The Student Room Group

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

When I was 23, I had a friend group where we would play games online a fair bit. One day one of my good mates decides to invite his sister to play with us. Over weeks I start to get this feeling she was into me, and after that I find out she was 17. I didn't think much of it, however as time went on I just kept getting the feeling she was into me.

I didn't know how to feel, if I should say something, or what. I decided the best thing to do was to ask both my parents, my brother, three of my other good mates, and her brother if 1. she liked me and 2. if the age gap between 17 and 23 was morally in the clear. Every single one said it was absolutely fine. I thought it was definitely ok as her brother thought it was completely fine too.

At this point I decided because everyone I asked said it was ok if I liked her and what they thought, I decided that maybe this could be something that could potentially be turned into a relationship seeming there wasn't any problems. We got along well so in my mind at the time I felt like it made sense.

After some time I got the feeling that I wasn't super comfortable with the age gap between 17 and 23, and I decided for her sake to leave things be until she is 18 and carry on like we're just friends, then revisit the idea after some time has gone by, as the thing that bothered me was that after some thought I realised that she was still technically a "minor" despite how grown up she seemed.

After some thought about just completely abandoning the idea altogether (because of her age), it turned out she did not like me, even after she gave some signals that seemed "flirty" to me at the time. Apparently they weren't, as I was told through a mutual friend.

So what I'm beating myself up about is that I feel wrong for even thinking about the idea of getting into a genuine relationship with her in the first place. I'm so scared that this will get brought up in the future and used against me to make me seem predatory or something. I also have to state I never spoke flirtatiously with her, I never confessed my feelings to her, in-fact she never truly knew what I was feeling, other than that we were just friends playing games in our friend group. I also didn't get to know her in a truly personal way, we just played games and talked about general life.

Am I weird that I had feelings for her? I never took any actions because I was so hyper-aware of our ages yet I feel like I'm in the wrong for some reason. I just need someone to tell me that I did nothing wrong, this is seriously bothering me.
Reply 1
I'd feel so much better about myself is someone can read this and tell me I'm in the clear, as I know people get weird with age gaps like this I'd just like to know I'm not a weirdo for even thinking this way.

For extra context, at the time I was also under the impression that she was very nearly 18, as she would talk about her birthday a fair bit.

Like this doesn't make me a creep, right? I'm so scared that it seems that way.
Original post by Anonymous
When I was 23, I had a friend group where we would play games online a fair bit. One day one of my good mates decides to invite his sister to play with us. Over weeks I start to get this feeling she was into me, and after that I find out she was 17. I didn't think much of it, however as time went on I just kept getting the feeling she was into me.
I didn't know how to feel, if I should say something, or what. I decided the best thing to do was to ask both my parents, my brother, three of my other good mates, and her brother if 1. she liked me and 2. if the age gap between 17 and 23 was morally in the clear. Every single one said it was absolutely fine. I thought it was definitely ok as her brother thought it was completely fine too.
At this point I decided because everyone I asked said it was ok if I liked her and what they thought, I decided that maybe this could be something that could potentially be turned into a relationship seeming there wasn't any problems. We got along well so in my mind at the time I felt like it made sense.
After some time I got the feeling that I wasn't super comfortable with the age gap between 17 and 23, and I decided for her sake to leave things be until she is 18 and carry on like we're just friends, then revisit the idea after some time has gone by, as the thing that bothered me was that after some thought I realised that she was still technically a "minor" despite how grown up she seemed.
After some thought about just completely abandoning the idea altogether (because of her age), it turned out she did not like me, even after she gave some signals that seemed "flirty" to me at the time. Apparently they weren't, as I was told through a mutual friend.
So what I'm beating myself up about is that I feel wrong for even thinking about the idea of getting into a genuine relationship with her in the first place. I'm so scared that this will get brought up in the future and used against me to make me seem predatory or something. I also have to state I never spoke flirtatiously with her, I never confessed my feelings to her, in-fact she never truly knew what I was feeling, other than that we were just friends playing games in our friend group. I also didn't get to know her in a truly personal way, we just played games and talked about general life.
Am I weird that I had feelings for her? I never took any actions because I was so hyper-aware of our ages yet I feel like I'm in the wrong for some reason. I just need someone to tell me that I did nothing wrong, this is seriously bothering me.

It's really not that strange to think you have a future with someone, or catch feelings for someone - optimism is a good a thing to have.

Age gap is a tad sus in my personal opinion, but legally speaking (at least where I live) it would be fine.

Take it on the chin and move on really. There is nothing wrong about any of this.

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