, and out of place.
On my first day of primary school when I moved, I was told, "You don't belong in this school." In year 3, I was beaten up by a year 5 student for no reason. I used to talk to myself, imagining I was in a TV show where fake people would validate me because I had no one else to talk to. I cried every day in my sleep during that time. In secondary school, I was intensely bullied in year 7 and year 8, and from year 9 through the end of college, I self-isolated.
I always feel like I am in control of a game—controlling certain scenarios just to try and feel a sense of authentic connection or memory. Lying is how I got friends in secondary school. If I didn’t lie, I couldn't imagine being stuck like I was in primary, sitting alone on a bench, watching others, and feeling envious of the connections they had. This feeling of needing to fabricate to belong makes me hate myself.
To the naked eye, I look fine. I’m always nice to everybody, and no one truly knows how I feel. Legitimately, and literally, no one. It’s exhausting, and I’m tired of it.
Lately, I’ve been drinking a lot to cope with these emotions. I can’t feel happiness anymore, and nothing truly makes me happy. I desperately want to feel validated, to be listened to, and to be hugged or cared for.
Despite these feelings, I’ve never had thoughts of self-harm or suicide. However, I feel stuck in a cycle of negativity and isolation, and I don’t know how to break free from it. I don’t feel ready to talk to a professional, but I’m trying to find ways to manage on my own. Right now, I just want to feel understood and validated.
Had to get this off my chest. Just been feeling awful lately - can only take so much.

It's best if you see your GP.

There is a lot of support out there such as:

-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day

-Mind, 0300 123 3393

-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm

-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm

-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service

-Crises, 741741, text service

-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress

-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927

-No Panic, 0800 138 8889

-Relate, they have a chat advisor

-NHS mental health, 111

-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516

-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area

You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.

There is the mind forum

Also Facebook groups

You can join support groups

You can contact a crises team if things get very bad Plenty of resources online, infor mation regarding well being.
(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 3
Original post by DerDracologe
Try opening up to just one person to begin with- maybe a friend or family member who might understand you.
Try online counselling maybe if you would prefer and be honest if you do
Consider joining some groups relating to your interests and be honest about yourself
I hope things get better for you 🙂

Salutations,

I thank you for your reply.

I don't really talk feelings to my parents, but one of my friends I probably can. How would I introduce such at the right time because I don't want to feel a burden or for him to feel a certain way - especially considering ive never displayed such feelings before to him.
Reply 4
Original post by Analyst89
It's best if you see your GP.
You have some sound advice on here already.
There is a lot of support out there such as:
-The Samaritans, you can call 116 123, which is available 24 hours a day
-Mind, 0300 123 3393
-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm
-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm
-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service
-Crises, 741741, text service
-Papyrus, 0800 068 4141, if you have thoughts of suicide or in emotional distress
-Rethink mental health, 0300 5000 927
-No Panic, 0800 138 8889
-Relate, they have a chat advisor
-NHS mental health, 111
-Mental Health 24/7: 0800 008 6516
-hubofhope website, useful contact information for your local area
You can self refer yourself to talking therapies on the NHS website.
There is the mind forum
Also Facebook groups
You can join support groups
You can contact a crises team if things get very bad Plenty of resources online, infor mation regarding well being.

Salutations,

Thanks for your reply.

I don't have thoughts of suicide or self harm, nor do I self harm. I just feel dejected all the time. I do have periods of happiness when watching football, doing stuff I enjoy, or talk to mates but apart from that - I don't know if this is accurate, but I don't feel real.

I don't feel like a human being. I feel different to everyone else. I feel like an alien to be exact. I can't seem to get past the mental bloc in terms of having deep connections with people, especially when I want it so bad.

A perfect illustration to describe how I feel is like an illustration of a scientist with a coffee in hand sat in an office chair, lights off, keyboard, and a screen just watching. Its like whenever I lie about certain things, I can just predict what will happen, what others think of me or how I may be percieved to certain individuals. I don't know how else to describe it other than that. I postulate that the reason for such may be due to my lack of authentic friendships. I believe most of them are fabricated or originated in bad faith/pity. I wouldn't say I have suicidal thoughts, but ive definitely imagined a life where I didn't exist.

If anyone could answer:

How did you make your closest friend?
Did you have a best friend?
How often is it to get a best friend?

What would you do if you were in my situation?
Original post by Anonymous
Salutations,
I thank you for your reply.
I don't really talk feelings to my parents, but one of my friends I probably can. How would I introduce such at the right time because I don't want to feel a burden or for him to feel a certain way - especially considering ive never displayed such feelings before to him.

Np! Do you think it might be easier to text/email your friend so he can process and reply in his own time? Might be easier like that, but I dont know your relationship so if you’d rather do it in person then that’s a great option 🙂 If it was me id text him and ask if you could go on a walk or something and talk about something that’s on your mind. Hope it goes well for you!
Reply 6
Original post by DerDracologe
Np! Do you think it might be easier to text/email your friend so he can process and reply in his own time? Might be easier like that, but I dont know your relationship so if you’d rather do it in person then that’s a great option 🙂 If it was me id text him and ask if you could go on a walk or something and talk about something that’s on your mind. Hope it goes well for you!

Salutations,

I live about a couple hours away from most of my friends as ive started uni. Text would be the most ideal situation, but I don't exactly know how I would phrase it in a way that wouldn't be a burden.

I admire your faith that I have almost a deep friendship with any of my friends, but I have almost an unconventional way of friends in the sense that im actually more closer/revealed more to my more recent friends than my older ones 😂.

I have one friend in mind that may understand, but I don't want to loose what ive built uno.
Original post by Anonymous
Salutations,
I live about a couple hours away from most of my friends as ive started uni. Text would be the most ideal situation, but I don't exactly know how I would phrase it in a way that wouldn't be a burden.
I admire your faith that I have almost a deep friendship with any of my friends, but I have almost an unconventional way of friends in the sense that im actually more closer/revealed more to my more recent friends than my older ones 😂.
I have one friend in mind that may understand, but I don't want to loose what ive built uno.

Sounds tricky, id say that if your friend really cared about you then you opening up to them wouldn’t be a burden or anything. Maybe you could start mentioning things gradually to see how its is received? I wish you the best of luck with it 🙂
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
Salutations,
Thanks for your reply.
I don't have thoughts of suicide or self harm, nor do I self harm. I just feel dejected all the time. I do have periods of happiness when watching football, doing stuff I enjoy, or talk to mates but apart from that - I don't know if this is accurate, but I don't feel real.
I don't feel like a human being. I feel different to everyone else. I feel like an alien to be exact. I can't seem to get past the mental bloc in terms of having deep connections with people, especially when I want it so bad.
A perfect illustration to describe how I feel is like an illustration of a scientist with a coffee in hand sat in an office chair, lights off, keyboard, and a screen just watching. Its like whenever I lie about certain things, I can just predict what will happen, what others think of me or how I may be percieved to certain individuals. I don't know how else to describe it other than that. I postulate that the reason for such may be due to my lack of authentic friendships. I believe most of them are fabricated or originated in bad faith/pity. I wouldn't say I have suicidal thoughts, but ive definitely imagined a life where I didn't exist.
If anyone could answer:
How did you make your closest friend?
Did you have a best friend?
How often is it to get a best friend?
What would you do if you were in my situation?

Anyone want to add? :/

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